Hi all. This happened last week, my girlfriend’s friend was visiting, who lives in another part of the country from us. I’ve never been super fond of her, she’s very materialistic and a borderline narcissist. I premise this because I don’t quite know if I’m being biased.
We were all sitting together on my GF’s bed, and her friend slipped her foot under my leg and started subtly feeling me up, out of view of my GF. This was followed by some very intentional and flirtatious eye contact & subtle biting of her lip. I know what some of you might say about that, but it’s not the first time it’s happened. My GF doesn’t have a whole lot of girl friends, and always speaks ver highly of this girl. I don’t wanna crush her with it, but I really hate keeping it from her. She deserves to know her best friend is a piece of shit, even if it does hurt her. I know I’d want someone to tell me.
My hesitation is that my GF always describes this girl as her “soul mate.” Is there a way I can tell her without causing so much pain?
I think I know what I have to do, but I would just love some thoughts before I bring it up with her.
10 comments
Yes, you have to tell her. Be gentle about it.
Say this:
“Hey, uhhh… so the other day, your girlfriend, while we were on the bed, slipped her foot under my leg, started to feel me up, and then looked at me and bit her lip. I know you’re good friends, and I don’t want to ruin your relationship with her, but that made me feel very uncomfortable and I want to stay away from her next time she visits.”
If your girlfriend is anything BUT understanding of your feelings in this case… breakup.
To me there isn’t a “specific way” to tell her without causing pain. It’s going to hurt either way. But as a woman myself, I know for a fact she would want to know if this is happening. And i think you know that too.
If I were you I wouldn’t dance around it either. I would sit her down and just be completely honest and tell her everything her best friend did. Be calm about it. And you’re exactly right when you said she deserves to know. I tell everyone my best friend is my “soul mate” too, and i would be hurt if my partner came to me with this same information. Nonetheless, i would be grateful he told me. It would hurt her significantly more if you never told her and she somehow found out later.
(also, im sorry you’re in this position in the first place. that’s a shitty ass friend and your girlfriend doesn’t deserve to be betrayed by a friend like that.)
It’s a tough spot. If you say something, it may lead to a confrontation, and who knows what lies will be told then? If you say nothing, you may be blamed for your silence if this woman claims to have been testing you in response to some imagined flirtation. This ‘friend’ is dangerous: it may amuse her to mess with other people’s relationships in this way.
The best of a bad set of options is to tell your girlfriend, and hope she believes you.
Yes.
that could have been a honey pot trap by her friend to test your loyalty. tell her flat out.
YES.
“Hey was Jabecky drunk or something when we were all laying in bed? I felt someone’s foot rubbing on my leg and first thought it was you. I meant to bring this up earlier, but it seems like a weird situation.”
Pitch it as something to laugh off, but give your girlfriend the hint that this happened. Your girlfriend can decide if it is something to worry about.
And be careful whenever she is around. No closed doors, no time with just her while your GF is out or busy.
>My hesitation is that my GF always describes this girl as her “soul mate.” Is there a way I can tell her without causing so much pain?
There isn’t. Trying to spare someone’s feelings usually backfires. You should have told her right after this happened last week.
Why haven’t you told her already? 🤦♀️