I’ve been dating my boyfriend somewhat semi seriously for a little over six months now. I absolutely adore him and haven’t really had any major problems. He’s treated me great but recently I’ve noticed a change. He’s become somewhat controlling surrounding one specific topic.
Whenever I get ready for work, he has been doing a double take and asks me if I’m really wearing that to the office. For context: it’s usually a pencil skirt and dress shirt/blazer plus heels. Nothing revealing but the skirt does accentuate my curves as it’s not baggy. It’s become an everyday thing and whenever I ask him why, he basically just says he was wondering and that’s all.
It’s just weird because I feel like deep down he doesn’t want me to look good when I’m surrounded by men at my job and that’s something I won’t tolerate. Does anyone have advice as to what I can do about this or if I’m overreacting? I’ve been down the road of horrifying relationships before and I’m trying my best to avoid this becoming that in the future. I don’t show skin besides my legs below the knee (I’m 5’9) so ultimately it’s just confusing, thank ya.
6 comments
It won’t get better. Just leave.
I’d pull a “Let’s be clear, it’s one thing if I ask for your opinion. But in no uncertain terms do you have any say in the clothing I wear, especially in my professional environment, capice?” And if he takes issue then kick him to the curb.
I would echo a statement similar to one you just made. Establish boundaries and say you’ve had bad experiences with toxicity in the past and you want to make sure things don’t go down that path by him questioning your outfit choices. Make sure that he is secure with himself and if he isn’t find out the root. From there you purely see how he responds and if he changes his behavior. If he doesn’t, you know what you won’t tolerate and if he breaks established boundaries you know what to do.
Wishing the best for both of you.
NOPE. Not okay. This is just his true personally revealing itself. He shouldn’t make the statement like that. If he means that the style doesn’t match because of clashing colors or design or based on the weather, then that’s an input he could possibly make. But how you choose to dress should not be his concern.
You can either tell him that this isn’t right and see if he adjusts, or just exit knowing that it is not worth wasting time on someone that will have this perspective and get worse.
Trust me when I tell you, it only gets worse from this exact comment. He’s testing the waters to see your reaction and your willingness to bend. You’re going to work FFS, it’s not even like you’re going out. (still not really ok). Set clear boundaries now and make sure he’s aware that under no circumstances will you tolerate being controlled. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he will be willing to change but in my experience he’s showing you a tiny glimpse of what’s to come.
My knee jerk reaction is to say you should ditch that doorknob but, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and just assume that he’s allowing a slight tinge of jealousy to cloud his better judgement. Instead, I’m just gonna echo what was already said. You need to set a clear boundary, that you are going to wear whatever you want to wear and that if you aren’t asking for his opinion, he doesn’t need to offer one. Make it crystal clear that you will not tolerate possessiveness, that you are your own person and will not be controlled by him. His insecurities are not your problem and you need to make sure he understands that he doesn’t own you. I don’t know how old he is. Maybe he’s just immature and stupid. If he’s old enough to know better, you may want to consider moving on but, if he’s young and takes the hint, he may be worth keeping if this has been his only mistake.