My boyfriend( 20 M ) and I ( 21 F ) have been dating for two years now. At the very start of the relationship I wasn’t in an emotionally good place. He told me he loved me within a week of talking… We had many fights about him being too clingy. I felt suffocated for most of the relationship. Prior to the relationship I had no friends and wanted to make more. Fast forward to now I hang out with them weekly and have a social life. He doesn’t have any friends at his college. He’d rather be layed up in my dorm all day. Even though he’d prefer to just stay in I’d still go out and enjoy time with friends. When I come back he gets really distant with me and very weird. Instead of him trying to make friends he’d be doing these “tasks” on his laptop all day. I feel like he’s a narc deep down. What should I do ?
TL:DR Boyfriend is too clingy with no social
life
6 comments
So what do you actually get out of this relationship that makes all this mess worth staying for?
sounds like early stage manipulation and fledgling control efforts on his part. Giving you any version of a silent treatment for having a social life is a red flag. He shouldn’t be resenting you having friends, and he shouldn’t be using “distance” and silent tantrums to try to isolate you with him.
He jumped in and love-bombed you when you were vulnerable and now he wants you to be his whole life. At the very least, kick him out of your dorm room when you aren’t there.
But really, think about ending it. He’s not clingy. He’s suffocating and sounds manipulative. Escape while you still have your own door with a lock on it.
If you don’t even like this guy why are you still with him? Some people aren’t outgoing or very social, the problem is you’re still in a relationship with someone who’s personality bothers you.
Hiiii I’m new here I’m shakira
Both of you are young. Nothing is wrong with your boyfriend. He has a melancholic-choleric temperament.
Personalities of this type do not have many friends and they derive their strength from been alone. The choleric side of the temperament is what makes them to “focus on those bits of tasks online”. they see “work and tasks” as buddies and they fill the time with it. melancholic can be very jealous and when they have a choleric alongside it, they can get very controlling and possessive.
I can tell you may be a sanguine, hence the penchant for social activities and a social life.
Ask yourself, DO I LIKE HIS PERSONALITY? if No? then quit. Don’t let him convince you to stay as that is who he is and you don’t need to master how to adapt to his personality type.
You are young. You may need to understand yourself and your temperament so you understand who the real YOU is and what your interests are.