i am 28 and i met a great guy at a mutual hobby. he is 40. during the time we met I was taking pre reqs for an accelerated nursing program. fast forward months into our relationship i got into the accelerated program and all things changed.
i knew most of my time would go into school. this was my dream to be a nurse. this is my opportunity to develop a rewarding career. fortunately he has a career. now it’s my turn. these were my goals before i even met him. school cost over 30,000. getting in is the first step. now i have to actually pass all the classes. so when we say stress, shessh i’m stressed.
I still also maintain a full time job. My program is 15 months long. He was aware of all of this prior to getting into a relationship. and Unfortunately during these months I had to put him second in my life. my relationship was not as much of a priority to me than school was at this time. I made him aware of this and it didn’t settle too well with him. He felt alone and abandon and reminded me of that quite often.
I needed to study though. i’m not one of those people that can spend a little bit of time on something and get it. i have to spend a lot of time on it. we managed to see each other at least once a week. we did not live together and he lived over 30 minutes away from me
during school i never felt he really supported me. I remember one time I was studying and I really did not have time to make dinner so i ate cereal. meanwhile this man never asked me if i was okay or asked if I ate. but he was eating at a whole steak house with his friends. things like that really bothered me. i felt his love was very conditional. he only did for me if i did in return.
i could understand him if i put none important things ahead of him. but i’m in school. i’m busting my ass. I work 5am-1pm take full time classes, have clincals and manage to work out at least 3 times a week.
I ended our relationship because I truly felt he was unhappy. i can see the shift. and with summer coming, naturally people want to be outside. so imagine how he would feel during those times
he also said he didn’t feel loved or wanted be me. and that is something i could of worked on but maybe i was like that becus i didn’t feel his support
lastly the biggest determining factor of letting him go was that i had a whole break down after taking an exam. straight up went into a panic attack and he wasn’t the one i wanted to call. that meant a lot to me. it confirm that this man really does not support me.
i feel awful. i miss him dearly. i wish i could of went about things differently. i just wished he was able to suck up his time. it was for only 15 months. school ends in december !
31 comments
Saw the title. Immediately yes
Edit: yes, right decision. In his big ass age, he can’t understand that career and academics have to take precedence for a while? Nah. He wanted some young plaything that would always be there at his beck and call. You’re better off without him
It says a lot that when you were having a panic attack he wasn’t the one you wanted to call. He doesn’t seem to offer you any support or comfort. You said he knew you would be extremely busy for the next 15 months going into the relationship. Either he was okay with that but then changed his mind or he thought he could change your mind. No matter which one it was your relationship no longer works for either of you. Take some time to morn the loss then move on. It’s better for both of you.
You are better off without this conditional love and unsupporting person. Congrats on rocking out this school program, you can do it!
The truth is, “because I want to” is a perfectly good reason to end something with someone. You don’t need to ask if you made the right choice, it was your choice to make and you made it! Like you said, you adore the guy…you didn’t do this on a whim.
Look, you are totally acing a really fundamental habit of a happy life that a lot of people struggle with—you should be so happy and relieved that you are healthy enough to do this.
Keep on rocking at life and having healthy boundaries…just doing that you’re going to end up meeting someone who is really attracted to healthy people and who is healthy and also takes care of themselves.
Future is looking bright 😎 congratulations on getting into your nursing program and good luck!
Saw the age gap. Yes
Don’t even need to read the post. Saw the title. These age gap posts are crazy smh.
You made the right choice!
I hope the next one is someone closer in age who shows their love and concern for you through consistent actions and words.
Didnt read past title and my answer is already yes
In relationships like these when one person has a lot of time dedicated to school the only job of their SO is to support them.
Not doing this is very short sighted. Think long term. And the person in school will appreciate you in ways you never thought possible. They will know that they can cant on you to always have their back.
It’s not a lot of time. It really isn’t, and it’s not like you never see the SO.
The one going to school needs to also realize the amount of trust that their SO is putting into the relationship. They have no idea who you’re with day in and day out and what kind of relationships are being formed and when you go days without seeing the person you love some bad thoughts can enter the brain.
Mutual respect, trust and support is what is needed. If someone really loves you and you tell them this will all be over in December they will wait. – that is nothing when considering the rest of your life.
This guy ain’t the one. The one wouldn’t care about 15 months because he knows he gets you the rest of his life. That’s the one.
Seems like he may have been trying to manipulate you. Especially since you miss him so much still. They make you addicted with their shitty behaviour
There are so many paths one can take at 28!
Imagine you let this guy guilt trip you to death and you end up giving up on your dreams?
Imagine you continue without him, focus on yourself and see your dreams through?
Imagine you meet a guy on your future job who is similar in age, understands what it meant to go through all the hard work, respects you as a colleague and you fall for each other?
I don’t want to tell you yes or no to your question.
You already made the decision that was best for you at this time.
That exact decisiveness is whats going to aid you in your future job AND be a lifesaver to others.
The more hard decisions you make like this, decisions you know are right in the moment, the more you will mature and be able to manage the outcomes you want.
Kick some ass in medical school and – I hope I never meet you! (Meant as a joke, you know… 😉 because I don’t want to be in the hospital)
People have different needs and you unfortunately can’t change them. I dated someone who was in a very intense program and likely to continue to be in for the next 5 years – he prioritised me above his friends etc but work / school always came first. I don’t blame him – he needed to do the right thing by himself, but it wasn’t for me. I felt lonely and sad that he couldn’t give me what I needed so we ended the relationship after a year.
>He felt alone and abandon and reminded me of that quite often.
He’s too old to be acting this way. You did the right thing.
