30M single i cant stop being so naive around every person, i mean i have no guts other men have, the wittyness the quick thinking etc. Im simply a plain dude, i mean i dont have any second thoughts or long thoughts, i just do things and they are so naive, i have being decieved by women men and even from kids, cause im naive, whatever i do i pity fir the other person i think emotionally and i suck up my loses. Imagine im selling a bike a dude comes to buy it telling he has no money as his wife is sick and kids in school etc, id endup selling the bike for half of the price later to find out that im ripped of buy an bike flipping dude. Same thing goes with women even married women fake flirt with me in hope of id give them a drop in my car as its better and free than affording a taxi daily after work. I mean i know im getting sucked off and ripping off but i still dont do anything about it, i dont have the witty attitude and thinking other men have. The women i told never asks favor from other men as they know they dont do favors to them like me, but still they respect other men and im the always available funny easygoing nice dude. Im fedup being that way, i even dont know how to act like a man for my age, even kids who are younger than me never treat me as an older wise dude, they just call me by name. Cause they dont see me as an elser by my looks or my naive behavior. Im single but even if i in a relationship i find it harder to dominate or take lead as the man. Im afriad im not good enough and i dont want to upset people. So i suck it up and take my loses. Because of this my daily life is so hard always giving people my personal space my money and time for the sake of fake compliments. My dad is the same way he is so naive too, its in the genetics too. Idk how to change this
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Same bro, same
i was like this in my 20s, there is only one way man…the painful way…you can’t avoid it. You have to step outside of your comfort zone. You have to go do the things that scare you until they no longer scare you and then you move on to the next set of things that scares you. Other men scare you? Deal with it. Women scare you? Approach more. You afraid to go to a restaurant by yourself? Tough shit no one is going to do this for you, no one is going to hold your hand. You are responsible for this.
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You got this bro, it’s doable.
This sounds less like naivete and more like a really high agreeableness score. Look up what the big 5 personality traits are.
Like you said it yourself. You know you’re being ripped off my the bike salesman, you just bought into a sob story because you’re agreeable. People don’t ask others for favors, only you, because you’re likely to say yes, because you’re agreeable. I’ve been working on my agreeableness by just thinking about if I really want to do the favor or whatever, and if the answer in myself is truly a “no” then I just practice saying “no”. It’s really hard the first few times but it gets easier. Mature people don’t take it the wrong way and won’t guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Now don’t get me wrong. There’s still important stuff that you should say yes to even if you don’t want to obviously. You have to make that judgement.
Hey man, after reading your post I have a couple of thoughts:
I don’t want to disparage your feelings, but when I read your words, I’m not reading about someone who is naive, but someone who is heartfelt, kind, and goes out of their way to help others. Which, as far as manliness goes, are just about as great of qualities as men can have in this day and age.
However, seeing this causes you emotional duress, I can definitely see how being vigilant and setting down personal boundaries might prove beneficial for you. Your post has a great deal of introspective insight, so I believe you may know when you’re being manipulated a bit better than you assume, but perhaps have a hard time standing up for yourself. This is a common trait of people-pleasers.
Using one of your examples, if one of these married woman flirts with you to manipulate a car ride out of you, try to begin getting comfortable with simply saying “No” and leaving it at that. You don’t have to explain, you don’t have to apologize. A simple “no” is a perfectly acceptable answer. It may make other people angry or annoyed, but it’ll bd a personal boundary you’re setting up for yourself.
Lastly, an undertone I’m seeing here is perhaps not so much an excess of naïveté, but rather, an abundance of low self-esteem. If you haven’t already, and if you have the means, it may be a good idea to consider seeing a therapist to help you work through some of your negative self talk.
Apologies if I’ve missed the mark in my response. I hope I was helpful, OP. Good luck!
You’re fine, it’s this BS, superficial world that should change.
Naivety comes from a basic premise “I’m good so other people must be good too.”
Stop believing that nonsense. People suck and are all driven by selfishness. Life is a never ending train of people who may help or hurt you as it fits their needs in that moment. So treat them cautiously.