Should a man ask before he pushes your head down during a blowjob? I don’t mean like shoving your head downwards to ask for a blowjob, but just pushing it deeper during the act itself.
I’ve only gone down on one guy, so I don’t have a ton of experience in that area, and I’m not really sure what’s appropriate and what’s not.
He asked me to go down on him, and I agreed. I tried to use my hands and mouth to start, but he just took my hands off and pushed my head deeper. He just kinda kept moving my head up and down until he came (in my mouth) and he didn’t really give a warning for that either.
I probably would have agreed to those things if he’d asked, but I do feel a little weird that he didn’t, since I know some girls don’t like going that deep or swallowing cum or being choked (which he did earlier). Should guys ask before doing those kinds of things? What’s the standard?
40 comments
YES, this should be discussed first.
As a man, I definitely would. Not doing so and shoving her head down is technically assault. You’re choking somebody here.
Yes, there should be communication more than just asking initially to receive oral sex. Sounds like he assumed everything he did was fine. I wouldn’t make any such assumptions.
Absolutely yes. Either before starting everything or during when he wanted to do one of those things. I absolutely hate swallowing cum it makes me want to vomit and I had one time. Not asking if I was ok for him to cum in my mouth would have caused a very unpleasant situation. Bodily fluids is not everyone’s ideal thing.
Either he is a jerk or not thinks only of himself. Find a new partner or rebuff at least
Lmao yes. Otherwise he will find out how it feel to choke on my forearm.
Yes of course!
You are ALWAYS allowed to shut things down in the moment, say hold up bro, do not do x,y, or z.
So much seams like common sense, but i guarantee you will have partners that do things that you don’t want them to do without asking first. Never assume anyone, man or woman, has the same values as you.
Yes.
YES! He definitely should ask first. I bet he wouldn’t like it if you randomly crammed your fingers down his throat and made it so he couldn’t breathe and started gagging….
I would. Being respectful, I would ask if she likes/wants that first before doing it.
Yes
pushing your head down before or during a blow job without explicit consent is absolutely not okay
every man who does this or wants to do this should have it done to them by someone else so that they know how it feels
Honestly, a person should ask if they can even touch the givers head at all when you are giving a BJ. Not doing so is a great way to piss off the giver. .. who has teeth around said dick.
Should they ask. Yes. Will most No.
If you don’t like it just stop look up and say I know what I’m doing thank you that isn’t necessary. I’ve never had a man continue pushing my head. 😊
Yes, he should. The guy has watched too much porn. This is by no means a “normal” or acceptable way to treat a partner, unless you both specifically agree beforehand about it.
Even then, that would be something you would allow someone to do, only if it is something that pleases you, and only after you begin to learn what you like and don’t like. What he is doing is more BDSM, without the consent.
Even when not discussed prior, my most recent partner gently placed his hands on my head, not pushing at all. The next time, some push, but very, very gentle, and immediately backing off any time my head didn’t move or it moved the opposite direction. At no point was he actually in control, and he respected my limits, with no words spoken.
If someone isn’t going to have a conversation about it, this is the minimum expectation imo. They shouldn’t be forcing it and should be respecting your movements at the very least.
Yes! No one should ever surprise anyone with some forceful physical action during sex unless it was discussed prior, and even then a general principle of caution and care is important
If anyone ever tries anything like this again, stop it. Stop it right there and then. No more BJ’s if he can’t respect you enough to actually receive one instead of fucking your face.
He’ll yes we need warning lol
Tell him you were not confortable with that and he should have ask first. Don’t let him get used that way.
Yes, every act should be consensual
Yes and no, nothing wrong with a gentle nudge, but to a person’s head down is just being an ass.
Yes, if he wants to facefuck you, fine, but that’s something he has to agree on with you beforehand. The default assumption is that you’ll control your own face during the blowjob.
Choked you, forced your head down, came in your throat without warning or asking. Definitely not cool without discussing it beforehand.
There is no standard but “your” standard. You need to set the boundaries and expectations.
Yeah might not be a bad idea. One time when I pushed my wife’s head down, she gagged and almost threw up. She was like, don’t do that again (and I don’t want to throw up all over you)! I did it because I was just loving it so much..and definitely didn’t want her to slow down! But I’m on notice now, LOL!
Yea, he should ask!! Also, porn is fucking ruining sex. I was having sex and he went to grab my throat and I said NO. I’m not into that and also that’s absolutely 1000% something you should ask before doing. Same with the blow job thing. AND FUCKING ASK IF YOU CAM COME IN THEIR MOUTH!! Geez where has all the common courtesy and manners gone???!!!
Yes.
My boyfriend never pushed my head down or touched my head until one day I was giving him head & stopped & told him he can do so because I was into it. I guess I never really appreciated that until now because getting your head pushed down can be uncomfortable and guys should ask beforehand.
Yes bc the last time that happened I puked…. (Yes on his thing if u were wondering) 😬
Yes!!
yes absolutely
As a guy, this is a conversation that should be had in advance because the risks aren’t remotely worth it to me. Teeth scraping, biting, vomiting, etc. No thanks. Set boundaries/expectations and hold your partner to them. That way everyone has an enjoyable time and no one gets hurt.
EDIT: rereading this, I realized that I only listed risks from my side. Concern for my partner goes hand-in-hand with all of this. Sorry.
100% that is so fucking disrespectful. I can’t imagine doing that to my partner without prior consent. What an ass.
100% yes unless you guys talked abt it before and u like it but yes of course
Always
YES! He obviously watches too much porn & he’s only thinking about himself and not you! You deserve better!
http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
I’m sorry but choking, pushing your head down and forcing to come in your mouth is NOT the standard and not normal. Those are fetish things only some people like and if any guy is doing that to you without your enthusiastic consent and talking about it before he has no respect for you and is using you for his own pleasure. That is not sexy at all to force your will on someone without boundaries and is degrading not giving you a choice at all to breath or what goes in your mouth!
Yes, they should ask. The standard here is “consideration for others.” Pretty low bar, that.
Yes. If it feels like you need communication in the moment then you need that open communication. It wasn’t until I started sleeping with my current fwb that I realized just how much I’d put up with over the years. He asked before doing things. Once I said yes to a similar thing, almost on automatic assuming because guys had done that in the past I should put my own comfort aside. Quickly into it he stops and asked if I was truly comfortable and insisted I be honest. Another time I froze up in a position and he immediately got off of me. Your partner being able to read nonverbal cues and body language is important. And if that’s difficult communicating boundaries is a must.