Last night a part of me kind of died. I am big, not chubby or thick, just fat. I’ve been in a relationship for five years and we didn’t have sex for three years.
I am very horny very often but he never wants to have sex with me. Last night he started to be all seductive and sweet and I was happy about it but since we never have sex we didn’t have any condoms. He suggested to have sex with my rolls, yes. And I said yes for whatever reason, I don’t even know why. After he finished I felt so unbelievably gross and I still do. My entire confidence is gone, I feel like an object, I hate my body and myself more than I ever did before. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.
34 comments
If you are not on birth control go get the plan B pill. ( like now).
If it bothers you that much, go talk to a therapist about your bf issues, there seems to be a lot there
Good luck
Well, you could talk to a licensed professional over this and then maybe a personal trainer as well..Perhaps a couples counselor, as not having sex with your partner for 3 years isn’t exactly healthy.
Why should you like your body, rolls and all, less than he does?
You should tell your partner how it made you feel (if you’re comfortable with doing so) and explain that it won’t happen again as it has made you uncomfortable and feel negatively about yourself. I would also express why this was a big deal to you as it seems like this has impacted you a lot. I would also suggest couples or individual counseling to help you work through the feelings you’ve been experiencing due to this event.
You two haven’t had sex in 3 years. If you’re horny often then you two don’t match. Move on.
That being said, he did ask (though it’s a stupid thing to ask) and kinks are things couples should be open to ask about. You said yes. You need to learn how to say no.
If you want to change your body then do it for you. If you don’t then fine. Nothing wrong with you. We all do unhealthy things. I drink sodas and eat junk food. We all do something that’s unhealthy. Your worth is not tied to the health status of your body.
If you want to change, then do it for the right reasons. Things you want for you. Not him.
Do things to raise your self confidence so you can tell him no in the future – or just leave him. He doesn’t want to fuck you, others will.
Your body is currently below your own standard, but you’re not doing anything about it. Why is that?
…….
Our relationships reflect the standards to which we hold ourselves. You settle for less from yourself, and you settle for less from your relationships. I’d bet your partner does the same.
It’s time to decide what you want and commit to working towards it.
Start by losing weight. Or even better, simply start exercising and never worry about weight.
Thank you for your responses. I will try to talk to him.
He sounds really awful. Obviously, rubbing himself against a roll (which I believe is what you’re implying here?) until he finishes is going to give you no pleasure whatsoever and may even hurt you with the friction.
Sex after three years should have been really special, powerful and intimate between you both. There are many other options than penetration that give you both pleasure that he chose to ignore.
Ask him why he thought this was appropriate after three years. Does your pleasure/comfort not matter?
Who do you talk to? Not reddit cause people are just gonna tell you to eat less instead of trying to help you in the way that you want. Go talk to your boyfriend. Ask the women in your life, especially if you know other big girls.
You need to take control of your life.
You are unhappy and you know why.
You are uncomfortable in your body and relationship.
You need to confront this.
Go see your GP, start being more active, make a diet plan.
Get your thoughts together and sit down with your bf and start talking.
Additionally, you need a therapist.
You are not alone.
You can find help around you.
Have you considered professional help for loosing weight? Both with meal plans and mental support? You can do it. Believe me… If you set your heart to it, with the right help loosing weight isnt that difficult. If I can do it, you can too. Really. If you really want to change, and give yourself a far better life you really can.
Im not shaming you. You are just fine and being obese is nothing to be ashamed off. Only the thing is… You dont live your best life now. When you loose weight, everything in your life will be lighter. The pains you feel and try to ignore will go away. You will be a lot more mobile. you will be a lot more independent and you will be super proud of what you did.
Remember this… You are worth that life. You really are. You are a great person. You dont have to live like this.
Now… When you do decide to go that road… You bf problem will solve itself. When you see what you can do you will realize you are worth a lot more than a guy that doesnt want sex and uses your rolls to cum. You deserve someone that wants to pleasure you. Because you are worth it.
Good luck to you wether you decide you will make a change or not. Either way… Dont beat yourself up for being fat. Everybody has problems. The only difference is people can see your problems on the outside. But other people are not better than you.
Lots of advice talking about you being fat. It’s not about that here (losing weight would help your self-esteem and is ofc good for you), he has made you feel awful.
Tell him how you feel, but from an outsider perspective you sound incompatible anyway as you clearly have a higher libido. He sounds pretty horrid imo
No one deserves to feel this way. Hope you’re ok x
You can start losing weight by dropping the BF! Your weight journey is what it is, and he knew that when he met you. It’s so gross and weird to use your partner like that, especially when you know that they’re already having struggles with themselves. You deserve better
You deserve financial compensation… for the therapy. As a fellow fat person, just get out of there, he doesn’t respect you.
That was shitty of him
WTF
It’s honestly a shitty thing but funny because it reminds of a family guy episode that makes fun of a situation like this. Dude did ask and you consented, I personally think that’s weird but kinks are kinks for a reason, they aren’t for all.
Issue here is you say your body image is destroyed and you recognize that you are fat and don’t like how you currently are so what’s your excuse for staying as you are? Your body image is your body image, other people can say whatever they want but if you truly love yourself and have the self esteem, it would mean nothing to you because you are secure and happy in your body which is clearly not the case here. You need to talk to you bf and figure out wtf is wrong with yells situation cause no sex in 3 years is wild but more importantly you need to focus on yourself and get to a standard that you are happy with within yourself. I promise you you will feel better and your situation will change whether with him or dumping him in pursuit of something better
I think you should reframe it to read that he finds your body, fat and all very sexy. Isn’t that what you want? Just make sure you get pleasure too. I don’t really see anything wrong with it. Now certainty if you don’t like it don’t do it, but think about it a little, and ask why you don’t like it. Maybe it was just a bit of a shock and a little weird at first.
