Excuse that this post is probably a jumbled mess, I’m absolutely pissed and on mobile. My husband [M40] and I [F38] have been together for a long time, we were high school sweethearts. Things aren’t like they used to be at all, we can play couple nicely but we aren’t really a couple anymore – we’re really only still together for our daughters sake [F17]. He’s seeing other people (plural), I could & have his blessing to do so but really just lack any of the energy to date.
Either way, I have a 16 year old nephew. I wasn’t always super involved in his life tbh, but in the past few years we’ve actually been pretty close. He’s a great kid – respectful, not weird or sexist etc, accomplishments galore, caring, kind, wickedly intelligent. I often dine out with my daughter and love to bring him along. He’s very close with & been a genuinely great influence on her too, and gotten her into a much healthier group of friends. We see him around once or twice a week.
Anyway, I don’t know why this is the case… but my husband has gotten particularly weird and posessive/protective over my daughter & I regarding him. In the past It’s been mostly just my husband being passive-aggressive towards him, but it culminated in him actually yelling at him. Literally screamed at my nephew for giving myself and my daughter a hug. “Don’t you fucking touch my wife or daughter, do you understand me?”. Just out of nowhere. Nephew responded “excuse me, what?” and I ended up separating the two. Telling my husband to knock it the fuck off. He was very upset by my nephews reply, which to be quite honest I think was perfectly appropriate.
Just to make it clear, my nephew genuinely isn’t doing anything wrong, his household is just more affectionate than ours was. He’s never hugged either of us in an inappropriate way or even without asking, he’s always asked, and its in the same way that he hugs his parents or siblings (he has 3 sisters) or friends of both genders. He treats me, overall, somewhere between how he treats his mom (f40s) & older sister (f22). He treats my daughter exactly like he treats his other older sister of the same age (f17)
This isn’t a one time thing though, this has been ongoing
1. Another time, my husband made a comment along the lines of “her eyes are higher than that” in reference to my nephew looking at me. When my husband said that, my nephew was looking me directly in my eyes. There’s never been any inappropriate looking or him checking me out, or whatever disgusting shit was being implied.
2. Story came up at one time about how my daughter briefly had her top fall down while at a waterpark. I was there, my nephew was there & with his girlfriend. Nephew immediately turned away and it was fixed within like 2 seconds. My husband was originally pissed about us wearing swimsuits around him, but when he heard that story latched onto it.
3. Husband has commented about our clothing choices bing too revealing, which he never normally does, just because we would be hiking with my nephew.
4. He’s openly and explicitly told my daughter on multiple occasions that he doesn’t like her talking to my nephew, and he’s heavily implied the same to me constantly
TLDR: My husband is being extremely weird about and presumptive about the intentions of my nephew, and it’s totally unwarranted.
18 comments
Maybe he’s having a rough time in his other relationship(s).
I’d cut him some slack.
Pretty weird that your husband is literally seeing other people…*plural*…and still has the audacity to tell someone not to hug his wife. Like, anyone…let alone your *nephew* who is hugging you in a platonic familial way. Wtf. He’s seeing other people…yet literally comments on your clothes being revealing. You realize how messed up that is right? Are you like a doll in his harem or something?
Anyways, it sounds like he’s just super jealous of this kid for some reason. Who knows…maybe he’s threatened by how he seems like a nice enjoyable presence and it makes him insecure. I dk, but it’s inappropriate. I don’t know why you’re putting up with it at all…especially when you’re allegedly just with him “for your daughter” as if having two parents magically fixes ones of them being a flipping weirdo.
How is he going to react when you start seeing other people too? Or when your daughter starts seeing people? You know…like seeing people in a romantic way and not literally just male family members.
Doesn’t sound like having your husband and his horrifyingly controlling behavior around is healthy for your daughter, so if you decide to stay with him, please don’t use the excuse that it’s “for your daughter’s sake”. It’s gotta be very uncomfortable for her that he’s sexualizing her normal family relationships. This is not a good situation to force her to stay in.
Just divorce already. You’re not doing your daughter any favours staying with him.
Ha, he’s been watching some fucked up porn. *Divorce him.*
Um, this sounds like projection.
Your nephew is a child. Your husband is abusive. It sounds like your husband has inappropriate sexual boundaries. It sounds like he’s sublimating some fucked up thoughts about your daughter and projecting them onto your nephew. I’d get the fuck away from him. Staying together “for the kid” isn’t doing anything positive for your kid, her father is a fucking awful male role model.
> we’re really only still together for our daughters sake [F17]
Excuse me, how is being around someone who is trying to police (and worse, *sexualise*) her relationship with a family member of any benefit to her?
> I could & have his blessing to do so but really just lack any of the energy to date
Are you really sure about that, because right now he can’t even cope with you hugging your underaged **nephew**. It’s no wonder you have no energy to date.
Ma’am, you need to talk to your daughter about inappropriate behavior/ talk with her father. Your hubby sounds jealous and that’s weird. Sounds like there’s no reason for that freakout and you should be concerned and also protect nephew from future allegations. Make sure to document EVERYTHING said before making a conclusion.
Sounds like a fucking roid rage asshole. Maybe he’s secretly taking testosterone or other steroids. Guy sounds like an absolute loser and possibly dangerous with how controlling he is being or attempting to be. Seems like time to hit eject.
Edit: I’m serious. 40 is a prime age for some putz to start taking steroids or hormones to offset aging related changes in his body. Definitely something a 40 year old guy that acts life this would do.
Honestly you’re still married for your daughter. Do you really think it’s healthy to keep this POS around. Divorce him already.
My parents divorced when I was 22. I wish they had done it at least ten years earlier. It would have saved all of us a lot of grief.
This is going to sound harsh; You are not helping your daughter by staying with this man. You are choosing the path of least resistance.
Kick him out before he becomes inappropriate with your daughter
Take your daughter and leave this guy.
This one hits home for me. But my experience has been with my mother. Since I was 9 my mom has always ingrained in me that I should always cover up and not show my growing body because my dads drunk friends will stare at me so much. Now that I’m older I understand why. She wanted me safe from these pedos since my dad didn’t give a shit. (That’s another story)
But moving forward. For some reason my mom stayed in this mindset even as I became an adult. She would police everything i wore because my brother in law was around. She would even, if she was sitting down and my brother in law was about to walk by pass me, she would right away get up and cover me as if my bro in law was about to do something. Mind you my bro in law is very respectful, has never been a creepo and he’s like the older brother I never had. But my mom makes it difficult for us to even communicate or have any kind of family relationship because she makes it really awkward. And she will have this kind of behavior with a lot of men who are around but more specifically my bro in law because of living situation.
Honestly, as someone who grew up with a parent policing me/sexualizing me for literally my whole life I have grew resentful and have actually gained trauma because of this. I sometimes have a hard time showing my body or being around male family members or feeling really wierd around older men- as if they all want to harm me.
If you have the option of leaving this man, since it already seems he’s moved on, it would be healthiest for your daughter and yourself to live separately from him. If this continues it will continue to affect both you and your daughters mental health and the possibility of your daughter growing resentment for you both.
Have you talked to your daughter about how she feels? Maybe you two can talk about how to best move forward and mentioning to her what the options are and how that will look like. At the end you decide what’s best for you and your daughter.
Holy shit what weird way of you to fuck your daughter up because you’re too lazy to divorce your husband
Seems to me he’s projecting. Seems to me that he thinks your nephew has the same ulterior motives he thinks he would have at his age. That’s his problem, not your nephews.
Seems to me he’s projecting. Seems to me that he thinks your nephew has the same ulterior motives he thinks he would have at his age. That’s his problem, not your nephews.