I (24F) just joined my job 3 months ago in May. I had just graduated from college with a Masters. My coworkers are all older than me by a few years, but no one is older than 30. I have been invited to go out with them here and there and I always have a good time and they seem to enjoy my company as well. At work, I get along well with all of them. However, I have heard a handful of them discussing a group chat (that I am not a part of), and they plan when they’re going to go out. No one bothers to invite me when they go out most of the time. The only time I’m invited is for Thursday Happy Hour and even then we discuss it on Webex, not on our personal phones. Just as an FYI, most of them have known each other for at least a year or two, although I do know of one guy who was added to the group chat after being at the company for 5 months. I moved to a new town and I want to make new friends. All my coworkers are very tight and have been to eachother’s houses, gone on vacations together, even met eachother’s parents. I know of a few people who still aren’t in the group chat either, but they aren’t because they don’t come out much anyway. I just have FOMO when they all come to lunch and are talking about their night out and I wasn’t even invited. Am I psyching myself out since I haven’t even been at the company for too long?
TLDR: I’ve been at a company for 3 months and I get along with my coworkers but they still don’t include me in their group chat discussing social events, am I overthinking?
4 comments
Are there no other places you can find friends?
Because making work your sole source of friendships can be pretty fraught.
Don’t look for friends at work. It’s nice if it happens but it should be organic not forced. As long as you get on in the office that’s all that matters really. Like you said, they have known each other for years. I would personally be weirded out if I joined a job and everyone was immediately inviting me to their parent’s bbq.
Look to other places for friends. Then work doesn’t define your social life.
There are reasonable concerns about people making in-groups and out-groups at work because it can impact collaboration, trust, productivity at the job.
If what you are supposed to do at work is being impacted by this exclusion— yeah, maybe something to talk about with your manager/supervisor. Keep it about work, not feelings.
If your work is not being impacted and you just feel a little shitty/left out, make some other friends so the exclusion matters less.