Ladies, when did you realize you deserved better in a relationship? What was your breaking point?

15 comments

1. When I told them that I felt they over sexualized and objectified me and they responded that my body is great and that I’m great, as if me myself am just an afterthought not caring how I felt. I knew then and there that they couldn’t see me as a human being and only cared about my physical appearance. If the objectification wasn’t enough this person was also a huge misogynist, homophobe, and a racist. I don’t know why I stuck with this asshole for over 3 months, maybe I felt trapped. They never listened to a word I said, always spoke over me to talk about themselves, they just lived in a made up fucked up fantasy in their head that put themselves over everyone.

2. When I could breathe easier and felt more relaxed when he wasn’t around.
   He had some good qualities early on in the relationship but became replaced with belittling, malicious incompetence, combativeness and regularly over drinking.

3. I had an ex who cheated on me. His explanation for his change in behaviour was depression. For 3-4 months I tried my best to help him, when he wouldn’t help himself (I won’t go into all the details)
   I did eventually break up with him because he wouldn’t get help for his “depression”, but I allowed him to continue living in my house(rent free) till he could find his feet…

   That’s till I found out he had been cheating for the whole time. That change in behaviour was not depression.
   I kicked him out asap (Christmas Eve Eve)

   From that point I changed how I dated. What I would and wouldn’t accept in a future partner. I asked the hard questions early on, I didn’t let the small things slide. Expected more.

   I’m now happily married, with an amazing man and a baby on the way. The relationship now is so far beyond what I’d ever had before and the kind I think everyone deserves.

4. When I got yelled at for having a friend over to our apartment, who was just chit-chatting with me and helping me dry the dishes. He came in and blew up, screaming at me in front of her and making her super uncomfortable. Partners who don’t let you have a social life should be dropped at lightning speed.

5. When I was home alone and started having trouble breathing. I went to the ER when the oximeter at home started reading 90. He didn’t answer his phone, which is fair bc it was very early. Once I got to ER, the confirmed it was asthma and I would be OK. The next day, I went over there and realized that he was dog sitting during the week without mentioning it to me so when I’d go over to his house, I’d sleep in sheets with dog hair and then be at heightened risk for these asthma episodes. The dog sitting wasn’t the issue – I love dogs. It was the inability to OFFER communication. If I’d known ahead of time, I could have taken medicine. We could have done an extra round of vacuuming just to help me out. I’d have to specifically ask questions to get answers and there was a general pattern of him offering the least amount of detail. When it impacted my health, I was out. It felt so insincere to hide / forgo mentioning something that would land me in the ER. Someone can be oblivious of things to start, but after it’s specifically mentioned as a pain point, I find it plain inconsiderate and rude for it to go unaddressed. Effort matters.

6. In the 1.5-2 years we were together, I never stopped asking myself or my friends, do you think he is good enough for me?

7. [removed]

8. I always stayed in bad relationships until it took a physical toll on my body.

   So now I don’t. As soon as something feels wrong or they slight you, leave.

   You can give second chances but most times I’ve found it gives them more chances to abuse you.

9. He’d go away and I would be relaxed. He would be on his way back and I’d get crippling bouts of anxiety.

   He’d gaslit me for years so I thought I was crazy. Then when he wasn’t around, I was myself.

   Took a lot to get away and break out, but I’m thankful everyday I finally broke up and went no contact.

10. I finally realized this after therapy and being on antidepressants. I had done so due to sexual abuse and other things. During my healing and building boundaries, I learned my ex was quite the pos.

11. When I realized I wasn’t myself anymore. I felt more limited than I did when I lived at home with my parents. Constantly walking on eggshells.

    Honestly, the breaking point was he finally took me out on a date (we had been together for 2 years) and he fell asleep during the movie. I tried to pass him his pop afterwards because he wanted to keep it and he said I’m a grown woman and I can carry it. When we got home he preceded to scream in my face about how I’m an ungrateful b**** because I said (honestly in the most polite way possible) ‘if you were so tired we could’ve just saved the date for another day.’

    I left a few months back and will never go back. Absolutely not.

12. He told me it was my fault our mutual (now deceased) friend raped me in my sleep.

    Raised his hand like he was gonna hit me.

    Countless other instances.

13. When he showed up late and high on every single date, took endless cigarette breaks, bragged about commiting physical violence, snorting coke, and that he didn’t believe in the patriarchy. I regretted not ending it sooner.

14. After he cheated and I started to open up about how he treated me. I kept a lot to myself and peoples reactions were surprising to what I essentially thought was normal/fine daily behavior because someone was stressed

15. When I realized he wanted me to be a different person. He seriously thought I could morph into his description of the perfect woman. Meanwhile he constantly insisted that I love and accept him just as he was. And then I realized he was a narcissist. A broke, underemployed, super under achiever, who used people, me being the main one he used. Narcissistics are very charming in the beginning. But they cannot keep up the ruse for long. I have never in my life been more relieved when I look back, to know that I’m not stuck with this guy anymore.