My current partner and I met January 2022 and started officially dating June 2022. Prior to this she ended her 10 year relationship with her ex partner in October 2021. Their break up has been difficult with factors such as owning a house and dogs together. That being said he was also trying to win her back and admitted that he would take her back in a heartbeat if he could.
4 months ago they started being friendly again which was fine but the issues started 3 months ago when he invited her to ‘keep him company’ late one night when he was house sitting for her cousin. While I trust HER, it gave the impression he was being inappropriate and that crossed a line. At first she downplayed it before admitting it seemed inappropriate but then double backed again to ‘it was an innocent invitation’
This made me uncomfortable and I voiced that I think she should draw a line for him to understand his place and to maybe just pull back a little. She refused at first but eventually saw my POV and pulled back a little (didn’t draw a line though) and then things were good again.
But a few weeks later they started talking/messaging everyday about everything from their past, their dog, work and even commenting on our relationship. She has admitted all this but says it’s just friendly talk. Since then he also tries to organise them catching up every week from dinner to drinks to dog walks which she more often than not does.
This is all starting to get too much for me and I asked if they could pull back as it’s making me uncomfortable. I don’t want to stop them entirely but maybe just less frequent and less personal and have asked for her suggestions on how we can compromise but she is unwilling to meet me half way. She has refused to make any changes or offer any solutions saying nothing can be done. Since then she has been incredibly bitter, selfish and angry towards me.
This weekend was the worst though as she had family visiting and it was mothers day which I was excited to celebrate with her mum as mine passed away a few years ago. She thought it best not to invite me which hurt but I understood as we’d been in a bad place and didn’t want that present.
However, they had a family dinner inviting the ex over on Thursday night, my partner and her ex then went for a long drive and dinner on Friday night to talk and then Saturday night her and the family met with him for drinks and were all out drinking together until 3am before sharing a cab home.
This hurt me greatly, I was pushed away from the weekend with her family and he came in and took my place essentially. To then also go ahead with these situations knowing this is our major point of contention right now felt very disrespectful. When I confronted her about how this made me feel, her words were ‘I agree that you deserve the best. You should be prioritised and never feel like you’re competing or being pushed aside. I just don’t think I can give you that.’
This reads to me that she would rather remove me from her life entirely than to just simply talk and see her ex a little less. As I made it clear I’m okay with them being friends and seeing each other, just a little less and less personal as well. I even suggested me and him meeting, even for just a 10 minute passing but her response was ‘that would make me uncomfortable’.
We’re meeting up in a few days to discuss everything. As much as I love her I feel I have to let her go for my own sanity. She can be known as being very bratty and selfish but she’s never been like that with me until recent and it seems she’s already made her mind up that nothing will change. I think this became less about the situation as much as it did just about how she has treated my feelings in all of this while protecting the ex’s.
What should I do? I don’t think I’m asking for too much and am willing to meet half way.
TL;DR! partner prioritises the feelings of her ex partner over mine and refuses to compromise even slightly on how close and uncomfortable their relationship makes me.
Sorry for long post
6 comments
You boutta get an influx of people telling you to cut your losses and call it a day cause this behavior is pretty whack.
Idk go to couples therapy or something but this shit sounds whack af to me
Fuck her, dude. Do you hear yourself? Bounce.
Ever hear of triangulation? God she’s the worst
No need to do the pick me dance in my opinion. If she’s not willing to compromise (not that it’s alot to compromise to begin with) for your sake then there’s not much more to say.
She’s already let you know what she’s willing to do for you yet goes out of her way for her ex? Better to cut your losses instead of feeling like you have to compete with a guy you’ve never even met before.
It’s probably hard but you have to take the tough decision to move on. She’s obviously prioritizing her ex and might even be thinking of getting back together and right now you can’t do anything other than leave her.
Dude. Show some self respect and cut your losses.