I (23f) have been with my(30m) boyfriend for about 1.5 years. I’ve known him for 3. He is from a smaller town and I moved there for a year of service from a more metropolitan area about 5 years ago. I enjoy living there and I love my boyfriend, but as I am getting older and finishing school I am ready for more opportunities that simply aren’t here. I also want to be closer to my famil. My boyfriend is in school and works full time, and he will probably need another 3 years to finish. He says he wants to move after, but that timeline keeps getting pushed back. He grew up very poor, has moved over 30 times growing up, and is obsessed with security, and I do not have that experience so I try to be very conscious of why moving makes him very nervous, but I just don’t know what to do as I got a job offer that starts at the beginning of the next school year
I want him to come with me, but I think it might be inevitable that he won’t feel comfortable doing so for another 3 years. I am happy here for the most part — I have a great friend group and a reliable job, but I am just feeling stagnant. Our relationship is very good and healthy, and I know he would never ask me to stay for him and would be so happy to see me grow, but he is truly my best friend.
Does anyone have experience or been in this position?
Tldr – I don’t know If I should move or wait out for my relationship.
3 comments
I have generally prioritized doing what is best to build my life, and have encouraged partners to do likewise during young adulthood. It is such a difficult and important stage. I have always figured, if the relationship were truly good, it’d survive long distance. And if it didn’t, then it was probably for the best. I’ve actually never had a relationship break up over the long distance. It’s always been factors when we were together that showed we weren’t actually that compatible.
It’s possible though yours might, because he keeps pushing back how long it will be before he can move, and that might indicate he never wants to. Which would be understandable, but it would mean you two have very poor long-term compatibility, because your long-term goals do not align. I could be wrong though, and he might be happy to move as soon as it is reasonable for him to do so.
You shouldn’t put your life on hold at your age for an only 1.5 year relationship. I don’t see it mentioned in the post so I have to ask, have you actually talked to him about possibly moving with you?
All you can do is talk about it and see if you can come to an understanding or compromise, if not then you break up. But you shouldn’t sacrifice your future for any relationship. If your relationship was meant to last, you will make it through this.
Move don’t put you life plans on hold for a guy. If it is meant to be he will go with you.