Too many people focusing on your weight instead of the real issue, which is communication. Your boyfriend did a sex act that you consented to but which made you feel awful. If you want to continue your relationship, you’re gonna have to have the uncomfortable conversation about it. Tell him it made you feel used and disgusting and that it’s never happening again. Then the two of you need to talk about the state of your sex life, because it’s Not Good.
This can’t….cant be…no, it can’t be real. Please, no. First a guy that doesn’t wipe his ass and now a guy who, after avoiding traditional sex with his husky girlfriend for 2 years, decides, wtf, why not fuck her fat rolls instead of the area I’ve neglected for the last 24 months. I hope this is someone’s creative writing assignment versus their life….
I’m really sorry this has turned into commentary on weight. It shouldn’t have and it’s not okay. You have worth no matter what your body looks like. You have value. You feel objectified because you were. It’s okay to have big feelings. And it sounds like you froze up when he asked.
I might suggest you write down what you want to say to him. Set some boundaries. Look up DEAR MAN DBT letter and see if it helps you structure your thoughts a bit. Tell him what that was like for you and why. Check in about the length of time it’s been. Be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. Not because it’s a you problem but because we’re not always the person we thought we were or wanted to be. There are people who leave because their partner lost body parts to cancer and there are people who leave because someone’s body changed. People are not perfect. But who you are is not about how you look. You deserve to be loved for who you are, as you are. If your partner isn’t being kind, that’s on them.
yeah , so work out and diet , im sure plenty of men will want you after that. heck even right now why am i lying…
What makes it really sad is that your partner didn’t think about your dignity or even pleasuring you..I’m sorry you went through that. Maybe your partner felt like because you don’t love your body that it was ok to do that..doesn’t mean it’s ok! Definitely have a conversation about it and try to work towards building up confidence. Loving yourself is so important
The fact you guys don’t match sexually is a big concern. I wouldn’t be in a relationship that long with zero intimacy but that’s me
If we first acknowledge that the amount of people who identify as asexual and do not want a sexual element in their relationship are very much in the minority, and usually notify the other person of that early on, so as not to be accused of leading someone on, and accept that you have needs the same way most people do. I shall also ask you, respectfully, do you feel happy about your body normally, and has your partner been supportive of your perspective on that? If he has been with you for five years, I would have suggested that he was, but the absence of sexual contact makes me doubt that, especially as men generally have a higher sex drive and seek to sate that appetite frequently in relationships.
Honestly, you need to have a meaningful conversation with him over this, and let him know how his suggestion and subsequent actions have damaged your self-confidence, and make sure that you are as honest with him as you need to be with yourself. Should you feel his actions have built upon insecurities you have, then confront the possibility of dealing with them with support. Never forget that any relationship stands on the pillars of love, respect and trust, and should one of those crumble, you do not have a relationship that is either stable or advisable.
Ugh I’m so sorry OP that you feel this way it probably really doesn’t help that he’s neglected you sexually for a long time and then engages in a kink that has not been discussed, probably took you off guard and made you feel objectified the one time things start to get hot and heavy. I mean you gave it a chance, you hated it and that’s okay! I think it’s really important to communicate this feeling with your partner and discuss boundaries in a nonsexual setting. Relationship counselling might not be a bad idea to get your sex life back on track. You deserve to feel wanted OP and if he can’t do that there will be other people who will. I’m sorry so many people are focussing on weight rather than the problem at hand 💕💕💕💕
weight doesn’t define worth but it sure affects sense of worth, if this isn’t a troll post then OP really would benefit from exercising more and should heavily consider it
Look I don’t know if this helps but there’s tooons of people out there that are very into this. There’s a fat admirers sub on Reddit. Tons of bbw stuff. I have seen full fledged convos about how much it turns on a man to have this type of kink with “rolls,” if you will. I don’t want to invalidate your feelings AT ALL. I just want you to know that there is a whole world out there of similar love. As a big woman myself, it really helps me stay sane that even though I’m big, men (specifically for me), can be way into it. Lots of love to you and I really hope you can get through this.
One don’t ever be ashamed of your body and I’m sorry your partner put u through that. If u ever do want to work on your body though to make YOURSELF feel better NOT HIM I would suggest going to the gym taking walks and a nutritionist but only if u think it would help u feel better
Lose some weight. It’s the first step to making yourself better
Reaching out for help is a good sign.
Why would he not want to have sexual intercourse with you?
May I ask why you are with him?
OP…. there is nothing to feel ashamed of. People get horny, we do and agree to weird things. Don’t hate yourself for this, just check it off as “not to try again”… this can just be imagined as giving a boob job, or thigh or calf job(idk if this makes you feel better, I’m just trying to show that its not uncommon to use random body parts)…
Personally I feel every part of my lovers body(not feet, can’t do it) is a sex organ, and it just feels great when we use any part of eachother.
You need to communicate this to your bf how you felt afterward. The main issue I see is your self confidence and self esteem not exactly your weight. Figure out what YOU need, to feel sexy OP. Just FEELING sexy can radiate that to others and could drastically improve your quality of living.
I’m rooting for you OP.
Fuck this guy. So sorry girl you deserve someone who loves and respects you.