Hi all, this is a throwaway account. I’m selfish and I made a serious mistake, and I cheated on my partner of 9 months. She’s a fantastic person, and doesn’t deserve this, I’m just not a good person and this is completely unforgiveable. I have to break up with her because she deserves better than me. I got a handjob at a massage parlour after a massage, and the fact I was able to let myself do that in a committed relationship is not acceptable, and I’m ultimately accountable.
However, I am currently away in another continent for a holiday, and will be here for another 3-4 weeks. I feel like I owe her the dignity of breaking up with her in person, but I don’t know how I can pretend everything is okay for the next 4 weeks whilst we are on video calls etc. I am not sure what to do.
TL;dr cheated on girlfriend by handjob at massage parlour, currently on holiday in another continent for 4 weeks, not sure if I should break up with her on video call or wait 4 weeks and do in person
12 comments
I think you owe her the dignity of not wasting 3-4 weeks of her life thinking that she’s in a committed relationship. Rip the bandage off, the end result will be the same. Putting it off is just protecting yourself.
Don’t pretend.
Do a video call or phone call and tell her what you did. Respect her time and feelings by telling her immediately. Don’t waste her time by thinking everything is okay.
I think it’s kinder to break up now. She can use that three weeks to start healing and whatnot, plus she won’t spend the next three weeks pining for a future that isn’t there.
You’re just using this dignity line as a way to delay telling her. No one I know would prefer being lied to over being told online. Take responsibility and tell her asap
Hey man, “I’m just not a good person” is a terrible thing to say. Chances are it’s kinda a BS excuse for your shitty actions. Don’t use that on her.
When she finds out that the last 3-4 weeks were built on deceit and all her video calls with you were of you lying to her face – it’s probably going to hurt her even more.
Dawg, you got bad ideas on bad ideas.
I would definitely tell her straight away and rip that bandaid off. That’s my opinion tho.
OP: how is getting a handjob actually cheating if it is part of a legitimate service they provide and you paid for it ?
Mate you’re very young and you made a cock up. How you progress with the girl is one thing but don’t beat yourself too much. To much sanctimonious garbage going on in this thread. Don’t panic, take a deep breath and make sure your making the right decision.
I second the recommendation for therapy. Digging into how you could make a decision like that is important.
You should call her and tell her now.
BUT DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER.
Here’s why: you already took away her agency. Don’t make another decision for her. The decision to break up or not must be hers.
Just in case she offers you reconciliation, read this: https://www.indigoinsight.ca/uploads/3/4/1/5/3415299/helping_your_spouse_heal_from_your_affair.pdf
Remember, do not take away her choices. What happens next is her decision.
You were an a**. You don’t get the excuse of “being bad”. You were just selfish and inconsiderate. Tell her what you did and don’t use excuses. There isn’t one. Do not say you are sorry and it will never happen again. We don’t believe you. You haven’t even said you love her or you are sorry to Reddit, only how you are blah blah blah. SHE is the one harmed, you are just an a**.
Wow. At least you have a conscience! My ex did this routinely – and I don’t think he felt bad for a second about it.
Out of curiosity what country are you in, in some places that’s the last part of the massage and it just gets jumped on you, or did you pay for the handjob, in which case yes, break up with your gf
You don’t need to pretend everything is ok because it’s not, the irony. Because no Happy ending here!
First, don’t tell her what happened. It’s your burden to bear and your penance for your transgression. People tell the story to get closure and forgiveness, you don’t deserve either.
You need to figure out a way to either end it or live with it.
If she was my sister and I found out, you would be moving to a new state!