In the context of a man feeling this way towards his gf/wife.. I saw this saying a few weeks ago and it’s been playing on my mind

43 comments

  2. You could be in love with the idea of “being in love” but not empathize or understand the other persons feelings or wants

  4. It means your lives are so intertwined and you’ve been through enough that you deeply care for the person but you are not happy being in a relationship with them.

  5. I felt this with my ex, we lived in the same house and then a relationship began, I knew I didn’t want to be with her long term from the start but overtime I just kind of accepted a relationship, she was a great girl, we were together for a few years and I loved her. But I was not in love, I still wanted to be with other people and the idea of marrying her was not appealing at all.

  7. You’ve never known unromantic love?

    clapped them on the back when they graduated college?

    been there for them when no one else was?

    Told them you were proud of them after they graduated from boot camp then taken them to get a decent meal?

    You weren’t invited to a wedding?

    Weren’t introduced to their firstborn?

  9. Weirdly I felt this way about my last girlfriend.

    I felt like I loved her for several months but I never felt jubilantly ‘in love’ with her. Like that kind of giddy happy feeling. I just never had that with her.

    So I was never obsessed or besotted and I could easily cope with long periods of time away from her with no contact. I was constantly keeping myself realistic about her flaws and the things about her that turned me off. I refused to pedestalise her.

    I’d pedestalised several unobtainable women throughout my life before and it always made me miserable and alone.

    So I guess I never had that limerence feeling with my ex. That’s the key difference. I didn’t yearn for them because I didn’t want to go down that road. She just didn’t spark that inside me.

    To some people what will mean I never actually loved them but to that I’d argue – how is an unhealthy fixation meant to be love? I showed her any love through my actions. I demonstrated it to her.

  10. It’s way of saying you don’t really care about someone. You could take them or leave them.

  11. Being in love is for romantic partners.

    Loving someone is much broader – can be for parents, kids, friends etc

  16. My husband isn’t in love with me. He loves me, he cares for me, he’s a great father. But he doesn’t desire me, nor is he attracted to me. He loves me, but he’s not in love with me.

  17. Lived this for 15 years. We grew together, went through the typical motions of building a life together, bought a house had a kid.

    I loved the idea of being together, but never really loved her.

  19. IMO: Loving someone(to have love for someone) is not a question of intimacy(sexual energy)it means you care about the persons well-being and you want the best for that person detached from you. You want to see that person flourish and grow and develop and that brings you happiness. You can easily forgo mistakes and mishaps and the bigger and more serious issues you can work over with time.

    To be in love with someone is all of that attached and the doors to privacy, information physical space , sexual catalogue are open and explored and tested and talked about with all the above combined.

    Feel free to add to that description – I’m still learning.

  21. This is adjacent to ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ It’s basically ‘you’re cool and everything, but I wanna bump uglies with somebody else.’

  23. You fall in love with at first, strangers. You love people in your support system like blood relatives or friends or even a SO you no longer find romantically attracted but still would be there for is my interpretation

  24. To me, personally, being in love = adoring.

    Loving someone is just that. It’s the complex of feeling that comes with contentedness and fulfilment. It’s wonderful and doesn’t require that full blown adoration all of the time.

    I don’t really thing one is better than the other, and I don’t think someone stays in love with things or people all of the time. An example: when I bought my first house, I was in love with it. I adored it. As time has passed and I’ve lived under it’s roof, I’ve found myself loving it more and more, but I don’t think about it they way once did. I don’t walk into an empty room and admire the floors and space. Instead, I find comfort and daily life.

    I think the same could people, whether romantic, sexually, platonically ect. I think the last adoration can wane somewhat, and be replaced by that ever present feeling of love. I do think you still want to find the aspects of being “in love” with those closer to you now and again, but it doesn’t have to be all of the time.

    Another example: I got a puppy. I’m in love with this damn puppy. Every time I look at him, I want to do stupid things like smell his feet and nibble on his ears. However, there may be a day where that impulse is lessened, or occurs less frequently. I’ll still be loving him with every fiber in my body. I just, won’t want to like, inhale him, you know? Or I’ll want to inhale him less frequently.

  26. I loved my ex as I’m I liked nurturing her and treating her like she was the only woman in the world, but I definitely did not love her values on life or the things she did to me

  27. To love someone means you enjoy being around them more than most people. To be in love is an addiction to a person (much like drug addiction) which is the most dangerous and unhealthy form of love.

  28. Imagine your best friend you have known for years. Have done everything together. Then they are diagnosed with cancer, suffer thru treatments for years, and eventually, they pass away.

