Sorry about the odd title but the situation is a little hard to describe.
I have this former friend who I used to be very close to. We met in high school and were extremely close between 2007 and 2014. By the time we had both left school in 2013, we made the most of it and hung out regularly, and I spent a bunch of time at her house.
We were always pretty comfortable talking to each other about anything, including our sexuality, kinks, that sort of thing. By the end of 2013, our relationship had escalated and we had began experimenting with each other. Nothing crazy, just the odd thing here and there, but it opened up an entirely different side to our friendship.
We weren’t officially dating or anything and we were too scared to admit our true feelings for one another at the time but things were evolving rapidly. Before it went any further though, she broke my trust. It didn’t involve anyone else, it wasn’t something she said, it was more to do with my own personal comfort and safety while around her. She’d gotten greedy and very controlling. She’d become desensitised towards a lot of our experimentation and no longer seemed to care for my boundaries.
I felt like her own personal plaything or guinea pig and it was getting to the stage where she was becoming very invasive and disruptive in my life. So I cut her off. I told her several times about how I felt and give her a number of chances, but it became too much and I cut her off. It was hard for me to do because of how I felt and how close we’d been, but I just couldn’t trust her anymore when it came to more intimate things.
Until 2021, I hadn’t heard from her. Over the years I’ve managed to keep her out of my head but my feelings for her have never truly gone away. I stupidly reached out in 2021 by texting her and lo and behold she still had the same number. We started with small talk, just how are you, what are you doing in life now, that sort of thing, but gradually we started talking about us. I told her how I felt and she said she was sorry multiple times for how she treated me.
Since then, we’ve been texting back and forth, traded a few pics, admitted to each other our feelings, what we want to do, all that jazz. Since the start of the year our conversations have become more frequent and we’ve discussed the possibility of meeting up again. Nothing crazy, just as friends, but I know for a fact and she knows for a fact that things will very easily and quickly escalate into something more than just friendship.
I’ve allowed myself to become infatuated with her but in all honesty I do miss our close companionship and I’ve never had another friend like her. I’m torn though because she ruined my trust but to her defence it’s been nearly 10 years and she says she’s changed and certainly seems to have turned her life around, or at least that’s what she tells me.
I’m just looking for some advice on whether I should give her a chance, especially considering how I feel towards her.
TL;DR: Should I give an old friend who became invasive and disrespectful towards boundaries but with whom I feel very strongly towards another chance, including the possibility of a romantic relationship?
2 comments
It’s true that people experience personal growth and change over time, especially if the last time you really interacted with her was when you were both teens.
You could give her a chance, but you need to be firm with your boundaries and pay attention to the possibility of these behaviours emerging again. Don’t let infatuation blind you and put yourself in a bad situation again.
It’s definitely possible for someone to have changed in 10 years. Maybe immediately tell her that it’s a hard boundary for you that you appreciate she knows she crossed before but it cannot be approached again. You know she knows that and has acknowledged it, but you feel you need to clearly express it again before anything potentially rekindled between you two.