So me (m18) and my gf (f19) have been together 5 months and about a month ago we got into a fight because she called me an asshole and said I didn’t care about her because I didn’t take the day off work for her dentist appointment that her parents were taking her to. It got heated and I admit I have a bad tone when I’m angry, my family is the same way. We eventually hung up and she called me later that day asking if we could go get food. I went because I thought maybe we could work this out. We got there and sit down. she then tells me she tried to overdose on Benadryl because of our argument and said my tone made her want to kill herself. I’m in shock so I go to the bathroom and call my mom. My mom says I need to tell her parents. So I go back, we finish eating and leave to go to her house. She has dance practice so she leaves and seems completely fine. As soon as she leaves I tell her parents and her mom is shocked and immediately calls a doctor. The doctor said that if somebody took that much Benadryl (6 doses) that they wouldn’t be able to walk and definitely not drive. So now I’m worried senseless she’s gonna wreck but she comes home later and still seems fine. So me, her and her parents talk about everything for hours and her mom doesn’t believe she actually took the pills and thinks my gf Is lying to me. My gf denies it and gets mad that they think she’d do that. So after our long talk I decided I wanted a break from the relationship because of this and some others things that were going on (attachment issues) and we didn’t see each other for a week. After the break I decide I wanted to stay with her because I love and care for her very much. So we get back together and we’re talking about everything that happened and she said again that my tone made her wanna kill herself and that it’s not what I said (because I did not degrade her or anything) it’s solely how I said it. So after that our relationship was never the same. I feel like we’re either having sex or fighting. It’s like that the only time we agree is during sex. I feel like she doesn’t actually love me and that she is just infatuated with me. I don’t ever feel like I get the attention I need and that I’m always giving her what she wants with nothing in return . It just seems one sided. I’ve lost most of my love for her. I’ve caught myself finding interest in other girls, our sex isn’t as passionate to me anymore, I don’t get excited to see her. I get bored and frustrated when she’s around. I just need some help Reddit.
Edit: I also forgot to mention that it took a lot of convincing to do for her to agree to a break. At first she said “no, you either stay with me or break up with me, I’m not taking a break”. Amd even after the break she said “I don’t care what happens we are never doing that again.”
31 comments
Bro…. This is not a relationship. It doesn’t work. You have to end it. And she needs professional help.
You seem mature for your age, the girl however doesn’t and she probably needs professional help, might be a good idea to talk to her parents about finding it for her. You should end it with her before you end up hating her.
Gonna read this whole post in a sec, but wanted.to state that she tried to commit suicide because of what she’s feeling. Never place yourself at fault for someone else’s decision like that. If the worst ever happens, you’ll immediately blame yourself and that’s a hard bog to crawl out of
It sounds like you and your girlfriend don’t really have anything in common. Also don’t let her manipulate you. Sometimes people will use “killings themselves” as a way to guilt and control their partner any time they do something they don’t like. You did the right thing talking to her parents. Honestly I would just walk away from this relationship. It doesn’t sound like either of you are happy.
Yeah so what help do you need? The relationship isn’t working. It’s 5 months, not 5 years. Accept that it’s toxic and leave.
Stop prostituting yourself, mate. If you don’t love her, end the relationship.
That emotional blackmail that she practices won’t stop, but will get stronger. You’ll be in a cage of fear.
How she responds to the events in her life is not your responsibility. That includes your reactions or actions.
I’m not a therapist, but it sounds like she’s got sole.signs of BPD. That’s a really.hard one to work through.even with help. Hopefully she’ll be able to manage it eventually, but you shouldn’t be an emotional punching bag in the meantime.
Time to exit stage right bud
Oh no, honey, she didn’t try to commit suicide because of you. She did it because she is mentally unstable and/or manipulative.
Sounds like she has BPD that she is not taking care of
My friend, trust me just run, it won’t get better. She doesn’t want to help herself, and you’re the target
The relationship is unhealthy, and her lie about suicide is disgusting.
Dump her hard.
If you been with a chick for five months and she’s gonna off herself over your tone of voice, run for the hills cuz she’s either immature or nuts (or both) and it’s not gonna end well. Just speaking from experience (was dating a girl for 8 months and she told me she was gonna light herself on fire when she found out I smoked weed with her uncle)
Put these foolish ambitions to rest
Damn 5 months in she crazy
She wanted to get back at you so she made up committing suicide as a way to guilt you. Give up on this relationship man.
All this after 5 months? Ohhhh no. Nope no no.
You need to get out of this relationship. Your girlfriend is unstable, manipulative, and is taking her struggles out on you. This is not healthy for either of you. She has her parents to take care of her if she gets worse, you do not need to take responsibility for her.
You’re only 18, you’re in no hurry and you do not need to settle for being treated like this. Please take the time to realize that this relationship is not doing either of you any good, and get out.
