I'm a M30 and my GF is a F27 ans we've been together for 3 years. Recently we just had an argument concerning activities and events to do together.
I brought up how I would love to dress up and go to Anime/Comic Conventions and Ren Fair. That dressing up is part of the fun of the event and its really cool to see other people's costume and she immediately told me that was a huge ick. She stated that grown men shouldnt be dressing up in costumes walking around at these events and how she would be uncomfortable walking next to/being with me at these events if I dressed up cause I would be embarrassing.
I expressed how that hurt me that she would feel embarrassed by me and that at RenFair and Conventions its the norm for people to dress up. Its not the embarrassing thing, its the fun thing to be fully immersed and engaged in the event. She shot back with, "Yeah every girl who goes to Ren Fair dresses like some barmaid whore and I judge them for it. Also men shouldnt dress up or be in tights cause thats cringe". Even when I told her she didnt have to dress up, she can just come with me and that everyone doesnt dress as "barmaids or in tights", we can still enjoy it togther and I can just dress up alone. She retorted with, "Yeah but I'm still gonna judge all the girls who are whores there and you would want to where something with tights so it would put me off".
This lead to her explaining that she judges people harshly when she sees them and as such, if she dressed up or was around me when I dressed up, she assumes everyone is judging her. I told her it doesnt matter, cause I wouldnt judge her. That I would think shes actually really cool and fun for dressing up and just engaging. That even if she didnt dress up and she's was with me, I'd still think she was awesome for doing so. That the only person who's opinion I care about is hers because shes my partner and I love her so other random people's "Silent judgement" in their heads dont effect me cause all that matters us and our enjoyment. She said that thinking of mine was illogical and made zero sense. That I couldnt judge someone and not judge her the same way and that "loving her" wasnt enough to justify a positive opinion of her while having a different one of other people. I then compromised and said that I could just not dress up and we can go. I let her know that while I'd enjoy them better dressing up, I am fine not dressing up if she will ve more comfortable being with me there but she responded that is also not the answer cause it upsets her I am not going to the event how I want to.
So I'm at a loss. I dont know what to do. Shes embarrassed of me wanting to do these events and dress up because she is very judgmental but there is no solution. I cant go alone cause that would upset her and when I suggest she dont dress up, that wouldnt negate her emotions being next to me, and me changing how I attend the event only upsets her cause I am compromising. I'm hurt shes embarrassed of me and upset that she doesnt think my love for her to not feel judged or prevent her from judging others. It feels like she's upset I do not view people the same as she does, I am not embarrassed by these things, and she's upset I don't agree with/have her mindset. I just don't know what to do or how to process this.