A year ago we moved to another country and this year has been very difficult. My wife had depression, but in a new place she became aggravated. We live well, but she did not like absolutely everything, nevertheless she quickly found a job and friends. Recently, she became very tired and her depressed state made itself felt more and more. I told her to quit her job, or at least take a vacation, but she didn’t agree.
She wanted to get a dog for a long time, but I refused because it requires a lot of responsibility, time and money, but now I thought that this is a great chance that it can help her to experience joy again.
I went to the shelter website and saw a dog. She immediately liked me, I don’t know, but I felt that this was the right choice.
I sent it to my wife and offered to pick her up. She began to speak in my words, about the fact that we do not have time, funds, but I said that we can handle it. (And we really could make it)
She agreed, but we had to wait for permission from the landlord.
All week she changed her mind, but I did not betray this, she was always indecisive.
And so it happened. We took the dog. She was super calm, she just jumped in the car and drove home. She was well-behaved all the time, except for barking at other dogs on walks.
Every day my wife began to say that we couldn’t cope, that we should return her, although most of the time I took care of the dog.
Two weeks later, she completely refused to walk with her, she began to say that she did not love her and did not feel anything for her.
She was constantly worried about the possible consequences – that she might bite or scratch someone, even though the dog was not aggressive at all.
But then it seemed to me that she began to like it, she began to play with her and take care of her.
But today she saw the scratches on the floor and freaked out. She said that she never wanted a dog, that I convinced her.
She said that she’s leaving and that she could not stay with this dog in the same room anymore.
And she left. Now I’m alone.
But here is the question, I’m not sure I want to return the dog.
I cannot say that I am a complete optimist, and I know who it is to be around a very sad person for a long time, but I don’t seem to have the strength anymore.
I think that – yes, the world is a shitty place, but we can always make it better.
But now I don’t know if I should try to make her believe it or just stay alone.
16 comments
So you got a good dog, and lost a neurotic wife. This is commonly referred to as WINNING.
Hey bro, just read your post and I wanted to say a) I’m sorry you’re going thru that b) the dog could be saving your life. Sounds like you’ve got a fine appraisal of the situation so I won’t offer any internet advice, except keep the dog, you’d resent your wife/yourself even more if she convinces you to get rid of her.
It sounds like she isn’t getting any sort of treatment for her depression, or doing anything you suggest that may (even briefly) help alleviate it. You cannot help someone who will not help theirself. You adopted the dog to try to help her, and it did not work. It sounds like she was making excuses as to why the dog needed to be removed.
If something is telling you not to return the dog, you should keep her. Without your wife making radical changes (which in no way seem to be forthcoming) l, things won’t get better and it will take a toll on you and your own mental health.
Pets give unconditional love, which is more than most people are capable of offering, and the dog may be exactly what you need to find joy again (as it seems that your wife’s issues have sapped you of your strength). I know my pets are consistently the things that bring me the most joy out of everything in my life, and they have helped me through the darkest times. Consider that when you look at her, and thunk about the good times you could have with her. This dog very well could be exactly what you need right now, and she may be very lucky to have found a great home.
Until your wife decides to get better for herself, you should focus on your happiness and health. This dog may help tremendously with both of those things.
Best of luck to you, and your dog.
Methinks you’d be better off keeping the dog and letting the wife go on her merry way. I mean, if someone has this little love and regard for you, to the point of walking away because of something like this, I would have to question how strong the marriage really is.
The dog will always love you.
Always choose the good dog
I train dogs like this. “Dog reactive” is the general English term.
Lookup an infographic called Engage Disengage by Lili chin.
I mean, there were many times in this post you tried to tell your wife how to help herself but I don’t see a lot of you asking what she needs or wants to do? Obviously, she’s acting irrationally but it sounds like she’s been struggling for a while and you think you know what’s best for her and you don’t seem to or are unable to give her the level of help she needs. I’m sorry you are going through all this I know you were only trying to help. Yes, you are right, the world is shitty and you can make it better but better means something different to everyone.
I will say she was hesitant about the dog and it does seem kinda convinced by you in that moment. You should’ve been a little more wary of the situation at hand.
If you want to keep the dog and you know it’ll end the relationship I don’t think that makes you a bad person.
But if any part of you wants it to work with your wife I think you need to have a talk about how she wants to move happier, and not so much what you think about it other than how it all affects you.
Maybe the dog was a factor…but I would guess other things were bigger factors. She was unhappy because she has depression. Depression shaped her thinking and behavior. Those things impacted your relationship a lot.
Your wife sounds like she’s going through some things.
I would recommend keeping the dog though.
It used to be that to “enhance” a failing marriage, they have a baby. You went and got a dog. Had the same results that having a baby did. Adding a dog or baby doesn’t fix anything, if anything it magnifies the problems.
If the dog wasn’t there, would it really “fix” your relationship or was it heading down like the Titanic before the dog? Only you can answer that question. When you do, you’ll know what to do.
Always keep the dog. The dogs are so good for mental health, and yours is on the balance here
My sister’s boyfriend left her for a dog. You aren’t alone
She’s batshit
So your wife isn’t happy and because at some stage she mentioned having a dog you decided to go without her to a shelter, pick a dog you liked and spoke to her about it and ignored her concerns and got the dog anyway. And your surprised she is pissed off? Surely a dog is a joint decision and you take your time over the decision and consider the breed that suits you both. A dog is a lot of work and effort and not for everyone
The dog makes you happy and gives you unconditional love – you in return gave it a forever home. She seems determined to be miserable until the end of her days and that is ENTIRELY on her. Don’t let her drag you down. Keep the dog. Lose the wife.