I (30sM) have been dating an amazing girl (30sF) for almost a year now.. We had the best time together and we expressed our deep love to each other early in the relationship.. Recently, she started to be less engaged and attracted to me.. We talked a lot and she finally said she wants to end the romance and be just friends.. My response was negative. I’m still deeply in love with her and can’t handle being just friends, I would rather end the relationship and stop all contact.. So we agreed to that..
Since then, she keeps calling me crying and begging to be friends.. I told her I love you so much and would love to pick up our relationship again whenever you’re ready.. But she keeps insisting on a plotanic friendship and she’s getting devastated over the fact that we’re not talking anymore..
I’m really confused by this situation.. Why is she that desperate for my friendship? She’s really heartbroken and I’m worried for her but I’m also heartbroken and I can’t heal with her hanging around me as if we never had a thing!
I want to understand where she’s coming from and get your advice and what I should do.
Thank you
42 comments
It could be any number of things. It might make her feel less guilty about ending things (how upset can you be if you’re still friends?). She might really value you in her life and can’t imagine you outside of it even if she doesn’t want to be with you romantically. She might have someone else in mind and wants to keep you “warm” in case they don’t work out.
You should tell her that you can’t be friends while you still have feelings for her, and then you should stop answering her calls and texts.
She’s just being selfish and not understanding how much she hurt you.
You’re better off sending her a goodbye message and telling her you need to block her.
Don’t waste your time. She wants you to be her back up plan. Tell her you’re done and go NC. She’ll either realize that she’s about to lose a good thing and come to her senses. Or she won’t and you’ll be able to heal.
You are her emotional safety net. When she finds someone else you will be placed aside.
<hug>
I think you did the right thing. It hurts but to be strung along would hurt even more.
I know it is difficult, but you need to block her.
Youre doing the right thing. She broke up with you.. so block her so you can move on with your life.
In my experience you can be good friends with an ex, but you do need, and I mean need, a gap, a separation, first. You need to separate romantically before you can be friends.
That said, if you don’t want that? That’s fine. But perhaps explain what I said (without commuting to anything). That way at least she’ll back off for now. Then you can formulate a better response later when you find yourself still wanting to be separate but are in a better place.
Stand your ground it sounds like a she problem to me.
Stop talking to her. How she feels isn’t your problem.
Shes going to use you as her emotional support and then when she meets another dude she will ignore you.
You need tell her clearly that you cant be friends with her because you still love her. You need time away from her with no contact. There is no garuntee you will ever be able to be her friend either. If she refuses to accept this cut her off. Its hard, I know because you still love her but in the long run its better for you.
You guys broke up. Simple as that. You are not required to be friends afterwards. You have your own emotional needs to think of.
She has every right to end the relationship and you have to respect that decision.
You have every right to end the friendship and she has to respect that decision.
Profoundly selfish move on her part. You want space but she won’t give it.
Hold your boundary.
She wants her cake and to eat it too bud, moving on time.
Stop talking to her. You can’t move on when she keeps coming back to you.
She wants you for emotional support for herself.
She broke your heart and keeps harassing you. Very selfish. She should let you mourn in peace.
This is called wanting to have your cake and eat it too. She is being selfish and controlling IMO. You are right to not want to maintain friendship.
probably wants to keep you around incase the new relationship she wants to start doesnt work out
this is how you get used. she’s crying because there was probably a certain security or company that she no longer has, but still wants as she looks for other people to date.
don’t let her use you.
As soon as she finds someone else, expect less and less contact until she fizzles you out.
That is what will happen, should you continue this “friendship”
If you can’t be friends then don’t try to. She wants to be “friends” because it makes her feel better, she doesn’t reflect about how you might feel.
First of all, sorry to hear- these things are really rough and it’s never pleasant.
I’d suggest, and feel free to explain this to her, that you take a 60 day period of no contact with each other. Use that time to grieve the relationship, give yourself the distance that you need, then you can come together and reassess without the influence of heavy emotions. If you still feel the same way, or you have changed your mind, you can rest easy knowing you made a dispassionate decision, removed from the impulse and the raw feelings.
Wishing you all the best in navigating matters of the heart
My ex husband and I are best friends. BUT…this took years of no contact and dating other people. When the wounds finally healed, we came back together as friends. The initial no contact was excruciating. We were best friends before we entered into a romantic relationship. I grieved our friendship for a very long time after we split. But…as everyone else is saying…it’s either all in (relationship) or nothing (no contact.) Can’t do the in between when feelings are fresh. Take the time to heal, and if you want to be friends down the road then go for it. But for now…no contact is the only option if a relationship is out of the question.
There’s another guy she’s trying to date. Continue no contact.
She’s only trying to keep you on the back burner. The other guy might not work out.
She dumped you. At some point she’ll get a new boyfriend. Do you want to be around for that?
