TLDR: My (21F) wife had sex with 2 of my family members and is now begging me to stay with her.
So to start, I (21M) have been with my wife (21F) since we were seniors in highschool. We had a kid and got married at 18 years old right out of highschool. We have been together for a little over 4 years.
Recently, I have been traveling for work and will be away for weeks at a time. This time, while I was gone, she was telling me she didn’t want to be together anymore over text. I was 1500 miles away from home while she is texting me telling me she doesn’t want to make it work. We came to the conclusion that we will discuss it further when I get back home.
I have an aunt that my wife became best friends with about 8 months ago. They always hung out, I’d go over and hang out with them sometimes as well. My aunt has a boyfriend that would that I’ve known for 10+ years. I considered him family as well. While I was gone for work, my wife was always hanging out at their house. At the time I saw no problem because they were her friends so it’s not a big deal or so I thought.
So I get back from working across the country, and I see that my wife’s other friend has been living in my house for free. The entire time I was gone. That normally wouldn’t be a problem, I don’t mind helping people. But this friend completely destroyed my house and let it get disgusting. I started to realize that my wife was never home. She stayed at my “family’s” house while I was gone. Completely neglecting all of our animals, house, and child. Putting our child off on everyone else while she went out partying all the time.
My wife and I finally sit down to have a conversation about us and why we weren’t working. She would barley look at me and wouldn’t talk for longer than 20 minutes before she went back to my “family’s” house. She stayed there for a week (after I got back) telling me I’m the problem and talking about “coparenting.” Saying that we are toxic and that we shouldn’t be together. Before I left for work, things were good. Or so I thought. We have had our ups and downs just like any relationship. I thought our relationship was going great.
After a week of her avoiding me. She came over and one thing led to another and we had sex. She left that night saying she would come stay with me another night. The next day she was cold to me. Talking about how she didn’t want to be around me. Saying she needed “time.” The whole time all of this is happening, her friends and my “aunt” are telling me to give her time and saying she is confused. My aunt boyfriend also came over and was giving me relationship advice. In hindsight, that was just a power move.
That same day she was telling me that she didn’t want to be around me, she came over to talk. After 5 hours of us talking, I got the feeling she was cheating. I said “okay if you aren’t cheating on me, let me see your phone.” She freaked out refusing to give me her phone and then lied and said she was sleeping with her friend that was living with us. To distract me from what she was really doing. She gave in and gave me her phone after about 5 minutes of arguing. I found hundreds of texts about her cheating. She was sleeping with my aunt and her boyfriend having threesomes. She was also sleeping with my aunts boyfriend behind my aunts back.
After I found out about that, she was begging me not to leave her. Swearing she is going to change and saying she loves me. Saying it was a mistake and she won’t ever do it again. So I let her stay. I know it’s pathetic, but I want our daughter to have parents who are together. I let her stay and explain the situation. What happened and why she did it. Honestly, most of what she said was “she liked the attention and I wasn’t there.” All while begging me not to leave. She was also texting (explicit texts) multiple guys she met in bars, and her ex boyfriend.
I left for work on March 25th. She cheated for the first time on April 6th. She didn’t tell me that she didn’t want to be with me until April 16th. I got back home May 5th, and found out about everything shortly after. It should be known, that I had sex with her right after she had sex with them. And she was okay with it. She has also cheated in the past. According to her, it was only ever texting and she kissed someone in the beginning of our relationship. I honestly don’t believe that she hasn’t ever slept with anyone before them.
I feel betrayed and manipulated. Idk if I’ll ever be able to trust her again. I do truly love her. Even after all that has happened, I still want to be with her. Sadly enough. What should I do?
16 comments
What is she doing to regain your trust?
I hope things get better for you. Honestly its really tough to trust someone again after they hurt you. For me cheating one time can be seen as mistake. But cheating two times just means she doesn’t respect you or your guys relationship. If it was me i would want some space so i have time to think. If you do want a future with her maybe you can think of things she can do to earn back your trust
You deserve better than that methinks
Cut your losses and leave, for your sake and your kid’s. Make sure you collect documentation (even if it’s just screenshots) to prove the adultery and child neglect if at all possible before you start looking for a divorce attorney. She’s not going to change, so I’d try my best to chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
>I know it’s pathetic, but I want our daughter to have parents who are together.
Having your daughter’s relationship role model be your extremely unhealthy relationship is not doing her any favors.
>She stayed at my “family’s” house while I was gone. Completely neglecting all of our animals, house, and child. Putting our child off on everyone else while she went out partying all the time.
Is this what you want your daughter to grow up thinking is normal?
Dump her don’t be a doormat for her
Sorry dude but this relationship is already over and needs to end right now. You are being treated as a complete laughing stock and continuing this is never going to be a good environment for your daughter. You seem to be surrounded by a lot of simply awful people and you need to make it clear you won’t be treated this way and get all of them out of your life as soon as possible.
If you don’t want to stand up for yourself, that’s fine but it seems like your wife just abandoned your kid for a month to go off and cheat on you. You’re now gonna trust this woman to take care of your little girl? Seems like she’s got no interest in being a parent.
Come on OP you know what you’ve got to do. Show your daughter what self respect looks like.
Do you really want your daughter to feel that’s it’s OK to take back a multiple cheater? Especially one that screws other family members? Is that a relationship dynamic that you want her to internalise?
Wake up.
Your ‘wife’ has no respect for you, your relationship or your daughter.
Staying with her is going to be so much more damaging to your daughter than divorce ever will.
You know that she won’t change right? She will cheat again and again because she wants to and she can, because you take her back once she knows you are weak and won’t do anything and will take her back again and again.
You daughter will see you grow bitter, paranoid and resentful as you are lied to and gaslit year after year.
Is that what you want?
You were gone, what, 2 weeks before she took your daughter to your aunts house, probably sat her down in front of the TV and giddly ran upstairs to ride the aunts bf.
And then she sleeps with you as soon as you get home? Have you had an STI check?
Your ‘wife’ is disgusting and awful.
Gather every shred of evidence you can, start divorce proceedings, grey rock your soon to be ex-wife, let your support network know what is going on.
You are only 21, there’s a whole world out there.
Dump the trash, focus on your daughter.
Way to teache your kid how to keep shitty relationships.
My dad did that shit and he never knew she was also abusing me.
Cut the dead weight and don’t your kids as a damn excuse.
Keep your child and let her leave again. That is abandonment. Change the locks. Call an attorney. You may have to sever ties with some family members.
🤣 almost like marrying your high school sweetheart and having children at 18 is a mistake.
There’s no way this story is real.
Good Lord.
You need therapy to find out why you want to stay with a person that fks anything that moves when you aren’t there, neglects your child and laughs about it all behind your back.
Why are you under reacting so badly?
This is supposed to be your family? I’d be going nuclear.
Forget the cheating for the moment, she palmed off your daughter to others, and you think having her around your daughter is a good idea? I get it, you have no respect for yourself, but at a minimum, you could think of your kid. Your daughter deserves better mother than someone who doesn’t look after her, and a weak father who doesn’t respect himself