Recently, I [33M] am getting back into the dating scene. People around my age range are still handful, but many have kids. There are some people I find interesting and attractive, but I can’t quite get over my head about raising someone else’s children.
There are a lot of younger single moms (in mid/late 20s), and I wonder if they may have “had some fun times around”, got a kid, the guy didn’t want to be responsible, and the mom finally decided to settle down and find someone to raise the kid.
Any suggestions/thoughts/opinions?
25 comments
I personally don’t date or entertain single parents so
If you don’t want someone with kids, don’t date someone with kids.
DO NOT!! date single mothers. You will regret it!! I repeat, DO NOT!! date single mothers
Why are you going for people your own age? Got for women 26/27+.
>but I can’t quite get over my head about raising someone else’s children.
You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m in my early 30’s and I don’t want anything to do with someone else’s child since I want my own family one day.
>Any suggestions/thoughts/opinions?
Do you want to date a woman with a child? If you do then great and if you don’t then don’t. I personally am around your age and don’t but I know some people around my age who don’t take an exception to it. It’s all about your personal preference what do you want? There is no wrong answer.
Stay away from single moms as much as possible if you don’t want to play stepdad/financial supporter. It just doesn’t make sense for a single, childless man to take on the responsibility of another man’s child. That child will most like never respect you either, and the mother is most likely never going to value you the way she would without that kid.
I would say don’t do it. There are women out there without children, I’m 32 with none. People with kids will never put you before the kids and if they do, how good of a person are they that they don’t care about their kids. I just got out of a relationship and one of his reasons for breaking up with me was he was losing time with his kids (didn’t make sense to me since I wasn’t demanding any of his time from his kids but that’s a different story) I would say just wait for someone you can start your own family with, I’m now doing that.
Children are dealbreakers: wanting/not wanting, bio kids, step kids, etc. Figure out what you want and stick to that.
I am a childfree woman who does not date men with children of any age for fwb or LTR. My reasons are valid to me and I’ve been able to find people who fit my lifestyle.
If you don’t want to be a step parent, do NOT date a parent. You will always come second. Some people are okay with that. No matter how much you like/love them, it won’t change the dynamic of being apart of a child’s well-being.
Wouldn’t even consider it, I’ve walked out of first dates before after finding out (I make it explicit from the onset but some lie)
I am 26f and I have two kids. Both with the same man I was with for over 8 years. I didn’t just “have fun times” and get pregnant only to have someone else raise the kid. There are people like that, but you just have to be picky about who you date. I know a lot of women who find men to just provide for them/their kids, but I also know women who don’t expect/want that at all.
Don’t date someone who has kids if you don’t want to raise someone else’s kids though. No matter what you would be involved in that kids life and it wouldn’t be a good situation if you can’t get over it.
Dating is hard, dating someone with kids is even harder.
Even though I have my own kids I won’t date someone else with kids. I get it.
I’m a dude the same age as you and have full custody of my kid. I’ll offer this:
While single mothers are not necessarily looking for someone to raise their kid or become a step parent, the kid’s father is likely in the picture to some extent. If the breakup/divorce is recent, you’ll absolutely be subject to the undulations which come in the aftermath of it.
If you aren’t willing to deal with the emotional drama that comes with co-parenting, especially while each party is trying to figure shit out, you aren’t going to be happy dating a single parent. As with any other relationship, their problems will become your problems at some point.
I wouldn’t have a problem dating a single parent, but that’s because – as one myself – I know how to sniff out red flags and when to call it quits.
If you think it *might* be a dealbreaker, chances are that it is. And that’s ok.
You’ll have to come to the realization that at your age 80%-90% of the of women you date in your range will have children. I’m only basing this on the fact I’m with you (38M). I never had kids, nor do I want any of my own. I date girls as young as mid 20’s and that’s where I’m getting my percentages. I honestly love kids, though. So, it’s not too big of a deal if I do have a date and we end up making it a kiddo fun day. We definitely do have our alone dates, but they’ve all made it clear that their #1 priority is their kiddos. That’s when I find that mid to upper 30’s girl that doesn’t have kids and live a similar lifestyle to myself…Unicorn.
I would never date some one with kids, more power to single moms I was raised by one.
Don’t do something you’re uncomfortable with. If you don’t want to raise someone else’s kids or have kids in general then stick by that. I’m 31F with no kids, low desire to have kids and medically may not be able to. I’m not interested in dating someone with kids and cautious about even approaching someone who wants kids if I may be unable to. Figure out what you want/don’t want and stick to it. Don’t compromise and later regret it.
From this sub Reddit – sounds like there are plenty of FWB options among single moms. Most women will post if they are looking for a husband.
Being a single parent at 33 is a lot different than being a single parent at 23. Most single parents over 30 are divorced, share custody, and don’t want someone to raise their kids. You have to ask yourself if you can deal with being secondary to the kid(s). If kids are a dealbreaker, I would focus on finding someone without kids.
I just got out of a relationship that in retrospect was worse than I realized.
A big part of the misery was that my now former girlfriend’s daughter (15 when we started, 22 yrs old currently) haunted that house like a dark spirit. She seemed OK with me (but just barely OK) at first, and then she just started emanating this sort of seething hostility.
Co-parenting was never even up for discussion.
Right now I’m soured on dating anyone with a kid that lives at home. I want no part of it.
I’m 33f no kids, dating 36m with 3kids from previous marriage. Dating is hard but harder with kids and ex partners involved. We have had no drama to be fair but I would like my own kids one day and not sure if this will be possible in my current situation.
But when dating there are not many our age that don’t already have children etc.
Hope you find what your after
The Juice isn’t worth the squeeze dating a chick with kids. Single parents should stick to dating other single parents.
Just based on my experience, I’d suggest avoiding it. Most single parents are great people and they deserve love and companionship but being their partner is often hard work.
You’re low in the pecking order – even their ex is often more important due to shared parenting. That gets old fast.
Not wanting to be a stepdad is a legitimate reason not to date single parents. I wouldn’t worry about her having “had some fun times around” though. Everyone has a past, and it only takes one to get pregnant.
At 33 your going to have a struggle, Goodluck in finding single understanding woman.
Who was waiting for you to understand her.
Dont
If you cant deal with it then you shouldnt date them
Simple as that
As a mom who just recently got into a new relationship, dating was always hard because a lot of guys assume the child is always around, or I’m looking for someone to help me. I have a good coparenting relationship and wouldn’t even bring my child around someone until we were actually dating and both were ready for that step. Everyone’s different though. You just have to decide if someone having kids is a hard deal breaker or not.