my (19F) mom has been divorced since I was 7 years old. I am not close with my dad and my only family that I feel close to is my mom. my mom also is the only person who I can speak Korean with which is my native language. I don’t have many other Korean friends and she is the one person who I feel connects me with my culture. my mom is also a very strong and independent woman. she raised me all on her own while achieving many milestones in her career. around 5 years ago during Covid she began seeing this man. it was the first time she had ever seriously dated after the divorce. this man and I did not hit it off. he and I have maintained a very awkward and standoffish relationship which I will admit has been my fault. he has made attempts to buy me presents and win my affection but they never seemed that genuine to me. he is overall a nice but awkward person and I don’t really like him. he also has two daughters who I am not very close with either. they are both in their 20s and I don’t feel the need to get to know them either.
since they have began dating my mom and i‘s relationship has steadily declined. there are many small annoyances that make it difficult to have a loving relationship with her. she always seems to prioritize her husband’s and his kids’ comfortability over mine. additionally, she has stopped speaking Korean in group settings such as dinner, car rides, etc. because her husband is not Korean. these times that used to be just us two no longer seem to exist. I’ve asked her to eat dinner with me just us but she always declines because it would be rude to her husband. over the years I’ve just learned to step back and forfeit the fight for her attention. but this has really been getting to me lately. i feel selfish for wanting my mom to be “all to myself” but it genuinely doesn’t feel like she is the same person anymore when she is with her new family. I also have tried to get comfortable with spending time with her new family, but I have never had a “father figure” in my life and it has always just been my mom and I. this has made me feel constantly uncomfortable and uneasy around her new family even though I try my best to not feel this way. I know that I’m rude and a pos for not engaging with her family but it genuinely isn’t something that is natural for me, especially because they got married when I was basically an adult. now that I’m home from college this problem has become more bothersome in my life. I feel like I have lost my mother which feels cynical to say but i cant really say it any other way. if there’s anyone who could give me some advice on this I would really appreciate it.
tldr: my mom and I have a bad relationship after she remarried when I was 17 and I feel like she is a completely different person around her new family. I want time that is separate from this new family such as eating dinner, doing bonding activities, going on vacation with just us two and I don’t want to interact with her new husband or his family because I don’t feel like there is a need to do that.