so about 2 days ago i was out w some friends and we went to my bestfriend’s house. his parents were out so we all got a little drunk and everyone except my bestfriend decided to jump in the pool fully clothed bc we said fuck it and thought it would be fun. now, in hindsight this was a terrible idea bc i was over an hour away from home and didn’t have a change of clothes. so my bestfriend offered me a towel and a change of his clothes and we went back to his room to get them while everyone stayed in the pool outside. so we’re both in his room and i started to undress and he’s seen me naked before but it was a really long time ago when we were like 10 so i was slightly uncomfortable w him being in the room and i asked him if he could leave for a bit. but instead of leaving the room he turned around bc he wanted to make sure i wasn’t going to pass out bc i had been drinking and apparently i looked “uneasy”. so as i’m naked and drying off, i turn around to make sure he’s not peeking and i see him just staring straight at me so i playfully threw my towel at him and said something like “i never gave you permission to turn around” and then he started apologizing over and over and talking about how he thought i was dressed blah blah and turned back around. then, drunk horny me who was naked and alone in a room w a guy and was acting on impulse said “well, if you really want to look, you can.” next thing i know he was on top of me and we were in his bed and we started making out and he was talking about how long he’s been waiting to do this(thinking back, i’m slightly weirded out by this, i never really got that impression that he was “waiting” to do that and it made me feel like this was his plan all along but it was in the moment and i didn’t care) and long story short after some kissing and teasing we had sex. sooooo yea. the rest of the night we didn’t really talk and stayed away from each other. we haven’t talked in two whole days now which is extremely unusual because him and i haven’t gone a single day without talking in like 3 years so obviously there’s something going on. i just feel so bad because this was a really stupid impulsive decision that could very well be the end of our friendship. i still REALLY value him as a friend and i dont want us making a dumb decision on a whim to ruin it all. is there a way to come back from this? tbh i should’ve never said anything.
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I think the whole issue here is that he obviously has feelings for you but he thinks/knows you don’t and it’ll be hard for him to go back to normal friends. It’s not impossible though. I think communication is very important here
Are you comfortable answering some questions that might help us give you better advice?
1- How do you feel about your friend?
2- Why do you think you didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night? What kinds of thoughts are going through your head now that are preventing you from reaching out to him?
3- How are you feeling about yourself at the moment?
4- Do you have romantic feelings for your friend? What about sexual desire? Are you only interested in remaining platonic friends?
It’s totally OK if you don’t know how to answer any of these questions. Relationships and feelings can be really hard! Especially for someone so young! It is normal for figuring out stuff like this to take time.
What I can tell you for sure right now is that as confused and uncertain as you feel right this moment, it’s almost 100% certain that your friend is feeling similarly. I can’t promise you what will happen going forward, but I can tell you that open, honest communication is the *best possible* way to create and keep meaningful relationships with the people care about in your life.
Even if you don’t end up responding to this, I wish you luck. I genuinely hope everything works out the way you want it to.
Breathe.
A bunch of things happened at once. Your best friend just had sex with a drunk girl he had feelings for. He may be freaking out that he just abused a situation. “next thing I know” doesn’t necessarily indicate that you’re clear on your end, and I think that’s step 1.
You can be okay that something happened but not okay with the consequences of it happening. Those are two different things. You need to get that clear to yourself. And then unfortunately because of your ages you might have to initiate the next part of the conversation, though it would be fair to tell him he’s an idiot for waiting two days to call a girl he had sex with. You could joke about this, “that happened” or be serious.
It sounds like you don’t have feelings for him which you already know is going to make this difficult. You’re going to have to talk to him about that, that this was a one time thing and you’re not going to start dating.
As for what he said… there are two types of Christmas present you gush over: the one you’ve been obsessing for all year, and the one someone got you that you didn’t even know was an option. It’s possible you are right and he has been harboring feelings for you this whole time. That could be a problem. Or rather, is a problem that you are just now learning about. Or it could be a feeling he hasn’t let himself feel before and did for a moment. Either way he caught feelings. Both are a pretty big rush of emotions and it’s likely he is experiencing a bit of a hangover from that.
PS: FWB is always a bad idea if one person catches feelings, and if the feelings are pre-existing, then even suggesting such a relationship is just going to be a form of bargaining. Even if you are having fun, the other person may felt lead on when they finally realize that you are never going to be a real couple. It’s objectively cruel and if they see it as such your relationship really will explode.
Unfortunately as the only person in the room whose brain is not flooded with dopamine, you may have to be the responsible (sober) person and set firm if unpleasant boundaries that keep him from getting hurt more.
Why are you waiting for him to make the call? He’s probably worried that you haven’t and wondering if he ruined it. So be brace and be first. Give him a call and arrange to get together and talk it over and decide what’s next. Even if the decision of what’s next is “nothing”.
Just text him and say hey dick x let’s not make this weird :p wanna hang later?
Then have a good chat with him about how you both are feeling and resolve any unease.
He likes you. He’s afraid he messed up. I hope you two get together.
Communicate. Honestly waiting is making it worse. And know what you want to say. Do u want a relationship? U want things to stay the same. It was special either way cuz it was with him and your glad you trusted him.
Lol this is literally an early plot line of Stranger Things, you okay Nancy?