    You cry, you have an emptiness. This is love of someone you are not romantically involved with. Two different levels

  29. It has a name. Platonic. It pretty much exists between all humans who love each other but do not want to pursue a romantic or sexual relationship.

  30. You love the idea of having people to look after and care for and that it is reciprocated, but you’re not willing to make the sacrifices that put them first in every way possible.

  31. Love is a lot of things.

    The greeks seemingly had 7 types: Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia

    At least you’re not the kind of person who can’t tell love and lust apart, though. That tends to end badly

  32. This is one of those situations where the English language is just lacking. You use the same word in English to talk about how much you love your favorite pizza as you do how much you love your spouse, even though they are very different emotions.

    Other languages will have different words for platonic love versus romantic love versus familial love versus sexual love.

    I (platonic) love my best friend.

    I (familial) love my dog and my niblings.

    I (romantic) love my spouse.

    To me, when someone says they are In Love with you, that is romantic love. Whereas someone can love you, but that love might not be romantic or sexual, it could be platonic or familial love.

  33. I see love as love – like a deep caring for somebody. Being in love, I look at as a romantic interest in the person.

  34. You love your car.
    You’re not IN love with your car.

    Being “In love”, implies a romantic, perhaps sexual desire to be around, spend time with, and be intimate with them.

    Having “love”, just implies a deep caring, and concern for them and their well being.

  36. It’s an immature way of saying you don’t know how to develop deeper levels on intimacy. Romantic love ebbs and flows like waves, that’s why it’s important to build other types of intimate connections with your loved ones. Trust, honesty, being able to express yourself without judgment are all ways to express love while the waves of romance come and go.

  38. I care deeply for her success, but after the pain that has been inflicted I do not want to be involved in her life.

  39. It means you can love and care for someonewithout necceserily having them in your life. You can live without them. But you still want the best for them.

  40. “in love” generally means romantic love.

    like you love your sister or your friend but youre not “in love” with them.

  42. Love isn’t something that just is. Love is something you choose every single day. It is one of the hardest and easiest things in the world. You can love someone, a wife, a girlfriend, a friend, etc.

    Being in love with someone is choosing to love them. Through faults, arguments, and everything else. When someone isn’t “in love” anymore, it’s because of choice. At some point, they felt it was easier to just exist together and not work towards a deeper relationship. Whether that is from comfort, from lack or communication, or fear of letting a significant other know you have changed and are scared of the consequences.

    Complacency and miscommunication is probably the biggest culprit of not being “in love” with someone anymore. You just stop working towards making deeper connections. You stop telling your SO your desires and listening to theirs. Slowly over time you start lacking in an area of your relationship. Since your SO isn’t providing this anymore many people start looking elsewhere. Or they realize they are not “in love” with the person anymore and end their relationship.

  43. Broke up with my ex 5 months ago, after a 3 year relationship. I did love her, but always felt like there was something missing from when we first started dating. I also jumped too quickly into a relationship with her, only a few months after another long term relationship ended.

    I felt she was more interested in me, wanted to spend a lot more time together always, but I did love the simple things we did like fire-pits, our long walks and outdoor adventures. Romantically though, something lacked intimately with her. She was more pragmatic, and I was more spontaneous. We had fun sex, but that connection during sex never felt really passionate and romantic. She wanted to move into my house, and I just wasn’t ready for it. Even though I addressed some of my reasons, and dropped hints in conversations, she was in denial to hear it. That is sort of how the relationship started to tumble, and I couldn’t see a future everyday with her. Until one day it did end, and she understood my reasons finally. I been broken up with before, but it’s a lot worse breaking someone’s heart.

    Started moving on a bit, but sadly though, she has been popping up a lot in my mind this week. I have a pretty big house, and I feel the emptiness of a life without her, especially on the weekends when we spent the most time together. I miss seeing her on the couch Sunday afternoons when she stay over, and walking around the lake near my house on a summer evening. All the little things you sort of take for granted, they just decide to rise out of the blue. The social aspect, inviting friends over…all of that is gone. You just don’t lose the person, you lose the routine, family, social aspect, and adventures. But I did love her, and it wasn’t in a romantic kind of way. It was for the person she was, just great character and qualities. I am not even sure what romantic love is anymore anyway. It’s all confusing.

    I’m 40, you start to live long enough, and passion just starts to slowly fade. You start to see the pattern in things. I hope I get that fire inside again, and this time I hope to be ready if the right woman comes along my path in life.

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