***live in the same city

late 20’s both of us f/m

matched with a guy on bumble , our profiles seem similar both seeking something serious. although he said he’s open to seeing where things go but wants long term, he mentioned he’s also okay with short term and just meeting new people (another slight red flag I feel but please let me know if it’s not)

i said I know what I want and not really interested in casual or whatever

anyways, he kept apologizing and saying his schedule is always changing but he suggested a date about 10 days in advance. i guess I felt kind of bummed because we live probably 20minutes away by subway. anyone who lives in a city could maybe see my perspective?

anyways besides that he seems cool. texts back within a few hours .

idk guys, is this probably not going anywhere? The place he picked seemed really cute, and he seems curious about me over texts. But last night he didn’t respond all night. Idk, I’m kind of having doubts if he’s as serious as he claims. Maybe I’m overthinking?

EDIT:

thanks everyone for the general consensus, looks like it’s time for me to update my attachment style and probably have more of a life.


11 comments

  1. You are overthinking. And just calling whatever a “red flag”.

    There is a date set up on your calendar. He seems responsive enough and curious enough. Go about your life and show up on the date. You both have your own lives and jobs and friends etc I hope. You haven’t even met and you’re already being so demanding. So what if he doesn’t reply for a few hours or a whole night? You are strangers to each other at this point.

    He (or you) doesn’t owe each other constant texting at this stage when you haven’t even met. Look within yourself and reflect on why you’re expecting that.

  2. Overthinking everything I think. Obvious this is speculation, but the guy sounds pretty mature. Was apologetic, set a time he was sure to commit to, isn’t so impatient that he can’t wait 10 days, texting in the meantime, is open about what he wants, wanting to meet new people is usually a sign he’ll invest in getting to know you regardless of the situation.

  3. So much overthinking here. And I feel like “red flag” has really diluted in its meaning. The guy sounds busy but is prioritizing adding you to his calendar. If I was to still be dating at this point (married) I would need to book something 6-10 in advance because my job is very busy.

  4. you certainly are overthinking, you might be over-texting. It’s actually a good sign that someone has a busy schedule. It means they have a real life in which they have prioritized a date with you at a cute place they took the time to choose. On the other hand if someone texts me too much when we have a date set and we have never met yet irl it really feels like a needy red flag. You literally don’t know this person yet. Go on your date and have fun! I hope it goes well. Stop worrying so much in the mean time.

  7. How is a date next week a red flag? Is it that unfathomable that someone has a busy week ahead?

  9. I am also late 20s and I feel like this represents the problems I have experienced trying to date. People want to meet in like 2 days or not at all. I don’t even understand how people have the time for that. I work full time, I’m pursuing my master’s, and I’m a single parent. I know that I might be busier than some people. But I feel like most people with any kind of full life have to plan their schedules ahead of time, at least a little bit. Especially when you have a different schedule than the person you want to date. 

  10. Hun I say this with kindness but you need a bit of a reality check. Please don’t make yourself so available, you are coming across as a bit desperate.

    It’s Memorial Day weekend and most people have set plans already. That coupled with work + life adds up, I don’t think it’s weird to schedule things in advance.

    Just my two cents.

  11. If he was only looking to pump and dump he’d be gagging to see you ASAP. I think the fact he’s actually waiting until he has enough free time to properly connect and invest in the date is a very promising sign.

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