Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years. We started fooling around really early into the relationship but didn’t start PIV until around 6 months in. I’ve always been a horny person, he obviously knows this. We both used to battle porn addictions and such but we made a boundary together that we wouldn’t watch that stuff unless the other said it was okay.
I found out recently he had been lying and watching it throughout the last 8 months. I was livid, mostly because he lied and also because when I wanted to watch porn and reach out to him about, he told me no, and so I didn’t. A big part of it is also because we don’t have sex often.
We will go for 1 round and he’ll cum, and then barely care to help me. I’ve lowered my standards so much to the point where I don’t even expect him to make me orgasm ( clitorically )but just to play around with my chest and dirty talk to me. He won’t even do that sometimes. When I want to do a round 2, he says he’s too sensitive or he can’t get hard for a second time.
Now, I’ve told him this. I’ve nonstop communicated every detail. There is no more “tell him how you feel”, because I’ve told him everything. How disappointed I am with the frequency of sex, and how short the sex actually lasts. I ask why he doesn’t use toys on me or doesn’t really make out with me anymore, and it’s always “i always thought those were used for when i’m not there” and “okay i’ll try to make out with you more”.
I’m so tired of hearing “I’ll try” instead of him just doing what he says he will. I’m so sexually frustrated I want to cry. Just last night he was too tired to do anything, so I masturbated right next to him and he didn’t roll over to do anything to me. I’m at the end of my rope and I can’t deal with this sexual frustration. I feel like I’m not expecting a lot, all I want is to be fucked, I just don’t know what to do anymore.
And before it’s suggested, I know he’s not cheating on me, and we also have an appt scheduled next week to check his testosterone levels. I just don’t know what to do.
TLDR: Sexually frustrated with boyfriend, don’t know where to go from here.
18 comments
Sounds like your relationship is over. Sex is a major concern for you and he is putting in no effort. At this rate sounds like a life of disappointing sex.
What’s stopping you from walking away from this relationship? At this point it’s pretty clear that he’s either unwilling or incapable of putting in to effort to satisfy you. Sounds like the two of you aren’t as compatible as you once thought
If he can’t satisfy you… you should move on or you will continue beating yourself up for something you have no control over. Find someone who matches your needs. Don’t just settle because you’ve been together for a bit… you’re still very young. Don’t let him treat you like that.
Why are you staying with a person that doesn’t care about your needs?
It sounds like you’ve done everything that you can do but you’re still unsatisfied with your sex life.
It’s not just the unsatisfying sex life that’s the problem. It’s the response. The “I’ll try” without ever seeing any effort must be super frustrating. You spend so much effort trying to solve this issue and he spends no time. No time at all.
My guess is that you’ll find more happiness in a man that can’t keep his hands off of you.
Women things not to say to your novios it seems like all you want to do is fuck me.
Sexual incompatibility has ended a lot of relationships. Your feelings shouldn’t be ignored. If he can’t even try to satisfy your needs maybe it’s time to consider ending things.
you’re done as a couple – move on
We need to fuck
OP.
There’s no magic answer. Your partner either does what you’re asking of them and shows the effort, or they don’t. You are coming to the crossroads of
1. I need to break up with this person
2. I need to accept the situation for what it is
He’s also dishonest as you mentioned about the porn. And if a partner is engaging in porn in a relationship that is already struggling sexually, that’s a really bad sign/look. It’s one thing to have porn in a sexually healthy relationship.
Also – I do think if you haven’t done this yet, he shouldn’t cum until you cum, or at least try that sometime if you already haven’t.
And, if you’ve already had the talk about the toys and kissing and in further sexual times this hasn’t come up on his end, then it’s just an excuse. Saying it one time is a passable excuse, talking about it and then neglecting it again is another.
Could be classic sexual incompatibility.
It’s time to break up and move on. You deserve someone who will take care of your needs. You’re still young so you have nothing to worry about. Cut your losses and move on.
he wants you to feel frustrate, honey. for him, he gets a sadistic thrill out of the power trip of controlling your emotions and sexuality. Look at his double standards, “it’s okay for me to watch as much porn as I want but she must ask permission.” he is fundamentally a trash human being and has nothing to do with not communicating better. He does not see you as an equal or your needs as important and they only thing theyll listen to is your absence
It doesn’t seem like he is willing to put in the effort. Id say he’s not a bad guy but there is definitely someone out there that will put in the effort just like you have for him. It’s important to find a partner that is sexually compatible. My fiancé is a blessing. I hope you find someone similar.
Sorry… and you should probably leave him. To put it bluntly you’re his masturbation toy, he doesn’t care at all about you’re pleasure. If you don’t want to be treated like sex doll leave him.
You need to reconsider your relationship with him as he is not even trying to meet you half way to make this relationship work. You guys are not on the same page when it comes to sex so this should be a deal breaker thing for you. You are too young to be sexually frustrated so end things with him and find a new guy who can keep the pace with you when it comes to sex.
Sexual incompatibility is a good reason to move on.
He’s probably stressed tbh. Work or school or whatever. Stress causes guys to try to simplify and a 3 year relationship, it’s pretty easy to get into a habitual rut. That goes for you as well.
You’re demanding he does these things to you but I don’t think you’re doing anything to get him going either.
Why don’t you try setting up the situations you want instead of expecting him to do it?