To what extent do you value your SO’s ability and willingness to physically defend you if necassary?

38 comments

  1. Personally I value it a lot.

    Not that I needed it, I’m capable to defend myself.
    But I enjoy having a partner by my side who would and could defend me if needed, and who would fight back to back with me in case it was needed.
    My husband defends me whenever needed, and it’s kinda calming to know I can trust in his ability.

    I knew lots of men who wouldn’t defend me if needed, or who would need to be defended without any capability to stand up for their own.
    I don’t mind protecting them and not the other way around, but it isn’t something I want in a partner.
    With a partner, it should be balanced and we should defend each other. I don’t want to be the defender all the time.

    I mean, I feel absolutely safe walking around in the city at night alone. We’re living in a rather safe country.
    Yet I still enjoy that he defends me if needed.

  2. It’s not a priority or even all that important, the chance of getting physically attacked by a random person are relatively low, especially when I’m not alone. The person statistically most likely to harm me is him so what’s more important to me is that his presence doesn’t make me feel unsafe.

    ETA: I missed the willingness part of the question, obviously I wouldn’t want him to abandon or ignore me if I was in the need of hel, but that’s more about him being willing to stick up for me than his actual physical ability.

  3. Not even a little bit, personally.

    I am tall and strong myself so I feel quite comfortable in my ability to defend myself if needed, but I also value peace and level-headedness more than aggression. My current partner is a pacifist and has never/probably would never get into a physical fight and I love that about him. I have been in abusive relationships before and I feel safer with someone who would never fight anyone as I have experienced that anger turned on me, which was awful.

    My partner is strong though, which is very hot! I am just glad he is unlikely to use it to actually fight anyone.

  4. It’s honestly something I never actually think about and plays absolutely no role for me. Maybe it’s because of where I live and that the threat of violence is nothing that seems that relevant to my life anyway at this point. I don’t believe that the man’s role in a relationship should be being the protector.

    Do I fe l safer walking at night with him? Probably but alone I don’t feel particularly unsafe in my living area anyway and I think it’s not because I believe he’s gonna protect if someone attacks but because the main reason I would be a target is being alone as a women, so being with him makes me less of a target just by his presence. And I feel almost the same walking with a female friend.

    I never thought about the willingness part to be honest as I never really thought about those kind of scenarios. So I guess it can’t be too important to me. Probably I expect him to do what I would do myself too, to do whats within one’s capabilities and be smart.

  5. I highly value it, I know how to physically defend myself so if one day I’m with a SO and I’m the one defending the both of us ? Do I really need to keep on sharing my thoughts or pretty easy to understand ? + I find it unattractive when the opposite gender can’t self defense.

  7. 0%

    I’m a protector. I defend myself and others, always have done.

    I’d hope he’ll back me up if I need it and he’s physically able, but I’ll be first out of bed to take down the intruder.

  10. SO is strong, he competed in wrestling and trained in boxing+muaythai, so he should generally be OK. The “problem” is his pacificism/kindheartedness… I personally value his ability/willingness to physically defend *himself* more..

    I can take care of myself and if I piss someone off, they’re going for him not me.. I’ll be fine.

    ​

    Recently I was getting irritated and let’s say was “physically defending myself (and him) by being physically offensive”, and a few people (who were in the wrong and thus couldn’t and didn’t do jack back) were getting irritated back at me.. I’m all for picking and fighting my own fights should it come to that, but I turned to my SO and made sure he was OK. Like “Y’good? I don’t intend nor need you to protect me, so protect yourself ‘kay?” Lol.

  12. I value it a lot.
    I don’t have social awareness which often leads for me being in situations where I can be in danger. He is always the one that leads me out of it.

    But also I am very small and delicate. I can defend myself well verbally but not at all physically. He is a peace maker but he is tall and have trained martial arts for years. I always thought he won’t do anything untill I was alone and a man approached me and offered me something disgusting. When I met my partner 5 mins later and told him, he was ready to find him and defend my honor or something.

  13. I guess like… a bit? It’s not something I had in mind when I chose him, but I have past trauma from being attacked, so I guess it’s nice to know? But equally, I don’t want him putting himself in harms way.

  14. Physical safety isn’t a real concern for me so it’s not that high on my priority list. However if I was in that situation I’d rather my partner be able to de-escalate and get me to safety instead.