Once it’s over, it’s over. Don’t be someone’s back up plan. No “let’s just be friends” or “let’s stay in touch”. I don’t want to hear about your new boyfriend or see your photos on Facebook. I don’t want random calls or texts when you’re bored/lonely/got dumped. Delete and block her number, her social media, everything.
Some girls have done this to me before, it’s very confusing. The minute I call it off they get all hot and want to talk to me.
Supply is low, demand is high. I don’t know, I guess it might be hard for her to adjust? It’s better if you cut her off, if you appease her by texting/staying in contact randomly, it will only hurt both of you.
Hope you both find peace!
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She doesn’t get to just downgrade your relationship to friends and then have a sook when you’re not willing to unilaterally fulfill her emotional needs.
I don’t talk to any ex’s. Ex friends or girlfriends. Some people may call me immature, but I’m way happier and that’s what matters most in the end.
If she wont stop contacting you in her attempts at platonic friendship, explain to her that its too painful to communicate on that basis and that if she persists, you’ll have no choice but to block her. Tell her that if she truly cares about you, she will respect your bounderies. Tell her that if your feelings change you’ll let her know.
Good luck.
Listen man.. hear it from me. If you have feelings for her, don’t keep her as a friend. It will only hurt you more and more the more you stay and try to act normal while she explores other options.
As of what she’s doing there could be many reasons and non of them are good for you.
1- she wants to soften the blow of the break up by keeping you as a friend.
2- she wants to keep you orbiting her while she tests the waters with other potential dates and come back to you if they fail.
3- she just wants to feel good about herself by getting your free attention.
The only way for you to be her friend is to walk away now and come back when you are COMPLETELY over her and you don’t see her in that relationship light anymore. Only then can you both become friends.
If she’s insisting on a platonic relationship with you, you can bet there’s a non-platonic other guy for her.
You are not required to put yourself into constant close proximity to the person who is ripping your heart out. A true friend wouldn’t ask that of you. She is not your friend.
Block her and move on.
This is exceedingly unfair of her! Please don’t let her keep doing this to you. It’s just wrong.
She’s not your GF anymore, so her emotional issues **aren’t your problem**. Because, obviously, if you haven’t gotten it through your head yet, she doesn’t give a shit about your emotions! She would rather call you up and put you on the hurt rollercoaster, just to get whatever she wants.
It’s time to take care of yourself. Make a clean break. Start a fresh new life.
Even if she might not realize it, it is selfish what she’s doing. She wants you around to still do all the things she “loved” without any of the commitment.
You don’t owe friendship to anybody really. Especially when you know what’s best for your mental health. You got this. You know what you gotta do.
What ever her issues aren’t your concern.
You can’t be friends with right now. She needs to respect that boundary and shove off
Block her
I had this happen. You need to block her. It will only hurt you more and more. Move on.
Just run dawg
Just from the title alone, I can tell you that when this happens, it’s likely she is afraid of the distance. And when people who have been in an otherwise healthy relationship choose to break off the relationship and remain friends, often times that friendship drifts apart. When this happens, you need to go no contact.
It’s a selfish thing to break off a relationship and want to keep the person they love around because it can be tempting. It won’t be healthy for a few reasons. The main one being, if she finds another person to be with and you’re still in her life, it could make you jealous, angry, and resentful against her and vice versa for her if you find someone else.
Maybe take this time away from the relationship to do other things you enjoy doing, hang out with other friends, family, make new friends. It’s a big and small world out there.
You could also tell her that if the time comes and you both are ready to try the relationship again, then you can contact each other and talk about it. But until then, it’s no contact.
Also, ask her WHY she wants you both to remain friends. If she gives you a reason that seems too forced or made up, it’s better to go no contact. If she gives you an answers that seems heartfelt and genuine, it’s your choice whether or not to give the friendship a chance but you have to set boundaries when doing so. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground and tell her what you want whether it’s a relationship or not.
Don’t let her play with your emotions either, she wants to keep you around? For what reason exactly. The only person it benefits is herself.
Just go out and have fun. Do what’s best for you. You’ll thank yourself for avoiding the repetitive heartbreak.
I wish you the best and I hope you find what you’re looking for in life! 🤗
Block & move on. She sounds insecure, immature & pathetic. You can’t break someones heart & then demand to remain friends, geez… She needs counselling if she can’t see how self centred her actions are.
Safety net. She wants to have you close enough while she goes and dates other men. I’m sure she also wants to monitor you closely to stop you from dating. I can guarantee the moment you mention another woman to her she will cling on to you and try to rope you back in.
She doesn’t want you as a romantic partner, but wants to continue to reap all the other benefits you provide her and keep you within her reach in case that changes. (Aka- being her emotional tampon).
If it’s easier for you to move on by blocking her, then go ahead and do so.
She’s 30 years old and still playing these games? My lord.
Block her out your life my guy
Some people can’t take not being loved by everyone. Sure she doesn’t want a romantic relationship, but still wants to use you as a friend. Block her, ghost her, whatever. Just separate yourself and give yourself a time to heal and move on.