I’ve been single for about two years now, my last relationship being 8 years and also my first. Since the break up I’ve struggled with being single and alone. I realized recently that it’s the physical touch of another person that I miss the most, and not even the sex. Holding hands, cuddling, hugs. I miss that kind of intimacy with another person.
Because of this craving I think I’ve been trying to rush into new relationships and it’s been causing me to fumble when it comes to dating. So my question is how do I no longer crave being touched by another person? My friend suggested seeking other friends for that touch but I don’t have any close irl friends and I struggle to make new ones. Is this something I can get over? Are there alternatives I can seek? Thanks in advance.
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I remember having this too and I did the exact same thing you did – I rushed into situations.
I would try gathering up some comforting coping mechanisms… nice hot baths can feel physically comforting, chocolate or other occasional treats that give you those feel-good chemicals, maybe a nice big soft body pillow or teddy bear to sleep with… and maybe occasionally hug/touch your friends or family, even just a high five or something. Physical touch with other human beings is important and it can leave us feeling really anxious and lonely when it’s gone š sorry you’re going through this right now
Iāve been STRUGGLING with this so hard this week. I legitimately feel like an addict itās all I think about how much I literally just want touch. I hadnāt cuddled with anyone in months. Iām miserable I donāt have family or close friends I donāt even remember the last time I just had a plain ol hug. I want to shove my face in someoneās chin. skin to skin. I get exactly how you feel. Itās lonelyyyyy.
It sounds like you donāt want to rush into anything, but want that physical touch (e.g., not necessarily sex specifically) – are you comfortable or interested in casual dating with that idea in mind (companionship, some physical touch)?
Not an easy idea – hard not to catch feelings when the nice warm fuzzies of physical touch are wired so closely to the warm fuzzies of sex – but I honestly believe there are loads of people out there with this feeling (was one for a decade before meeting my wife) that just donāt know how to find each other or articulate what they need.
Book a massage?
Would volunteering somewhere with animals help? Like a shelter?
You don’t “get over it”, it’s a physical need of a social creature, getting rid of it would leave you a broken person.
Here are some solutions:
-most comprehensive one with a lot of work is getting a pet to cuddle with, it’s a lot of work and responsibility but it makes a big difference.
-use friends/family, inform the people around you that you miss physical touch/hugs and see who is open to share some. Physical touch is a need for most people.
-get a body pillow or try going for a massage.
-fish with the people you fumbled, if some of them would be willing to stay friends and share some hugs.
-try taking up a contact sport or dance lessons, not quite the same, but it can help too.
Make sure you stay aware of your tendency to rush into relationships and try to pace yourself better. Maybe take a short break from dating while you try to work on one of the other solutions. Good luck.
People need to be touched and itās painful to live without it. After my divorce I went for two or three years of not being touched and then I discovered social dancing. It turned my life around, social dancing groups (honkey tonk, contra, Latin, whatever) are very touchy-feeling and itās very comforting. I ended up making a ton of new friends, got in very good physical shape, had a bunch of dates and eventually met my boyfriend. And believe me I started from zero, couldnāt dance and didnāt know a soul.
9 yr relationship. same boat. i’ve got a “cuddle buddy” but she’s not exclusive to me and she’s 30 (i’m 35m) and holy shit have things changed or something when it comes to the intimate stuff i’m now realizing i’m a prude. how many sets of handcuffs does a girl really need? i’m somewhere between terrified and excited and depressed. how long u been out? i left my toxic relationship 6/9 (no, not on purpose lol). she cut off all my friends and i’ve only got one person who is my friend and she’s a bit much sometimes (hard to always be rock). i’ve never stared at the floor or drank so much in my life.
Do you like animals? I adopted the cuddliest dog on earth and itās amazing!
I don’t think you need to change your behavior. It’s normal to sometimes rush things after a long absence or need, but you are aware of your tendency and can do your best to let the relationships evolve organically moving forward.
If you somehow “got over” wanting physical touch, that may have a more negative long term impact than what you presently have experienced. So, date when you want to date and let things take their natural course.
Iām sure this is gonna get down voted to shit, but Iād suggest hiring a sex worker. Even if thatās not what youāre looking for you can definitely find someone who will cuddle with you and listen to you and treat you nicely for an hour at a time.
Tango classes are always gold. You get to meet new people while satisfying that desire for touch šŗ