So me (M35) and my friend C (M35 also) have been friends for over 20 years and it’s been nearly 3 years since we’ve seen each other in person as our lives have brought us to different parts of the country. We stay in contact regularly but I have always had such strong feelings towards him and I think I always will. I’ve told him this years ago when it was too much for me to keep in but he doesn’t feel the same. Our relationship didn’t really change much after that since we already lived far apart from each other. his disinterest in a romantic relationship led me hoping my feelings would go away. They never have and might be stronger now than ever. I miss him tremendously. Recently i was visiting family near his home and we had plans to meet up, but he had gotten covid so we couldnt see each other. I was very disappointed. This past week we had a nice phone conversation catching up on the last few months of our lives(as we frequently do) and he told me that he was going to be moving abroad next year. Even though i dont see him often this news has hit me very hard. I think (hope)we’ll still call and text regularly but I know that it will be a very long time between visits now. I am hoping that he makes some time to visit this summer before he moves away and i feel like i have to remind him of my feelings. Is that stupid? I know he doesnt love me the same as i love him (He’s in a long term relationship also) but im not sure what else to do with these feelings since they’ve never changed for so long. Part of me thinks the distance will allow me to break contact and “move on” so to speak.
Thanks for listening. Just needed an outlet. I welcome any thoughts or advice. Cheers.
Tl;dr: long time friend with unreciprocsted romantic feelings moving abroad and unsure if I should reiterate my feelings to him.
1 comment
I’d ask yourself the following questions.
* A) Do you think you need to reiterate feelings? Do you believe doing so will change any course of action? (Him moving, his current long-term relationship)
* B) Would the catharsis of reiterating feelings be worth the risk to your current/future relationship?
If the answer to any of those is no, I would **not** reiterate feelings. I think there’s a level of acceptance that comes with changing relationships as we progress. You’ve stated in your post you’ve liked this man from the beginning – there’s the chance that you never had a strong platonic foundation to your friendship, and might have to start building one now. And that’s okay and super normal! I would focus on appreciating the relationship the two of you have now rather than fixating on what you could have if literally everything were different. It seems like you have a future oriented outlook already and have considered the next steps of how you might progress already.
If it’s closure from him you need, take the risk. You’ll get the final answer you seek, but also are risking a scenario where the distance becomes greater than physical. If you think you can find closure within yourself and move on, keep it to yourself. Maybe it’ll be a story you both can smile about in the far future. Good luck!