  16. He’s not that big physically, but he’s very bold and charismatic, and has a real talent for deescalating situations. He’s very calm and reliable in any type of crisis, really, and that makes me feel safe with him.

    My city is relatively safe, but I’ve had occasional moments where a drunk man has yelled at me in a train or on the street, and my panic response is to freeze up and start crying, so I’m glad my partner is able to intervene and convince the guy to leave us alone.

  17. Zero. It is not a thing that ever occurred to me to be honest. I feel that if we were in a physically dangerous scenario, we would both need to act quickly and react.

  20. Willingness yes, value not so much. I guess I value the willingness but isn’t something that I actually look for in a partner.

  21. I’m pretty big (5’10, 200 lbs, pretty athletic…), the loud mouth when I need to be, and very independent. I’m more worried about his ability to pay bail… but in all honesty, it took me years to appreciate my size and physical capabilities. Now I whole heartedly accept it and walk around like it, so his ability to defend me is t that big…

  22. I value it a lot. As someone who lives in a kinda rough city and has been in multiple situations where a guy or group of guys have made some really sketchy & uncomfortable approaches, I feel way more comfortable being out with someone who scares those people off.

    I got lucky that in both of the previous situations the person I was with wasn’t too far away.

  23. We’re two women, so idk lol. We do stand up for one another, but if we are ever in a situation where physical overpowerment is necessary, we are getting the fuck out of there.

    We have pepper spray and will kick nuts and scratch eyes out if it came to it, thankfully it never has. I don’t have the strength but I will fight like a goddamned banshee if I have to.

  24. I don’t really care, I will surely try my best but if he ever got in a fight, all my bets are for him

  25. I wouldn’t want them to get into fights unnecessarily, I think fighting is best avoided even if someone does deserve a kicking.

    If someone was physically attacking me I would expect them to help me, same way I would expect anyone who is stronger than me to, and same way I would help anyone if I could.

  26. My lovely man would protect me at all costs. We live in a large city where it’s not always safe. Considering that, I value his protection immensely. I work out and I could probably hold my own against a woman my size, but reality is if I was attacked my a man my size or bigger I’d be in trouble.

    All that being said, it’s important to me, especially where I’m living. I would not go out at night without him.

  28. I don’t value it at all. I am capable to defend myself. One time he didn’t believe me immediately when one of his friends threatened me. That matters greatly and had to be worked through I do want to be believed. So far it’s more likely that I will be defended him that the other way around I think men generally get attacked more than women

  29. I never really thought about it until we were at a water park with an active shooter. I learned I am not that great in a crisis and since he is ex military he is far better. He had a plan, got us and our three kids out of there safely. Now I value it a lot.

  30. I value the ability of him to defend me physically – but I more prefer his situational awareness to get us the hell out of dodge before he needs to.

  31. Very important to me but I can also protect myself physically. I wouldn’t be with a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t defend me in a physical altercation.

  32. Not at all. Getting randomly attacked by a stranger isn’t common, there isn’t anyone in my life volatile enough that I’m worried they might attack me, and I’d rather my husband and I run than him try to fight someone anyway. I value his ability to defend me verbally much more.

  34. A lot. I’m really small and would probably get in lots of trouble if I was, say, getting harassed by someone. I’m capable of defending myself well (verbally) but I would love having someone who is ready to defend me on top of that.

  36. highly. he’s a gentleman & has never hesitated to stick up for people, particularly women & I love that about him. as a small & mouthy lady I need some muscle on my side lol

  37. Oh I realised this was a thing for me when my best friend (at the time) declared she’d never get in the middle of a fight between me and another woman. I’m perfectly capable of defending myself, and I would never ask someone to jump into a fight on my behalf, but I’d like to know they’d be willing to if the situation required.

  38. I do value it, but my situation is fairly unique. I have an extremely abusive ex out there in the world that I can never really be 100% certain is finished with me, so it would be a lie to say it doesn’t bring me comfort to live with a man that I know could kick his ass easily.

    That being said, my husband grew up in a rough area and has already seen enough conflict and general nastiness. And he’s a really gentle soul even still. So my preference would be that he never have to be involved in any violence on my account. It’s certainly not something I would enjoy or encourage.

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