I don’t feel like I can break up with my toxic girlfriend

6 comments

1. **You absolutely need to break up.**

   Yes it will be very hard. Yes there will be days when you think you’re making a mistake, and later there will be times where you regret it.

   But she’s been making you miserable for months, it has no signs of getting better, it’s fucking your head up, you are incompatible, it’s all just horrible.

   Courage! The first few weeks are the worst. The whole logistical nightmare of separating when you live together often keeps couples together who really ought to split.

   Break up. A year from now you’ll wonder why you stayed so long.

2. Send a text message and block her everywhere. If she stalks you anywhere call the police.

3. It’s very normal to be anxious about breaking up once you’ve made the decision, that’s that feeling of “I can’t.”

   Nobody can do this for you. If you want to break up, you just say “I don’t see the any more future here. I wish you the best, but this is over.” Most likely she will get angry or cry and try to talk you out of it. There’s really no point in a further conversation in that moment, especially if she has been aggressive or manipulative.

4. When I’m really dreading doing something, I have to really remind myself how good I feel after I finally do the thing I’m dreading/procrastinating on. The weight off my shoulders is always such a relief. Part of that is probably because I put it off and put it off and inadvertently stress myself out even more….is it like that for you maybe?

   The best way is a clean break. Tell her in a neutral place that you can leave whenever you want. Like a park perhaps. Keep it simple and to the point and don’t engage if she starts to go off the rails. Say what you need to say and go. Block her number and her socials. And then breathe a sigh of relief.

5. I understand. I was in the same boat and spent years making it work. Now something else has happened that I just can’t take any longer but it’s harder now than if I had run from this the first time I was worried it wouldn’t work.

   My suggestion: if you want the anxiety to leave, make a plan to leave her and do it. You’re only giving yourself future anxiety if you don’t leave. It won’t change and you’ll hurt again and again.

   If I had left 3 years ago, I can’t even imagine how much happier I would be now

6. When I was with someone not very great, a genuinely toxic setup, it was so much harder for some reason to seperate from them. These more dramatic relationships make you feel like you’ve been through so much with someone that the idea of giving up on it would be like losing a major figure in your life, considering the drama constantly keeps you revolving around her. I mean with all the issues you have with her I bet she takes up a lot of your headspace and emotional energy. Like, its stressful but at the same time she maintains a presence in your brain that you’re used to and removing her from your life would be losing something familiar & important (important for all the wrong reasons though). Subconsciously its scarier to lose something that you constantly worry about than to be on your own and suddenly have all that freed up attention you dont know what to do with. You know its ultimately worth it but you just have to convince the rest of you that everything would be better without having her in your life