To keep it brief, I am black 19 F and have minimal to no dating experience. I have never been in a relationship or done anything physical and also didn’t have any sort of introduction or development in this area while I was younger or even now entering my third year of Uni. Here are the experiences that I do have:
1) guy dming me but being a rlly bad/dry texter – asked to meet up but it was during finals so I said no- then didn’t speak during the summer and seemed to barely know me when at a party
2) met slightly younger guy on vacation and bonded rlly well (talking laughing cuddling) but he ended up having a girlfriend that entire time- it feels great to be wanted but that’s rlly bad and i felt bad about it- they broke up and then we met and went on 2 dates but still nothing physical – it kinda lingers on my mind how he had a girlfriend and he’s more experienced than me which I don’t particularly appreciate- im scared of being compared to and also religious reasons – he would probably travel to come see me again but it doesn’t feel right bc of how he cheated on hais gf in the past with me (reminder that I didn’t know)
3) another guy dming me and we’re texting and FaceTiming and even plan to meet but he cancelled like night before and then stopped texting – saw him at a party (never seen in person before btw) and and barely acknowledged me when I said hello. Also on his social media accounts it’s all about relationships and seeing these after he ghosted me was very confusing.
All of these on top of people my age and also in uni or even my friends having guys interested in them constantly is not a confidence booster. My self confidence isn’t the highest but I try to not show it and attempt to not have it affect the way I speak with people. I never particularly found myself pretty but yk my family and friends say I am but my lack of experience is kind of adding to my belief of being unattractive.
I’ve been trying to devalue this aspect of my life bc there’s so much to live for and not just relationships and ppl finding me attractive. It would still be nice though. I don’t want to “resort” to dating apps and again not super confident. Yes 19 isn’t old but this all feels very embarrassing and I’m not sure how to stop feeling bad about it all.
Is there anything I could be doing to change the trajectory of my life now? Any relatability, comments, or advice would be appreciated! Also why do you think experience #3 ghosted as this was recent and I’m still confused. I’m willing to expand on that. Thanks!