When I was about 7 years old I got in a fight with my (used to be) friend, who is now going to be my brother’s best man at his wedding. I just want to try to understand the rationale behind his hatred towards me, and I’m going to try to state this as non-biased as I can.
I cant even remember why we fought. Eventually during the fight he had me pinned down and I decided my only move was to bite his thumb, his hand was pushing on my face. We stayed friends (or so I thought) after that and spent many years together without it being brought up. Our families vacationed together and we always had fun together.
Flash-forward 20 years later and I ran into him at a party and he immediately brought it up and I felt absolutely awful that it had such an impact that he, as an adult, brought it up and belittled me for it. There was no lasting damage, we were children, but I still feel awful. I can’t even talk to my brother about it. I told him his friend who I bit was still mad at me about it and he said I deserve it.
It’s making me feel like a garbage person and I don’t feel like I deserve as much hate as I’m getting for it. Now he’s going to be my brother’s best man and I’m worried about seeing him at the wedding.
I wish I could somehow make things right, but at this point I just don’t think there’s anything I can do. I just don’t know where to go from here.
My plan is to just be quiet and mind my own business at the wedding, but I’m also trying to stand up to myself more because I feel like in the past I’ve let people walk all over me. Obviously I’m not going to make a scene at the wedding, the day isn’t about me, but this guy is probably going to be a part of my life forever and I want things to be okay between us. I’m not very eloquent and I feel like anything I say is just going to make things worse.
How do I move forward?
4 comments
I feel like the reason you were fighting is pretty important information here. Find that out first.
Dude he’s pissed about a playground fight from when you were *7 years old?* Did he never grow up? YOU don’t have to do anything, he needs to realize that it happened before you guys were even fully functional human beings that didn’t need guidance or parenting. I know this sounds bad, but…he’s being a little bitch, I can’t think of any other way to put it. You were 7 for fuck sake. He needs to quit being a bitch, plain and simple – this is pathetic.
A grown man should be able to spend time with someone they haven’t had beef with since 3rd grade without acting like an immature child. This is entirely on him.
There has to be more to it than that. What rational person stays mad about a childhood fight for 20 years?
I’d ask your brother to meditate while you and the friend sit down and talk through it. Hopefully you’ll clear things up. If it really is that you bit him when you were 7, your brother can tell him how incredibly childish and ridiculous he’s being.
I think to make any sort of progress into smoothing things over is to get to the bottom of what exactly led up to the physical fight.
You say it was *probably* over Mario Kart but what about it led to the fight? Were you winning and rubbing it in his face? Did you trash talk and say something you shouldn’t have?