I (F30) have a friend (M37) who I’ve known for about six months. We meet up maybe every 3 weeks or so to grab food or go for a walk. I wouldn’t describe us as close but we have some things in common and I enjoy his company.
A couple months ago, my mom was rushed to the hospital and needed emergency surgery. Needless to say, it was one of the worst and scariest weeks of my life. I took a few days of work to stay with her at the hospital and was her primary caregiver after she was discharged. My friend (M37) saw me post about it on social media and wished her a successful recovery, which I appreciated.
Everything started on a Monday. On Friday, I finally had some space to catch my breath and do some self-care. I went for a walk and signed up for a yoga class, which was a big deal because my family had been in crisis mode all week. During my walk, my friend texted me asking how my mom was doing. I didn’t have the capacity to respond in that moment, but appreciated the gesture and kept walking.
Then, about 30 minutes later, he texted again. He said something I said when we last hungout (about a week prior) had made him “uncomfortable” and he wanted to jump on the phone and talk about it when I had a moment. The message itself is fine… I was just in disbelief that he thought that right then was an appropriate time to send it. I was also a little confused because our conversations tend to be somewhat neutral. We talked about work, hobbies, and books, which feel like fairly safe topics.
Anyways, I told him that I wasn’t in a state to respond right then, but I’d get back to him when everything calmed down. Some time has passed now and now “the talk” is still hanging over my head. But I can’t help but feel totally turned off and demotivated about our friendship. I feel like when there is a family emergency, a true friend would show up to be supportive, not redirect the focus back to themselves.
TL;DR- Friend (M37) wanted to confront me during a family emergency. I’ve (F30) lost motivation to continue the friendship and want to know if I’m being too harsh.
6 comments
> Friend (M37) wanted to confront me during a family emergency.
No, not *during*. The crisis was over and you were engaged in self-care when you got his message.
Do you even know yet what his issue is?
It’s understandable to feel turned off by his timing, but it’s worth having an honest conversation with him before ending the friendship. Maybe he didn’t realize how his message came across and he’ll be more considerate in the future.
>He said something I said when we last hungout (about a week prior) had made him “uncomfortable” and he wanted to jump on the phone and talk about it when I had a moment.
Personally, I don’t have an issue with his timing so much. But I do have an issue with him choosing to pre-view a problem he has with you over text instead of just waiting until you see each other again and bringing it up then. It’s like a version of “We need to talk.” Now you have to have an appointment to be reprimanded (or whatever) that you’ll be dreading (on top of your other life stresses).
i think you’re expecting a bit too much. you know him for six months and meet every 3 weeks so that means you’ve only seen each other about 7-8 times now? Not a very close or old friendship where you’d expect a higher level of support. Was it bad timing on his side? Yes, but you’re overreacting a little IMO.
Why do you call this a friendship?
It is really hard to gauge when a good time is to say you are uncomfortable with something. I agree it may have been too early to send it to you, but for some people waiting on it for too long is also bad. There really isn’t a good time, it is more like a *really bad time* and a not great time to say something like that. So I would say he is somewhere in the middle.