How do you have a “we vs the problem” type of argument with your SO?

2 comments

1. If you find yourself thinking that your partner IS the problem, either they’re actually treating you badly (in which case you might need to break up with them) or you are incorrectly assuming that they have malicious intent/were trying to hurt you on purpose.

   The latter is rarely true in relationships that are healthy and communicative. So then, to re-frame things, you have to look more deeply and think about: if they *weren’t* doing it to hurt you, why were they doing it? and why did it hurt you?

   (Hint: the answer to that last part is often that you have some kind of baggage/trauma related to whatever you *think* they did, which is causing an outsized reaction.)

2. By choosing a partner who owns their own emotions and motivations.