What adjustments do you have to make in your life if you lose the ability to fart silently?

9 comments

1. None, I’m already looking around for the all clear before I let it rip.

2. Build a noise cancelling machine that releases the fart sound at the same time cancelling out the noise. Engineering ftw.

3. Rectal harmonica

4. Never fart silent. Let’s look at the logic here. If you need to fart silent, you’re around people. Which means you run the chance of an SBD, or shart, or worst of all not being silent, especially on the pretense of being silent. All of these causing suspicion and paranoia to all those around. Instead why not announce your farts first.

   You’re in your board room talking about the newest flavors of frappacino to be released this coming fall, you feel a burble in your stomach, you raise your hand 🙋‍♂️ “aye everyone, I have a new frappacino idea… lift ass from seat, phwahhhhhhhh” .. Hilarity ensues and we get a better tasting coffee from Starbucks.

   The world would be a better place if we didn’t make lies out of our farts.

5. Install a kazoo up my ass. I figure if it can’t be silent, it’ll at least give people even MORE reason to laugh it off!

6. Fuck that. I’ll rip ass wherever

7. Fire in the Hole!!!

   Fire in the Hole!!

   BraaaaaaaaaaPPPP!!

8. Buy a Cat 🐈💨or a dog 🐕 💨 so you have something to blame.

9. hey will you post this on askwomen and see how everybody responds because I’m fucking curious as hell