My now ex girlfriend and I dated for about a year and a half. Before that, we had known each other since birth because our mothers were best friends. During our relationship, we saw each other for hours everyday and communicated really well. I’ve never been happier.
I didn’t know what to do with my life and made a somewhat impulsive decision to join the Navy because I felt the need to do something very big after high school. We made the relationship last, despite the distance, about a month and a half after I got out of bootcamp (2 and a half months no contact). The decision to break it off was not a quick one and it took us both a minute to get to the point where we felt like that’s what we needed. The process of arriving at this decision was absolute torture and extremely emotionally exhausting as this person was both my gf and my best friend, so this would change our entire dynamic.
It’s been a little over a month since we broke up, and very recently, we had a conversation about other people we’ve been seeing. We both wanted to have this conversation since we would both rather know what the other was doing than to be left wondering. Long story short, we’ve both been hooking up with 2 separate people each (same people multiple times). The difference is that she doesnt know the girls I hang out with whereas, being that she is still living in our small hometown, I know both guys that she’s been seeing. This has been praying on my mental like you wouldn’t believe.
That being said, we both desperately still want to try to make this work in the long term. I’m very young of course, but especially given our history and shared upbringing, I could see myself marrying this girl some years from now once I’m out of the Navy.
But every night, I see her location at the house of one of the 2 guys I’ve both known for years through school. I’m hooking up with the 2 girls I mentioned to try and fill the void my gf left in my day to day, but it’s just temporary gratification. And knowing that I can’t even think about trying to work things out with her for at least the next 4.5 years while also being aware that she is doing the same thing (hookups) I’m doing feels like someone put my heart into a blender and flushed it down a toilet.
I don’t like the military at all and the girl I’m still deeply in love with is getting, literally as I’m writing this, banged by 2 guys I went to school with from ages 4-18.
What do I even do here guys? This is agony.
edit: Neither of us are having a threesome with our 2 people. We are both sleeping with two separate people on separate occasions. Our respective 2 hookups know that we are fresh out of a relationship and don’t want commitment. We aren’t misleading anyone, for clarification.
She says she wants to make it work long term and I wholeheartedly believe her, but I also can’t blame her for trying to take some sort of step to move on here, especially since I took the same step.
4 comments
So….why did you even break up in the first place?
First, ask her to stop sharing her location with you. That would be a start.
Second, planning to make it work long term while you both hook up with other people really doesn’t work. It makes it hard to process the breakup and move on because you didn’t actually break up. You took a dating hiatus so the emotions are still there therefore it feels like she’s cheating even though she really isn’t, and neither are you for that matter. I wonder how she’s feeling.
You need to decide what you are. Either you’re long distance and monogamous or (sadly more likely and probably better) you break up for real, close off the possibility of getting back together, and go no contact for at least six months. Actually break up so you can process it and be okay with each other moving on.
“We both wanted to have this conversation since we would both rather know what the other was doing than to be left wondering.”
Right and how did that turn out 🙄 she’s an ex now – you can’t go back to “just being friends.”
If yall were really waiting for each other, you wouldnt be sleeping with other people.
It’s over – stop contacting her and block her number
The only time it’s okay to keep an ex in your life is if you no longer have romantic feelings for them. If you are still in love with them, you need to give yourself the space to heal your broken heart. There are no exceptions to this rule of thumb—you end up hurting yourself if you think otherwise.
I suggest cutting off all contact with your ex and not reach out until you no longer feel you are in love with her. In the meantime, ask yourself this: what would you tell a friend who remains loyal to a girl who is sleeping with two of their former friends/colleagues? If your response would be ‘move on’, if only to keep a modicum of dignity, then you need to take your own advice.