I’ve noticed a pattern in my girlfriend where she starts drama whenever I’m very sick. On one hand, she’s great and so supportive when I’m not well. She cooks for me, brings me water, and would just lay with me for hours if that’s what I needed.
On the other hand, she tends to start drama when I’m really not well. I’m talking like covid, or 103 temperature chills situations.
I can’t quite put my finger on why, but she’ll get triggered whenever I say something. For example, yesterday I have a very high temp and didn’t want her to come near me so she didn’t get sick. I told her she could if she wanted to risk it, but I didn’t want her to get sick. So she sat next to the bed and pouted. Then every time I said something she would take it the wrong way and get upset and storm out. Many of her arguments don’t make any sense when she gets into these moods. She’s acting purely on irrational emotion. And suddenly everything I say triggers her and leads to fights. Then if I just stop arguing because I’m literally too sick to sit up never mind fight with someone, she’ll want to have a long conversation about “us” and try to fix the tension between us which is the LAST thing I need when I feel like I’m dying. I swear she acts so god damn selfish when I’m super sick!
I get it, sometimes women get emotional and irrational. But when I’m deathly sick from covid or the flu, the LAST thing I need is to be fighting. And she seems addicted to fighting when I’m super sick. It got so bad I had to ask her to leave Saturday and tell her I didn’t want to hang yesterday because I’m done putting up with drama when I’m super sick. Now we’ve barely talked in 2 days.
I do acknowledge her when she’s helping me and thank her a ton. I don’t ask her to wait on me like a maid or treat her poorly when she’s helping me. Even if I tell her no I’ll do it myself, she insists and does it anyways.
Any insight is appreciated.
10 comments
You gotta talk to her about that one, if it’s irritating you that much then you need some communication on the matter, if their is truly no reason for her pour behaviour, ask her when she’s in a good mood, my thought is maybe she doesn’t think your praising her enough or something like that…
Talk to her and tell her you need her to stop
And if she doesn’t change, maybe break up?
It’s a panic response to the possibility of losing you. She’s not aware of it and needs to work on it.
It is possible that you are always managing her emotions for her. But when you are sick you don’t do that, and that’s when things get bad.
If that’s the case, it’s either serious therapy or moving on.
Even the laziest man on Earth DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT. I’m sorry, but you can’t fix this.
I’d throw her out. Imagine when you get married. She’s not gonna change man.
I would never marry somebody like that. Toxic.
Call it out…
It doesn’t matter why she does it. You need to her dump her toxic ass.
Part of the reason women are attracted to men is our ability to protect and provide. When you’re sick, you can no longer do those things. Her lizard brain goes into overdrive with insecurities. Those feelings of fear and uncertainty manifest as emotional outbursts and tests to make sure you are still capable of being that partner who is going to take care of her.
Ever heard of women complaining about “man flu”? That we’re just being babies when we’re sick? Same thing, but on an existential level.
It doesn’t matter if you agree or disagree with her claims, it doesn’t matter how correct you are. The act of treating her concerns seriously enough to respond proves, in her mind, that she was right to feel that way.
The solution is to take her less seriously. Not her as a person and everything she says, but when she’s being ridiculous. How to tell? You already know. You can tell the difference when she’s saying something important and when she’s going off the rails creating drama.
When she uses the word “you”, she’s testing your resolve. When she uses “me” or “I”, she’s looking for comfort. Learn to spot the difference.
“You’re just a baby!” “You’re just want to sit around all day.”
“Do you not want to sit with me cause you think I’m ugly?” “I feel like I have to do everything around here!”
Don’t respond with rational arguments, that won’t get you anywhere with someone being emotional. Instead respond with good-natured humor. Change her feelings, her mood, not her mind. “You’re just being a baby!” “Yeah, can you bring me my diaper and bottle please?” Humor should be joking *with* her, never nasty or at her expense. “I feel like I have to do everything around here!” “Yeah, but you’re so good at it!”
When you need to put your foot down, be fair but firm. Don’t raise your voice. Be a broken record in your decisions. Refuse to engage when she is yelling and fighting. If she’s acting in a way you don’t like, tell her. Set your boundaries of the behavior you accept and hold your ground. Then treat every new day like a reset. Don’t hold a grudge. When she sees that her outbursts have little effect on you, eventually she will come around. She will appreciate your strength. She might even apologize. Continue to be forthcoming with praise when she is helpful and caring.
It follows that women will test you at your most vulnerable. After all, the truest test of character is done during times of hardship, not comfort. Don’t be surprised if she starts fights after you being laid off, a death in your family, money problems, etc. You don’t *have* to accept these things in a partner, but know they aren’t uncommon and you can learn how to deal with them.
Is it fucked up? Yes, but from her perspective her literal life is on the line. Don’t get angry because of the way human beings are.