I (m23)want to start this off my first saying I have been with my (f21)girlfriend for over 3 years now. Ever since I was 13 I’ve always wanted to be a father, from having a baby and waking up in the middle of the night to care for them, to helping them in their toddler years, to teenage angst. I have wanted to be there for all of it. Recently however, my girlfriend has informed me that she does not want kids. So respecting her I asked if we could at least talk about it, and we did. In the end I’ve decided that my dream of being a father wouldn’t be shared by her, and I could always find and make another dream. But I won’t find another her. However in the last few days since having this conversation with my girlfriend, I felt empty inside. To show her that I was serious about wanting to be with her by changing my stance on having children, I burned the 4 pages of my journal that I have kept since I was 13, the pages contained the names I had thought of. I don’t know what to do, I feel empty inside but at the same time I promised her but any problem we faced we would always talk out and compromise on. But for some reason I always feel as if the compromise is just me giving up or going to her side every single time.
5 comments
Don’t do that. Listen, OP, you are young. You will find another partner you will be more compatible with and if you stay with your gf, you will end up resenting her, or, if she caves and have a child because it is your dream, she will resent you. Either way, this relationship is over. Neither one of you is wrong, you just have different life goals & wishes. I say this as a child free person.
That’s a basic incompatibility and you can’t work your way past it. You need to end the relationship and find one that works for you. It seems harsh but eventually that incompatibility will end your relationship one way or another and it’s better to end it positively and lovingly instead of waiting for it to become toxic.
There is no way to compromise on kids vs no kids.
Either you agree not to have kids and spend the rest of your life resenting her or she breaks and has kids and spends the rest of her life resenting you.
>In the end I’ve decided that my dream of being a father wouldn’t be shared by her, and I could always find and make another dream. But I won’t find another her.
Oh god this is so bad. You have so much growing up to do.
You’re going to resent her if you stay with her. End things and find someone you’re compatible with.