I love my wife more than anything but I am slowly losing my mind over the state of our kitchen. We have been married for five years now and I still cannot understand the logic behind leaving every single cabinet door wide open. It is not just one or two doors after a big cooking session. It is every single time she enters the room for anything. If she needs a glass of water the cabinet stays open. If she grabs a snack the pantry door stays open. It is like she has some kind of physical phobia of hinges or something. I walk into the kitchen at night to get a drink and it looks like a poltergeist just went through the place.
The real problem is that I am the one who pays the price. I have lost count of how many times I have nearly scalped myself on the corner of an upper cabinet. Those things are at the exact height of my forehead and they are sharp. I will be walking through the dark and then boom. A solid oak door just greets my skull. I have tried talking to her about it but she just laughs it off and says she doesnt even realize she is doing it. She says her brain just moves on to the next task before her hand can finish the job of closing the door. It sounds like a joke but it is actually a safety hazard at this point.
Last night was the final straw for my sanity. I was carrying a huge pot of boiling pasta water to the sink and I had to navigate a literal obstacle course of open drawers and cabinets. It was like some twisted version of American Ninja Warrior but with more steam and potential third degree burns. I had to do a weird side-step just to avoid the spice cabinet door that was sticking out like a blade. When I finally made it to the sink I looked over and she was just sitting at the table totally oblivious to the wooden maze she had constructed in the last five minutes.
I have started doing this thing where I do a nightly sweep of the kitchen like I am some kind of security guard checking the perimeter. I walk around and click everything shut. The sound of the doors closing is the most satisfying part of my day now which is probably a sign that I need a hobby or a vacation. Or maybe I should just start wearing a helmet around the house. I genuinely think she would not even ask why I was wearing it because she is so used to the chaos. I just want to be able to walk to the fridge without fearing for my life .