Hey!
Please step out from this relationship. Seems like he tried to gaslight you into thinking you’re in the wrong, but remember that it’s not your fault if she considers doing something like that even more that it seems like she lied about it to make you feel sorry for her?
That’s harsh…
And you do not deserve to deal with this.
You lost the attraction as it seems, and it’s not even surprising after that.
Also, after 5 months????
Man… Imagine your life in 10 years, you argue about something and she just threatens you to kill herself.
Even if you love her and you don’t wanna leave but please think about your future. That’s pure manipulation.
You can’t carry on in a relationship scared of how your tone may come across incase she “try” to commit suicide!
I agree with the other comments on telling her parents so they can watch her if you do break up.
This is classic Borderline Personality Disorder.
She tried to kill herself because you didn’t *checks notes* take the day off because she had a dentist appointment? I don’t believe she actually tried to do that. If she managed to overdose on that she’d have been hospitalized for it. She’s being manipulative.
This is abuse. You are being held hostage with the threat of self homicide.
Run.
As someone who met people like this, i warn you: people like her make a bad name for people who are actually suicidal and need help. She treats suicide as form of control and abuse. She is putting the responsability for her life on you and it’s not fair. That’s a form of mistreatment, abuse and manipulation.
She will threat suicide everytime you don’t do what she expect from you and she is testing waters to see how far she can go.
All of that, and it’s only been 5 months?
Homie is this your first relationship?
1: breaks aren’t a thing. Grow up.
2: dont stay with someone who threatens you with suicide or self harm, or *lies* about trying to commit. All of that is just her manipulating you, and its working.
Find literally any self respect
Edit: I also forgot to mention that it took a lot of convincing to do for her to agree to a break. At first she said “no, you either stay with me or break up with me, I’m not taking a break”. Amd even after the break she said “I don’t care what happens we are never doing that again.”
First of all, I’m going to agree with your girlfriend on this one. Going on ‘a break’ is not a healthy thing IMO, and especially with whatever she’s going through. Don’t make it more complicated. Be clear.
Second of all, you two sound very toxic with each other. She needs to get herself straightened out first before she can be ready for a relationship. You didn’t ‘make’ her try suicide, she did that on her own.
Break up. She needs therapy and you have a lot of growing up to do.
As others have said and I can vouch from being in a similar relationship at your age that this is toxic, talking from my own experience everytime you will get “angry” or have a passionate response that gives you a tone you will be constantly worrying is she going to hurt herself you’ll burn yourself out. You will be emotionally blackmailed my ex broke my phone so I could only talk to her she even gave me a phone that only had her number and paid the phone bill to make sure I didn’t ring anyone else. I guess what I’m saying is run for the hills as you will find your queen 1 day and noone should feel like you do now.
So…she had a dentist appointment that required both parents and her bf to attend with her? And she says she tried to OD because she didn’t like your tone?
Get out now! Do not have sex with her! Imagine the horror of the next 20 years if she got pregnant….both for you and the child.
Run
As a male who went through the same sort of thing I’m warning you mate. This girl is unhinged and needs to seek psychological therapy. She’s telling you this so you’ll feel bad about yourself, question your morals and actions, and then she’ll use you insecurity of the situation against you. This won’t be the only time you hear about her trying to kill herself and it being your fault, and if you pursue a relationship with this woman she will seriously fuck with your head. Get out now while you still can, it’s not worth it no matter how she makes you feel right now.
I’ve taken that much Benadryl before and the doctor is correct, she would definitely have appeared intoxicated. She lied to manipulate you. High doses of Benadryl make you hallucinate and it lasts a long time. I wasn’t trying to kill myself BTW, I was just a dumb kid and had read online that you could get high on it. It takes A LOT of Benadryl to overdose and die, google says 20-40 mg per kg, so if she’s around 50 kg a fatal dose would be 40+ 25 mg tablets. Not advising anyone should take 6 doses of Benadryl, just doing the math.
It only gets worse from there. Most of the time, they’re lying and using it as a last resort of manipulation. Then they’ll have you stuck in fear and feeling responsible for their life. I highly doubt you not going to a dentist appointment is what would push her over the edge, if she is suicidal.
If she is, and did try, then it’s MUCH more than you. It isn’t because of you. In that case, she needs serious help and growth before pursuing a relationship in general.
If I had a dollar for every time a teenage boyfriend told me he had attempted suicide or threatened to when he didn’t get his way…..man.
I eventually started calling them out on it. They’re all still alive.
Set the boundary now. If you get back together, she should absolutely NOT EVER use that against you again. She needs to understand how messed up and obvious it is.
End it. She’s manipulative. Lying about committing suicide is even worse than attempting to commit suicide.