My girlfriend and I have been dating for several months and I just moved recently to Europe (from the US). We decided to try a long-distance relationship even though we would be living on different continents. At first, it was good, we were communicating a lot and talking just like we used to in person. But, now the conversations on phone seem draining to me and I feel like we are not moving forward in our relationship.
It seems that she is way more committed into this relationship than I am (and I admire that, because one of us needs to be able to take those steps), but I don’t think a relationship will work unless we are in the same city. She and I have discussed plans for her to move to Europe eventually, but that is a long road ahead. I am also concerned that if she moves, she’ll move here without a job in place, and I am not in a financially stable place in life where I can take care of her (even if it was for a 2 week vacation). Her being currently self-employed also concerns me since it makes me feel her own life is a bit unstable at the moment.
The cold truth I want to tell her is that we both need to press pause and wait till our lives are more stable, and if in one year, we both feel like we are ready to pursue this again, we try. But not now. I need to focus on experiencing this new city on my own, and she needs to focus on getting a job that fulfils her goals and needs. She is a wonderful person I can see myself building a future with, but it’s impractical the way it is right now. Unfortunately, I feel like any way I say this, it will hurt and traumatize her, and I am starting to think there is no way to press pause on this relationship without doing so.
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**tl;dr**: Girlfriend and I decided to try long-distance over the ocean. She thinks it’s working, and I don’t. I want to press pause on our relationship for a year and revisit when we are both in stable places in our lives, but I don’t know how to without hurting her feelings.
3 comments
You are absolutely correct there is no way to break up with your girlfriend without hurting her feelings.
You should also prepare for her to be very hurt, to withdraw, reconsider you as a partner, and move on with her own life, I.e. Meeting someone new.
You left the continent and now you’re leaving her. She will see clearly that she is not a priority for you and will find someone who can provide that.
No one is at fault here, it’s just life.
You’re bullshiting yourself…dont bullshit her.
If you saw a future with her you’d make this work so if you want to break make it a clean breakup. Don’t give her hope that in a year she can have a chance with you. Its cruel.
I’d drop the “let’s see where we are in a year” because it sounds like you’ll still be on a different continent and trying to enjoy the new sights and ladies and that’s not the move to give someone hope things will change enough without you two putting in the work to change it.