Broke up about a month ago with an ex who hurt me pretty deeply after 1 year of serious relationship but met another girl and started hanging out with her about 2 weeks after it all. I’ve come to terms accepting that my ex was not that good and compatible with me, we were pretty different on core values and with this new girl it was very much different, we felt pretty aligned and compatible in a lot of ways, but I am still hurt and missing the other girl (even though I know it will pass eventually, I feel a lot better in just 1 month after). This new girl pretty much fell for me so I turned her down gently because I was afraid of this being a rebound and what could happen if we started dating seriously while I still had attachment to my ex. She seemed fine with it and I feel kind of relieved but really bad about giving up on a person I had so much going on with only for this feeling that I’m conscious that it will not be relevant in a few months. Did you guys have any advice if I did the right thing? I’m really thinking that maybe I should let myself become attached to this new person since I might lose a connection that is not easy to find.
5 comments
You did the right thing by breaking up with the person who was not good for you. It’s natural and normal to grieve the relationship and you SHOULD. Experience all the stages of grief with your ex and then accept that the future is better. Because it is. You didn’t lose your soulmate, you’re only 23, believe it or not so much will happen in your life by the time you’re 30 and you will be a different person. You’ll need different things someday.
Just be aware that it’s better to give your emotions priority over relationships right now
Honestly you did the right thing by not furthering the relationship with new girl, maybe tell her that you are interested in her but that you need some time to get over your ex because she (new girl) deserves better than to be a rebound.
You definitely need some time to yourself before jumping into another relationship, otherwise you could end up skipping past some red flags in order to have a deep connection with someone fast.
Best solutions available were to break it off, give yourself some time or to take it slow and you went with the best one imo. Make sure to remember that your soulmate is your compliment, not your missing piece, and taking some time to be alone for a little bit might help you grow a little.
Only time will tell.
If you know that breaking up with your ex was the right decision, it sounds like you miss the “idea” of the relationship, not the actual relationship itself. All the nice things, all your hopes for the future, and in hindsight it’s easy to forget how they get outweighed by the things that didn’t go right.
It’s good of you to be open with the new girl that you’re still processing your feelings, and you shouldn’t ignore that. At the same time, you don’t need to completely turn her down, if she’s understanding (and it sounds like she is). Let her know you’re open to the idea, but you need to sort out your feelings over the last relationship first, and you don’t want to string her along. That should give you the answers you need on whether it’s a good idea to turn down the idea completely.
Yes. You always have to be honest with people about where your head is at so they don’t affix any intentions to you that will only end up hurting them. As for “connections” – those are pointless if the timing isn’t right. So don’t rush into something just because you think you’ll never meet anyone else you can bond with. It’s very important to maintain your honor as a caring human being even in the face of your own emotional turmoil. You did the right thing.
i have a story that kinda relates to this post. after me and my first boyfriend broke up, i was heartbroken. i tried to fill that sadness by getting in a relationship with a different guy a month later. i didn’t think of him as a rebound, i thought i actually liked him, but i was still thinking about my ex and missing him and i definitely wasn’t over him no matter what i tried to tell myself. that relationship lasted 3 months. after that, i got into another relationship very quickly and that lasted 2 months.
i realized i was having these issues with none of my relationships lasting because i was so willing to date anyone who made me feel wanted, even if they really weren’t compatible with me. after that last relationship, there was another guy who liked me and i kinda liked him. but when he asked me out, i said no, i needed some time to work on myself. he was very respectful and understanding. after i took time to myself, got over everyone in my past, i still liked that guy and asked him out. we’ve been together for over 4 years now and we own 2 cats together.
take some time for yourself. if you have a real connection with this other girl, it’ll still be there when you’re ready