You’re doing great- there are many adventures ahead of you and you’ll meet people with whom you’re more synchronized. You did the right thing! It’s hard now and it’s ok to miss him/ the relationship. But you can throw yourself into your studies, and lean on classmates, friends, and coworkers who understand your life better.
He’s not supportive, he’s selfish. He couldn’t allow you to work on and achieve your own goals. that’s a major red flag. The fact that you didn’t want to call him when you needed emotional support should be all you need to know that this wasn’t good relationship for you.
Good decision, don’t look back.
You got mad at him for having fun without you, it was your decision to keep a job and further your education. Should he drive a half hour to your place to prepare and serve you meals? He has a busy life you have a busy life I think it is best that you ended it.
You absolutely made the right decision! There is a reason this 40 year old guy is a bachelor! He was just manipulating you and excited to have a younger plaything! I’m a nurse and I totally get you about the commitment you need to pass all your classes! Med math exams with 95% or better only to pass, and you need to do it two or three times during the program! Can’t score lower than an 80% because 79.9% is failing in the class or something ( too traumatized to remember). The stress is agonizing! You can do it! You don’t need a selfish mid life crisis baby to drag you down! You did the right thing! Don’t sweat about it! Come December you will get your pin! You will become a nurse and potentially meet a surgeon who cares about you and is there for you and everything you want out of a relationship! Everything will fall into place when you’re ready! He was not ready to commit, he will probably never treat you the way you want and you don’t want to give up on yourself for someone who isn’t there for you! Good luck! You got this!
You definitely made the right decision. And it has nothing to do with the age gap. Geesh, Reddit and their hate for age gaps *eye roll*. It’s because of who he clearly is as a person/partner. It sounds like you guys just simply weren’t compatible and that’s okay.
I know it sucks right now, but I promise you’ll feel better soon. Feel your feelings. Give it time. But don’t go back.
“It was only for 15 months” no, it’s not.
This is an indication of the quality of life you would have long term with this person. These 15 months are a blessing in disguise because it showed his true colors.
What happens if you choose to have kids and the kid comes first? What happens if you get your dream job opportunity and it requires a move?
Sorry but this person doesn’t sound like they understand what compromise is. A great partner supports their partner. This person does none of that and it’s not going to get better after your program. You deserve more!!
I think you made the best decision. You see people’s true colours when you are busy in your life.
2 weeks after I started going out with my bf my life turned upside down. I was diagnosed with a health condition which stopped me driving, I wasn’t allowed to be alone for a good few months and my medication was making me super tired etc. All doing this whilst working and going to university. This boy has stuck by me through absolute hell and still treats me like the same person. It sucks what I went through but at least I know I have a good person who will support me even when I could only put around 20% into the relationship
You did the right thing. Your studies should be your top priority and he is too old for you. He wants a caregiver not a partner. Has no respect for your desire to get a good career.
Though life decisions can be difficult from an emotional standpoint, they’re really not that difficult from the life planning perspective.
You have to focus on your personal goals and objectives. Unfortunately, there are times that our romantic lives will have to take a backseat because decisions we make to meet our personal goals conflict with our relationships. Though it can often times be heartbreaking, this is normal and won’t always be this way. Eventually, you’ll meet someone whose goals and objectives compliment yours, and you’ll both make decisions that will coincide with each other’s life plans.
He is 40 years old, and many of the life decisions you’re making now, he has already decided on. This is one of the dangers of an age gap relationship. The older partner is often not flexible and adverse to any change that takes them out of their comfort zone.
You did the right thing!
You’ll find someone better who will support your dreams, and you’ll be very happy you made this decision.
An ABSN program will test a relationship. My husband did a ADN nursing program first and now I’m doing a ABSN. It’s tough. I feel like we go days without really talking to each other sometimes. But he works nightshift and all my classes are during the daytime. But it will be so worth it in year when we are both nurses.
Unless you go into nursing school in an established relationship I say just abandon dating until your program is over. Because most people just don’t get it. Even my friends and family are constantly trying to guilt me into coming out or skipping class to do stuff. Accelerated programs don’t play.
You did the right thing!
You made the right call. I’m sorry that you miss him, I know how unbearable that pain can be. As a woman on the otherside, who DID give in to a man just like this, I never finished my nursing program. I’m a stay at home mom now. I didnt leave my man, and while he is A LOT more mature now and doesn’t treat me this way anymore, I never got back into school or anything. At least not yet. Funny enough, he gets mad sometimes that I don’t earn money. But I just have to laugh at that because when I met him I was set on being a surgeon, then a family doctor, then a nurse, then a teacher, then a substitute, but he couldn’t handle me becoming any of those things. He couldn’t support me or give me the time I needed. So now I have given him what he wants, and he’s still mad lol.
Yes, you did him a favor.
Invest in yourself first! He’s allowed to be sad because he’s someone who needs a lot of attention and time together to feel valued. Feelings are valids, but there’s no way in hell you shouldn’t prioritize school. It’s an accelerated program for pete sake, at his age he should be able to have enough perspective to see that it’s temporary and SO WORTH IT. That’s the red flag for me, he’s unable to see the big picture, or worst, he doesn’t care about your best interest.
You choose well, you don’t have enough ressources to acheive all these targets, you had to make a strategic decision and prioritize the right things and you did just that. You’re gonna be a good nurse, you made the right call.
So proud of you for prioritizing your education. It is always yours, no one can take it from you.
Definitely the right decision. I don’t blame you for prioritizing your future at all, but it’s hard for many people to accept not being a priority in the relationship. Might have been why he didn’t support you at all. On the other hand, he could have been a bit more mature about trying to be there for you more often.
Just bad timing/bad match for both of you.