i’ve (F23) been officially dating my (now ex) girlfriend (F26) with BPD for approximately seven months, but we’ve been in a sort of “situationship” for eleven months; almost a year.
five days ago, we got into a huge fight and i broke up with her over text and blocked her the day after. i just told her that i couldn’t be with her because our relationship is dysfunctional, and that the way she treated me was unacceptable, and that she didn’t even apologize, and that she has no idea how her actions affect other people, and to not contact me again, and that i hope she seeks help because i’m worried for her mental health, and then i sent her a mental health help line. and then i blocked her before she even had a chance to say something. she was completely blowing up my phone, attempted to call me 23 times in a row and spammed me with a bunch of frantic texts — that she was scared and freaking out and home alone — so i contacted her mom over facebook and told her that i broke up with her and that i’m really worried about her and to check on her.
it all started over a heat pad. she asked me to bring down from her bedroom because she was experiencing period cramps. i brought it down, and i asked, “it’s blue, right?” for obvious clarification purposes, and she completely blew up and started to raise her voice, and told her that i was annoying her. i’m a sensitive person, and she knows this, so i told her that it hurt my feelings. i (nicely) asked her why she couldn’t just thank me instead of being irritated, and she instantly shut me down with, “you don’t deserve a thank you because you asked such a stupid question,” and she told me to stop making a big deal out of the situation. i still don’t know what happened next, and it all happened so fast, but i started crying, and she was becoming angrier and screaming louder, and i was curled up in a fetal position, hysterically sobbing, and she was saying things like, “why am i dating a fucking child? you’re such a fucking child. get over yourself. grow up. i don’t know why i put up with you. you promised that you wouldn’t fight with me. this is all your fault. i don’t want to date you anymore. i don’t like dating you. i don’t want to hangout with you anymore. i don’t like spending time with you. fuck you. get the fuck out of my house. i hate you. i fucking hate you so much.” she kept asking why i couldn’t just be “nice” her, repeating that over and over again; why i couldn’t just “kiss her on the head” and be nice to her for once in my life. she didn’t understand that i couldn’t show affection towards her while this was happening because my body was in complete freeze/panic mode.
i’ve read books on BPD in high school and uni, and i’ve researched about BPD for hours, yet i still can’t grasp how anyone regardless of neurodivergence can treat someone like that, especially your own partner. i was trying to leave, she kept following me around the house to scream at me while i was collecting my things, and then i just collapsed into a sobbing mess in the bathroom closest to the front door, and i was totally paralyzed, and then she approached me and told me that i’m a terrible person for listening to her cry (i wasn’t), and that i had seconds to leave before she was going to explode, and then she hit the wall above my head and i physically flinched, and i honestly remember telling her that she was scaring me before i left. and that was the last thing i said to her, which also hurts a lot. i thought she was going to hit me, it was terrifying and triggering; i wasn’t thinking straight, i know i should’ve left sooner. i know she’s been struggling, and maybe i just don’t understand what she’s going through, but words are psychologically scarring, and this hasn’t been the first time that she’s said some fucked up shit to me. you don’t say those things to people. i don’t understand how someone can say that shit without trying to intentionally hurt someone. she makes me feel like i deserve it, she tells me that she wouldn’t have to yell or insult me if i would’ve just “listened” to her or “moved on.” she constantly blames these reactions on me, and she blamed this reaction on me, too, and i feel like that’s unfair. i love her and i care about her and i would never do anything to intentionally hurt her, but i’m struggling to process what happened. i don’t know what to do. it just scared me, and i didn’t know how to react or cope, but i knew that i couldn’t emotionally handle her trying to contact me, so i blocked her to protect my sanity because i need time and space to process what happened and figure out what i’m going to say and do next.
after blocking her, she sent me an email where she begged me to speak to her in a few days after i’ve “calmed down,” and she compared me to her ex and that her “mental health is seriously not okay” and my “actions are directly affecting it,” and that i know that being blocked and ignored is her biggest fear and that i’m somehow using this against her, and to “please just be aware of how dangerous what you’re doing is.” her roommate/best friend messaged me today, and explained to me that my (ex) girlfriend told her that she got super mad and yelled some really mean things to me, and then she said that although she’d “hate to use mental health to excuse behaviour,” but she’s been struggling with “this kinda thing” for a long time, and that she’s been working on it with medication and individual therapy as well as dbt (which is true) — she told me that icing her out like this without talking about it with her and giving her the chance to apologize is cruel, and that i’m treating her like how their other misogynistic roommate treats girls by “(not giving them a chance to say anything, just dumping them over text and blocking them).” this all feels super manipulative and guilt-trippy, i don’t know. i i don’t know if i should forgive her or contact her again and allow her to say something after what happened last monday.
i feel awful and so fucking guilty for blocking and hurting her. but i’m so sick of this behaviour, and it only seems to be getting worse. any and all advice is appreciated. thank you for reading.
tl;dr: i (F23) blocked my (now ex) girlfriend (F26) with BPD because she had a meltdown/episode and said and did hurtful things. i don’t think i’m able to forgive her after this one, but her roommate keeps messaging me and guilting me into talking to my ex
1 comment
It is super manipulative. Stay away from her. She is abusive. D9 not accept abuse from a partner.