I already rsvp’d to my bf’s work party. I don’t even like his company cause to me they are a schoolbook example of a toxic work culture with many burnouts but my partner makes good money and doesn’t mind the long hours. I do.
But now it turns out the dress code is “cocktail”. Like who on earth does cocktail parties for an office job. It probably won’t be a cocktail party, it is just a clown dress code to make us feel like we belong or some BS. Last retirement party they pulled a “Dropout” and wore a man’s face as a mask (hundreds of people wearing a paper mask) for his retirement and the guy was uncomfortable.
Just to give you an idea of the work culture. I don’t have cocktail attire .. it would cost me € 1000 to get matching shoes and a coat. I don’t even own a clutch. I feel like just wearing whatever I want? Best I can do is a pretty skirt with panty hose, a longsleeve or shirt, and my regular jacket and shoulder bag. Or I can leave my bag in the car if I must. I dress more casually/sportive/preppy/cottagecore. I could perhaps order some pumps in time.
I was just wondering if I should be going at all. I really don’t like these kinds of parties and I feel like work and private life shouldn’t mix. I feel like companies try to suck you in or get information out of you. I am already introverted and anxious and I won’t make a good impression, I’m afraid. I don’t know. I have social skills. But I feel like with my clothes I won’t even fit in.
TLDR I have nothing to wear to partner’s work party and I don’t even like the office culture. Feel like work and family should not mix and feel like asking my partner if I still have to go, but I already RSVP’d.
14 comments
Just don’t go if you don’t feel comfortable. Be honest with him and he can just tell them you’re ill and can’t make it.
You don’t have to spend $1000 on cocktail attire, I’m sure there is many vintage shops, ebay, Shein, etc where you can get something suitable. No company would expect someone to fork out such an amount for a party.
My company did similar parties and I just wore whatever I had in my wardrobe and I work there. 😂
I would go if they pay your boyfriend good money and he wants you to go.
You can buy something at a thrift store or wear a simple little black dress and borrow some sparkly jewelry. That should do it. You must have a friend or relative that owns a clutch get some simple pumps at the thrift store.
Smile at everyone and act glad to meet them. Don’t drink too much. Done.
Don’t go.
Given your evident considerable disgust for this employer (I don’t blame you for that, they sound appalling) and how tiresome and bullyingly provocative their events seem to be, I don’t think you’ll be able to fake playing nice for a few hours, especially with a belly full of booze, so it sounds like you will be a liability to your partner, not an asset if you attend. I would certainly not trust myself to suck up to his boss.
But if you *do* go, you have to play the game. You absolutely must conform to the dress code. You don’t have to spend a grand though. Few of the people there know the difference between a 90 dollar “little black dress” and a thousand dollar one. Same for shoes. Almost any black shoe will do. And IDK if you are OK with secondhand, but that’s an option too. You don’t need a clutch; your partner can carry a lipstick and a tampon for you or whatever, and you shouldn’t take a phone anyway.
Or of course invite your partner to treat you to an outfit.
Wow your whole attitude is toxic.
Ironic you claim they are toxic
Did you communicate this to your bf? The trouble with finding a cocktail dress, the stress it is putting on you. Have him help you.
I wouldn’t even go to this if I was your bf. “hundreds of people wearing a paper mask” lol what?
My partner wouldn’t even ask me to go to this because they would know there isn’t a chance in hell.
Don’t go. You obviously don’t want to and you will probably be miserable and make him miserable.
While your boyfriends workplace might be toxic, you attitude definitely so.
Cocktail is a common theme. Additionally, you don’t ever need to spend thousands of dollars when a thrifted dress will do and maybe a pair of heels/purse you already have.
It’s meant to be a company event that celebrates their employees. It might be cliche and tacky, but at lease the intent is good. It doesn’t sound like you’re very appreciative of that facts
You are being ridiculous. You can buy a cocktail dress for cheap. Get a second hand dress, if necessary.
Edit* If you don’t want to go to the party, don’t go or wear whatever you want.
I’m saying you are ridiculous for acting like it would cost a thousand to go.
This is an insane overreaction
1. Why tf do you have to spend $1000 on a dress for a work party? That’s a massive exaggeration. The outfit you mentioned you already have would be fine.
2. It sounds like you are letting your own opinions dictate your partners profession. That’s a red flags right there 🚩🚩
>. it would cost me € 1000 to get matching shoes and a coat. I don’t even own a clutch.
Wouldn’t your BF be the one to pay for all this, since he wants you on his arm at the event?
Lots of office jobs have cocktail attire parties? Including my own.
Why wouldn’t they? Opposed to what other jobs would it be more “appropriate”? Fast food lol? If any job is going to have a cocktail dress code for a work party it’s going to be office jobs.
Basically any work party or wedding I go to is cocktail attire and I can’t really imagine not having any cocktail clothes. I could go to a thrift store right now and find a cocktail suitable dress. Maybe that’s not how it is in your country but if your partner makes good money and wants you to come, I don’t see why he can’t just buy you a cocktail dress. It would be good to have one anyways…because life has lots of events that require nicer clothes.
However, it kind of seems like you’re just opposed to going regardless. Why did you even RSVP if you hated the place and fancy clothes so much? Or think private life and work life shouldn’t mix? You sound pretty paranoid…thinking the job is trying to suck information out of its employees lol.
It’s really not a big deal. Office parties are ways to increase friendship among employees and a way to reward employees and their spouses with a good time and food…they’re not to flex or to spy on employees.
Just don’t go if you don’t want to tho. You’re obviously blowing this way out of proportion so it might be best for everyone for you to just sit out.
> Like who on earth does cocktail parties for an office job
Most people? This is the most common level of formality for a work event at a nice office.
> it would cost me € 1000 to get matching shoes and a coat
Why? This is an absurd amount of money to think you need to spend. A cocktail party is essentially business casual, you can wear a coat you already own and some non-ratty flats or heels and be fine. A nice skirt and shirt as described is appropriate cocktail party attire. You don’t need a clutch either, you’ll probably leave your purse at a coat check or the table if you’re at a restaurant/event space. This isn’t white tie.
Did you actually ask your boyfriend what you’re expected to wear or are you misunderstanding the formality of “cocktail party”? He knows how you dress and what’s in your closet, if he thought you needed something much fancier he’d probably mention it and offer to purchase it for you since it’s his work event.
It sounds like you might be making excuses because you don’t want to go, and this sounds better than “I’m not interested in going with you.” Yes, of course you should go and support him. Nobody is going to be worrying about your clothes.