I am trying to break up with my boyfriend who I have been in a 2 year relationship with. It is long distance only met in school afterwards nothing. Never seen him outside of high school I’m in my second year of college now and nothing. After I brought up the breakup he started saying he can’t live without me and how we can fix things between us. But I just don’t want to do it anymore.
I just don’t think I can continue on like this. The moment I told him I was done with it he suddenly said he wanted to fly out to meet my parents and try to make things right. He has never met my parents and frankly he never wanted to meet them to begin with. I never told my parents about my relationship because i knew my mother would say I was stupid for putting myself in a relationship like this and mention how I was wasting my time. He’s trying to convince me to tell my parents about me and him but to be honest I don’t want to because i feel completely done with him. Suddenly when i don’t want anything to do with him anymore he wants to fix everything. He keeps mentioning how he needs me and how he wants to be with me. But i dont want to be with him anymore. I feel like the both of us have wasted each others time and deserve something better. I have told him this however, he’s hell bent on saying that i haven’t wasted his time. I feel like i have. I just don’t want this anymore. At all.
He started saying a lot of suicidal things. Like if I leave him he’ll be miserable. He’s trying to find solutions to make the relationship work and honestly I’m feeling guilty now. Guilty because I’m scared of what he’ll do to himself. I also feel like he’s trying to make the relationship last longer however if it continues I’ll drive myself crazy. I don’t know what to do. My mental health is in shambles and him saying all these cryptic things is adding onto my guilt. It’s making me want to stay but only in fear that he’ll do something to himself.
Please help what do I do.
tl;dr: boyfriend won’t accept breakup, I feel miserable and want to end this.
11 comments
Block his number. Stop communicating with him so you can move on with your life. Stop looking him up, stop reading and replying to his texts. Don’t look at his social media.
Reaffirm that you are broken up. Block. No contact. Any further contact is unnecessary and only brings more drama. Shut that off. Completely.
You made up your mind already and don’t care about him anymore. Move on.
Block him everywhere, if you really feel like it inform a friend or family of his about what he is saying and put it out of your mind
He’s saying those things to hurt you and manipulate you. Don’t let him, even if he were to hurt himself it wouldn’t be your fault at all
If you know his best friend or close family member he trusts, you send an email or text saying “James is having a hard time accepting that we are no longer together. I won’t be accepting further contact with him for safety, but he could use someone to talk to.’
Then get on the interwebs and cut off every contact ir possible access. Change passwords, block, change accounts – be thorough. Then never respond again – he’ll give up the drama and poor-me-ing when he finds his next internet gf to ignore and fail to move forward with.
I’ve had a similar situation happen to myself. I also had my ex bf say he would kill himself if I ever left him or how his life would be over if I ever did. I tried to make it work with him so many times but I decided I was just done one day. It just didn’t work.
If he’s not getting the hint after you told him repeatedly that you’re done, cut off all contact. This may seem harsh but that’s the only thing to do here. There is no other way. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Like the other comments say, he’s emotionally manipulating you into staying.
As much as will hurt you, as much you probably do care for him, the best thing for both you and him is to cut contact. The only way for him to heal faster is to stop having any contact between the two of you.
Sometimes things aren’t anyone’s fault, not yours, not his, it just didn’t work out. It is the biggest cliche, but it is a cliche because it is true, time and distance will numb both of your pain. But you can’t start that process by continuing to talk to him, him telling himself there is hope by you talking to him, and him guilt tripping you into continuing to talk with him (which is manipulative and honestly bordering on abusive if he continues that behavior.)
If you feel that you have to explain it to him, to have to write a letter, or an email, or a text, or a snap, or however you two communicate… then write one. Be honest and just let him know this is for the best, it’s no one’s fault, there is no anger, there is no blame, and it’s time to move on.
And if you don’t feel the need to explain further, if you’ve already explained enough, then just toughen up, and block everything from him. He will move on eventually, but it is now up to him to decide when he does. It is not your problem.
This is just one of life’s lessons, for you, and for him. Sometimes things don’t work out. Sometimes things fizzle out. Sometimes things weren’t meant to be. And sometimes they hurt, but we learn from them, we grow, and we move forward.
He’s going through something called “limerence,” which is a period of irrational obsession. It happens a lot to people in breakups like this.
It’s a pitiable condition, but nobody should have to live with the irrational things that it drives people to do.
Block him, and if necessary explain that he’s not to contact your parents for any reason. Every time you respond to him, you’re lengthening the time it will take him to get out of this emotional hellscape.
Tell his friends and/or family that he’s continually threatening suicide, and that you need to block him for your own well-being, so they need to make sure he gets the help he needs.
>Like if I leave him he’ll be miserable.
Well, yeah. He will be miserable. Getting dumped is miserable. You feel like shit for a while, sometimes for a long while. This is part of life, and he’s going to have to figure out some coping strategies. Walk away, don’t look back, stop reacting to his bullshit. Rip the bandaid off.
Block him. He doesn’t have to accept it.