So basically I’ve been dating my GF for a few weeks now but we were talking for a couple months before we called it official, and like each other a lot.
My friend, F, and I have been friends for a while, but slept together once last year and it was both of our firsts. It wasn’t a serious thing and we both just wanted someone safe to do it with. There’s no romantic attraction and we became close friends a few months later and have remained that way for nearly a year now. F hangs out with me fairly often as we share many mutual friends and now and again we hangout just us to like play video games or something. Basically we’re just friends, that’s the only way to put it.
I often hang out with my GF’s friends as they’re cool people and we all chill as a group. F used to be involved in this as she dated another girl in the group, T. T recently moved away to another country but F continues to hangout in the group.
My GF had already been a bit concerned about me having a close female friend as she’d never experienced this in a relationship before and so I never mentioned that this happened as it was ages ago and I didn’t see it as a smart move to mention it as she’d already been stressed. However, one of myself and F’s mutual friends told my GF about it today.
She got really mad and told me she never wants to see F again, which means she won’t be able to hangout with that group anymore even though she likes some of the others in it. So she’s fairly upset about it. And I have a feeling this is gonna change things majorly for myself and my GF.
I’m not entirely sure what to do about it now without losing one of them because I really like having both of them in my life. Is there any way I can fix this without losing one or both of them? It just sucks because this happened over a year ago and I really can’t change anything about it.
TL;DR: GF is mad because I slept with one of my friends over a year ago and now I think everything will change for us
6 comments
Only way to fix this without losing one or both is to have your girlfriend change who entire mentality. Will it happen? No.
You should have been up front – every GF is going to want to know who in your current life that you have a past with, even if it’s done and dead.
That said, she’s handling it very badly and like a 15 year old. So that would give me pause in the whole relationship. Her request is unreasonable.
You shouldn’t hide it. Now your gf will think there’s more things you hide from her, and she’s right. I wouldn’t trust you either. Sounds like you guys were close and your gf had a right to know the true nature of your relationship.
1st, don’t keep things like this from your GF as when they come out, and they almost always do, it looks like there was some malicious intent, even thou there wasn’t.
You can try to sit down and have a serious talk with her, but given her initial over jealous reaction before even knowing of your past involvement, the chances of she being reasonable now are slim. If that’s so, I garantee she will find something else to be jealous in the future as well, so I wouldn’t choose her.
> I’m not entirely sure what to do about it now without losing one of them because I really like having both of them in my life. Is there any way I can fix this without losing one or both of them.
In addition to what others have said about being transparent, IMO most hetero/monogamous young women out there are not going to like to find out that their BF has a sexual history with a best/very close female friend. 22F may be handling it in a pretty immature way, but even if you dump her, stay friends with F, and then you meet someone else in a few months, that someone is probably not going to be a fan of F either. If you dump that girl and find another someone else, it’s probably going to be the same story. I would give some consideration to distancing yourself from F to avoid this kind of situation in the future.
Ok. You have chosen your current gf as your partner, not this other girl. The fact that she didn’t hear it from you is the hang up. It sounds like you’re coming up on the option of one or the other. Keep in mind, it is normal for her emotions to be all over the place, so be patient as she is working through things. If you guys were seriously that close of friends, one of you (you and your friend) should have respected the relationship enough to mention the sexual encounter. That is a huge red flag. That being said, you basically proved her point of not trusting women and men being friends. I don’t blame her for not wanting to see F again after she found out you had sex with her, especially with virginity. If you want to keep dating this girl, allow her to set boundaries but not control you. This could include you two not hanging out together alone, F not spending as much time with you, etc. best of luck.