Hi, I’m 22F.
A little over a month ago, I met a man on Bumble a week before I was supposed to leave the country. Coincidentally, around the same time, he flew to another country for a vacation. We clicked immediately and kept talking. There was definitely no “slow burn” — the connection was intense from the start. We wanted each other, and it felt exciting.
I’ve been love-bombed before and spent a lot of time unpacking that in therapy. This time, though, I honestly just wanted to enjoy the delusional honeymoon phase. I tried to stay cautious, but dopamine is a powerful thing.
About 10 days later, we met in my country and spent three days together. He was the first man I’d ever dated who actually knew how to communicate. Despite a few small red flags, it felt wonderful. I could feel myself falling for him, and it became harder and harder to keep my feelings in check.
When we separated again, we agreed be exclusive but not to rush into calling it a relationship. We wanted time to figure out what this could become. After that trip, we talked every day, had long calls, got closer, and everything seemed great.
Still, I started feeling like something was off — like he wasn’t quite as excited about me as I was about him. To be fair, I’m a very anxious person. I struggle with self-esteem, I often feel unlovable, and I know those insecurities are my responsibility, not my partner’s. But he repeatedly told me I could ask for reassurance whenever I needed it. He kept saying nothing had changed, that everything was fine, and that he liked me just as much as before.
Then he went on vacation for a few days. Before leaving, he actually asked what kind of communication would help me feel secure. The only thing I requested was a good morning and good night text and occasional check-ins so I’d know he was okay.
He forgot once. Then twice. Each time he apologized. Then eventually he told me: “Sorry, I got drunk,” and later, “I made a mistake and did cocaine.”
Something in me just shut down at that point. I wasn’t even heartbroken so much as exhausted and disappointed. Men have been a huge source of disappointment in my life, and I wanted so badly for this one to be different. I had only just started relaxing and believing maybe this time would be.
For context: this wasn’t really about one missed text. He had forgotten before, and I had already communicated clearly that these messages mattered to me. I even explained that part of why it hurts is because I’m afraid to ask for more, since it feeds into my fear that I’m not worth even minimal effort. Despite knowing all of this, he still repeatedly failed to follow through.
He sent me a lot of apology messages and explanations. Three days later I replied that maybe we should end things, but I wanted closure. He said he was sorry for hurting me, that my decision hurt him too, and that he wanted to fix things.
We agreed to talk the next day because he said he needed time to calm down first.
When we finally called, he was drinking again. For about 10 minutes he passionately told me that he never lied, that he meant everything he’d ever said about his feelings and intentions, and that I was perfect to him. He also told me that the cocaine incident had cost him work because he overslept and missed a client call.
Then he abruptly ended the call.
Afterward, I was the one texting him, saying I wanted to talk and that maybe we could work things out. He said he wanted that too but needed time to get himself together.
We haven’t spoken in a week.
Meanwhile, his Instagram stories show him hanging out with friends, going to the gym, living his life as usual.
I genuinely want an outside perspective.
Am I completely overreacting and blowing up a potentially good connection over missed texts? Or does my reaction make sense given the bigger picture?
At this point I’m not even sure I want to continue. The whole situation has left me deeply disappointed, and I don’t know how to see him the same way anymore. At the same time, I’m scared that I won’t find someone I connect with this strongly again.
What would you do in my situation?