My partner is on a student visa atm. We met about 10 months ago during a time when he also lost his employment. I’m full-time permanent employed and have always been financially stable. The trouble started when we planned an overseas trip together (before he lost his job). A week before take off he told me he had saved very little than he had expected to. I ended up paying for most of the trip so we could still both go. He eventually paid me back, but then he lost his job. He was really struggling around this time and was asking me every so often for small amounts to get by. I always said yes and never asked any questions. I knew he was trying really hard to get another job and figured it was temporary. To make things easier we moved in together a month ago to save money but I ended up paying the upfront bond and associated costs. He has set up a payment plan starting next week but this has now left me with zero savings. Last week was the first time in over 10 years I literally had $5 left in my account. Last week he had finally been paid from his new job and I mentioned to him what I had left in my account and I asked him if I could borrow $20 just until I got paid. He seemed annoyed and asked me “what for”. It felt so demeaning. I’ve never had to ask a partner for money before and I was so ashamed. I have always referred to our finances as “our money” as we’re both in the stage of wanting to settle with each other and make financial plans. He has a new job so it should get better but deep down I am now starting to feel bitter about this and annoyed at his attitude after how much I have supported him. How do I place boundaries whilst working towards saving together?
4 comments
The disrespect after you supported him for months is unbelievable. My first impression is that he doesn’t view you as a partner or an equal. You’re just someone who helps get him where he wants to go. Did you ever ask him ‘what for?’ when he needed money?
You need to have a conversation with him, not about boundaries but about respect. It isn’t going to get better unless he sees you as an equal.
Kick his ass to the curb. You deserve better
He sounds like a his conning you.
You in danger, girl. This isn’t okay and is a huge red flag that he’s using you. Cut your losses, do what you have to do to rebuild your savings, and don’t make this mistake again.