Why woman asks about a hypothetical situation where they are doing something their bf dislikes?
**The complete version:**
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To give some context, yesterday we were enjoying the day together, talking about our relationship and how we expect each other to do under different situations, and that we both don’t want each other to give more attention than necessary to people of the opposite sex, like:
\- “I wouldn’t like if someone from the opposite sex starts to follow you on Instagram and send you messages saying this and that and you keep the conversation going”
\- “If you give attention to a friend from the opposite sex the same way or something like the way you give to me it would hurt me”.
After more than 2 hours on this topic, the only thing that let me curious was a hypothetical and somehow frivolous scenario that she asked about.
It transcurred like that:
\- She said: Don’t be upset or anything with what I’m about to ask you, I just want to know what would be your reaction if something like that happened, and nothing like that ever happened.
(She really dedicated some time and emphasis explaining to me that it was a hypothetical situation).
\- What would you do if you discovered on your own, that I exchanged messages with a guy friend, displaying some kind of interest, like if it was something very early and not heavy, but still something?
(I don’t remember exactly her words).
\- I asked: just that? And nothing more?
\- And she replied yes.
\- I then answered: Well, that would hurt me a lot, and it would not be something that I would take lightly, but if we are married (yes we have talked about our plains for the future at that level), I would try to solve it with you, maybe try to get help from a professional depending on how bad our relationship had become.
But if we are still knowing each other (not married) I would no longer be with you.
\- Then she asked: What if he’s gay? With a smile.
\- Which I respond: I would not buy that. How would I know if he’s truly gay tho and you’re not lying?
We then continued to talk about how stuff like that would hurt the trust that we have in each other. And that neither of us wants to be in a relationship where we have doubts.
So, what do you all think? It’s normal for a woman to ask about scenarios like that just to know his bf’s opinion or how he would react? Or could it be that she has done something irl? I just want to know some different opinions.
Thank you for your help.
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**TLDR:**
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We were having a good time talking about our relationship and the boundaries we both want each other to respect, related to how the other person interacts with the opposite sex. We agree to give no more than the necessary attention to people of the opposite sex.
She then asked me what would I do if I discovered that she exchanged messages with another guy, displaying more interest than the one with said it would be acceptable. She emphasized that nothing like that ever happened.
9 comments
>talking about our relationship and how we expect each other to do under different situations
Wouldn’t this… naturally result in her bringing up a hypothetical scenario?
Sounds like she’s testing you
It’s a good way to gauge how jealous a person is without directly asking. She’s 23 and you’re 35, she’s going to communicate and act differently than you based on life experiences alone. I’ll hold my opinion on the age differences in of itself.
What kind of weird ass games are both of you playing?
The level of details is what bothers me, it was not just a “what if” question during a discussion… But I don’t know her.
This is all a little hard to understand. “Displaying some kind of interest” is so vague. The fact that she brought up gay guys is like, whaaaa? What kind of “interest” are we talking here? Why would a gay man be displaying romantic or sexual interest in her? Is a guy showing an interest in friendship or business also a problem, simply because he’s a guy?
Are you two setting up a rule that you’re not allowed to have conversations with the opposite sex or something?
This “teehee what if” game reminds me of teenage dating. It’s a very silly and ineffective way to talk about boundaries. Asking “what would your emotional state be if this thing you have never experienced before happened?” is silly. The actual answer is always going to be “I don’t know, because I haven’t experienced it.” But I mean, you’re dating a 23 year old, so you have to expect some emotional immaturity.
If you want to date a woman who is emotionally mature and good at communicating, consider dating age appropriate. A 30 year old is unlikely to go “hehehe what if hehehe” because she’s gonna be a grown up.
I’m here just to say I am flabbergasted that you just sneak in the word ‘transcurred’ in the post. Wasn’t sure if it was a typo but I learned a new word after googling it.
I know others will disagree but I’d trust my partner significantly less. I’ve never been a fan of such “hypotheticals”. Why is the world would you ask me how I’d react if you cheated for no reason?! I’m going to assume you cheated.
My problem with this is that you’re asking complete strangers what she could’ve meant by it rather than just asking her if this was a true scenario or not. It doesn’t matter what strangers think, they don’t know her. I’d ask her and just trust what she tells you and if you find out she lied later on I’d go from there.