I’m 38. I spent my youth pursuing a career dream and decided not to do it. I now realize I didn’t pull the trigger because I didn’t fully believe in myself. I stayed in the field and reached an equivalent (some argue a higher) rank academically. I’m being celebrated by my family and peers and colleagues. I’m working with the individuals I aspired to be, at the institution I aspired to work at, helping take care the community I am passionate about in a different but needed capacity. Life is really good.
Yet, I feel unaccomplished af. Everyday I think about “what if I would’ve just done plan A”. It also doesn’t help that my family brings it up every time they see me, which is. Constant reminder of what I AM NOT. I’m driving myself crazy. I can’t enjoy what I worked so hard to accomplish. It just feel like a lie or like I’m pretending or that my original dream is on pause – but that ship has sailed, even though I fantasize about how I would do it (it’s technically possible but unreasonable). I’m in therapy but my guy isn’t available at the moment, so I’m reaching out to y’all in the interim.
Anyone else deal with this?
Thank you.
Edit: For clarity. Plan A was Med School. Plan B I did a PhD where I’m a researcher/administrator at a very large, Ivy League teaching hospital in a large coastal city.