TLDR; growing resentment towards mom/sister, imposter syndrome, emotional turbulence, possible narc parent abuse
Long time lurker, first time poster so bear with me.
I’ve had a decent relationship with my mom (59) and sister (38) over the years despite a lot of shared tumults.
That all changed when we lost a child in our family (13M) to a self-inflicted gunshot wound due to bullying earlier this year. I can say with absolution that this was the saddest thing I’d ever bore witness to in my 30 years. Truly. I can still hear the crying from the women in my family during the service in my ears and the smell of the barn his service was held in in my nose. Time wise, it’s been since February but for me, it’s felt like it was just a month ago.
The most haunting part of all of this for me was that that could’ve been me many years prior. My mom was also the survivor of an attempt before I was born (we’re all in the know of). So looking out at all of this, and then looking at them knowing what we know, just kills me. I can’t blame anyone for their suffering, however I’ve had quite enough of mine. And I can’t move on from mine while still being connected to everyone else’s. I plan on leaving my home state and starting life over and beginning anew hoping to keep pressing ever forwards.
Since then, I’ve been extremely distant with them. I’ve struggled a lot with how I’ve felt in general but I began to question again my loyalties towards them in general.
Some of my reasons:
My sister has had a horrible habit of falling into what seems like every mistake our mother made (all the while we both hold resentment towards Mom for many of those very mistakes)
Both of them fully acknowledge how bad the alcoholism/unacknowledged mental health issue in our family actually is and to what extent it’s unglued our family – yet make no practices of their own to correct that issue
For 7 months now, I’ve been spiraling into a deeper depression than I’ve ever been and they barely even notice – I live alone, single and no kids. I have no one.
As for my mom, it seems like she jumps into crisis mode once things have already hit the fan, but what was she doing to entire time until then?
I’ve lived in my current city for 8 years, and there’s been ZERO interest in what’s going on in my life. I’ve tried to take initiative by creating plans ahead of time but they make every excuse in the book not to participate, so I’m expected to leave my life and be a part of everyone else’s; never the other way around.
The icing on the cake was the proposal picture I got from my sister. I’m so done. NOW I have a wedding I’m supposed to act like a give a shit about? This is not a family I want to be a part of
There’s definitely more to add and I’ll edit accordingly if I need to but I need help on how to say all this
1 comment
There is a lot that’s missing in this post. It’s very confusing. Who was the child? Who bullied this child into taking their own life? Were you and your sibling physically and emotionally abused by your mother? You’ve mentioned the alcoholism so I get the impression of a chaotic childhood. Why have you not addressed this with your mother as an adult? You need to prioritize yourself. If your mother and sister are not interested in dealing with their problematic decisions, it’s on them. You don’t have to be there and pretend to be a family when they’ve not been a family to you. Prioritize your mental health.