I’ve been dating guy 1 for about a month and it’s going well. We aren’t exclusive yet so I’ve still been checking the apps, but I’m positive guy 1 is likely to bring up exclusivity soon. Two weeks ago, I met another guy.
We added each other on Instagram. For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been casually chatting, replying to each other’s stories etc. On his end, he’s been flirty. On my end, I’ve really just been responsive but haven’t flirted back. This was mostly because I like guy 1 and my focus is on him. Honestly, I figured until things are official with guy 1, I should keep my options open.
Today, I checked guy 2’s Instagram story. It was pretty sexual. He posted a meme about sex positions and wrote comments about which positions he likes/dislikes. Later today, he posted a story telling his followers “if you’re going to try anal sex, here are the steps you should take beforehand.” He then listed out things like using a douche, creams, etc. He’s also made some posts about penis size, and posted a drawing of a man going down on a woman. Mind you, this guy works in web design.
I took the posts as a red flag. I just feel it’s kind of odd to post/share this type of stuff on your social media unless you’re a super artsy type, a sex therapist, a sex worker, etc. I am leaning towards telling him I’m already seeing someone else, and putting my attention back on guy 1. Am I being too conservative here, or am I correct in thinking it’s red flag behavior?
Tl;dr are sexual Instagram posts a red flag?
12 comments
I don’t know if I would consider this a red flag but it is certainly not appealing and gross.
>I just feel it’s kind of odd to post/share this type of stuff on your social media unless you’re a super artsy type, a sex therapist, a sex worker, etc.
…why?
Doesn’t everyone, even people outside of these stereotypes, have sex too? Isn’t being informed about sexual matters a good thing no matter your ‘type’?
Why is it somehow acceptable for someone in the arts to post this kind of content but not a web designer?
He might just be a very open type, especially if he’s in a particularly progressive area. It’s okay if you find that much openness uncomfortable. If you get a weird vibe from the whole thing, you already have a good reason to back off. Either way, you’re not out of line to step away.
imo its not a red flag in the sense of it being a sign that he isnt a good person or partner. but it may be a sign that his values are different from yours and you two may not be compatible given your reaction to it.
If you don’t want to date someone who posts that sort of thing on instagram, then that’s cool. It’s not automatically a red flag though. Some people are more open about their sexuality than others.
I wouldn’t consider it a red flag. Some people are very open and enjoy talking about sex. I would consider it a compatibility indicator, and it’s totally fine for you to decide he is likely not compatible with you, which it sounds like he likely is not.
For me, my job type (corporate, etc) does not determine my sexuality or being open to talk about sex.
Is it fine for you to not be ‘cool’ with what he’s writing, **sure**, since you’re thinking of dating him (or not anymore). In my opinion, if you’re uncomfortable with that, and you have boundaries on that, and it turns you off, it’s realy okay to not date him. You don’t keep on dating a person just because 50% of us thinks it’s normal to be sexually that open 🙂 You need to date someone you’re comfy and compatible with.
It’s definitely a personal decision/comfort level, but for me it’s not a red flag to talk about sex and sex-positive topics in general.
My personal boundaries, for myself, is that I don’t mind discussing sex-positivity and sex education and general knowledge – however, I will NOT discuss personal preferences, super specific experiences, or partake in a conversation that becomes sexually charged. If I was in a relationship, I would also keep my relationship private and off-discussion.
If you aren’t comfortable with someone being willing to talk about these topics, or if there’s certain ASPECTS you don’t like (like, graphic images that aren’t purely for education) that’s completely your right to not like it and have it as a red flag!
If you’re not sure how you feel, maybe it’s worth having a conversation about him. Why is he talking about these topics on social media/for what purpose? You may feel more comfortable after discussing it with him and getting clarification/hearing his philosophy.
If that’s too much work and you just get the ick – that’s fine! You can focus on a different guy 🙂
I am glad to hear that despite the “non exclusive” thing, which I can not understand (and condone) – no pun intended, just underlaying what type of person I am – at least you saw the red flag bilboard sized in regards guy 2, who’s as sick as the fly followers attracted to $hit…
Success with guy 1!
No, not a red flag. Sounds like you’re more uptight about this type of thing though, so if it makes you uncomfortable it’s your life. Ironically, I’d consider your response to his posts my own red flag if i were dating. I’ve found sexually repressed partners to be exhausting.
Talking sex this early in that detail without knowing your preferences is a huge red flag.
People who work in *every job* have sex. Lol